Creating Your Free Use Contract and Rules

By now it's clear that diving into a free use or CNC arrangement requires some planning. One does not simply say "Sure, use me anytime" and leave it at that. Well, one could, but that's how misunderstandings (or worse, violations) happen. A wise approach is to actually draft a "free use contract" or set of rules together. Don't worry, it doesn't have to be a formal document (though some kinksters do write it down like a fun, sexy contract!). The point is to discuss and agree on boundaries in detail. Think of it as your personalized user manual for Consensual Availability. If you're exploring these dynamics, our free use fantasy guide provides comprehensive context on how these arrangements work in practice.

Free Use Agreement Templates

While there may not be a universally used template labeled "Free Use Agreement" (this isn't an official legal document, after all), you can borrow from BDSM contract templates and other kink negotiation tools to make your own. Many BDSM checklists and contracts include sections for limits, safe words, and expectations which are directly applicable to a free use dynamic. In fact, creating a document together can be a sexy exercise in itself, it builds anticipation and ensures clarity.

Here are some key sections and points you might include in your free use agreement:

• Scope of Consent: Be explicit about what exactly is being consented to. For example: “X partner may initiate sexual activity with Y partner at any time without prior verbal request.” Does this include penetration? Oral sex? Fondling only? What about involving toys or props spontaneously? Write down what “free use” covers. Maybe it’s “any penetrative or oral sex” but not, say, anal sex unless separately discussed. Maybe it includes waking the person from sleep (somnophilia) or maybe you want to exclude that (“only if I’m awake”). Also, specify if it’s one-directional or mutual. For instance: “Wife gives Husband free use of her body at all times. This does not automatically grant Wife free use of Husband (which will still require normal initiation unless otherwise agreed).” Tailor it to your situation.

• Hard Limits and Soft Limits: These are crucial in any kink contract. Hard limits are no-gos, activities or scenarios that are off the table. For example, a hard limit might be "No sex in public where we might get caught" (if that's not something either wants to risk), or "No anal sex during free use unless previously agreed that day," or "No involving other people." Write these out clearly. Soft limits are things that are maybe sometimes okay but with caution or only if conditions are right. For instance, "Slapping is a soft limit, light spanking is okay if I seem into it, but no hard impact unless we've talked about it first." Or "Face-f***ing is a soft limit, I might allow it in the moment, but if I tap you twice, ease up." Having these in the contract ensures both know where the danger zones are.

• Safe Words/Signals: Decide on a safe word that, if spoken, immediately ends the activity no questions asked. Common ones are "Red" (stop now) and "Yellow" (slow down/I'm nearing a limit). Since in free use you might not be negotiating each time, the safe word is your safety net. Also, consider non-verbal safe signals (like a double-tap, or dropping a held object) especially if there could be situations where talking is hard (e.g., if the "used" partner is gagged with a mouthful, quite literally). Write these in bold on your agreement: "Safe word RED means everything stops immediately." Make sure both understand that using the safe word is okay and respected. It's not a failure; it's part of how you play safely.

• “No Means No” Clause (if applicable): Not every couple wants to roleplay saying “no.” If you agree that even within free use, a straightforward “no/stop” from the used partner will always mean stop (no need to safe word), state that clearly. Some couples explicitly say, “We will not use ‘no’ or resistance as part of our play unless discussed. If the used partner says no, that will be honored right away.” Other couples who do want the fantasy of resistance will say, “The used partner may say no or put up physical resistance as part of roleplay; only the safe word will end the scene.” Pick which style you’re comfortable with, and document it. This avoids the dangerous ambiguity of “Did they really mean no or was it play-acting?”

• Situational Conditions & Opt-Outs: Life is dynamic. It's smart to include notes about when free use is suspended or adjusted. For example: "Free use is only in effect when we are in private (home with no guests, or a locked bedroom)." Or "No free use when minor children are in the same house awake" (common sense, but good to state!). If one of you travels for work, maybe note that free use obviously doesn't imply cheating, clarify it's only between you two unless explicitly said otherwise. Also include something like "Either partner can request a pause or cancel on the free use arrangement if needed (to be discussed outside of play)." This means if someone's mental health is rough or circumstances change, they can say "Hey, can we put free use on hold for a week?" and that should be respected without drama. Knowing there's an exit clause ironically makes people feel safer entering a kinky agreement, because they know they're not trapped if it stops working.

• Hygiene and Health: This is a less sexy part but important. Free use can mean impromptu sex at times when you might not be freshly showered or whatever. Discuss any hygiene preferences: "If I'm coming home from the gym and you want to jump me, fine, but maybe avoid face kissing until I rinse sweat off," or "We agree to maintain basic grooming (e.g., stay on top of STI testing if non-monogamous, or any vaginal health considerations)." Also, birth control and protection: If pregnancy is a concern, ensure your contract covers that you'll always use condoms or that the initiating partner will ensure they don't finish inside if that's a limit, etc. Or if you're trying to conceive, hey, free use could be very effective! Just align on those practical matters.

• Aftercare and Check-ins: Include a line about how you'll handle emotional aftercare. For instance, "No matter how casual or rough the encounter, we will cuddle or verbally check in afterward whenever possible." Maybe you agree on a weekly check-in chat: "Every Sunday we'll talk about how it's going, any adjustments needed." This ensures you stay connected emotionally. Aftercare could be as simple as a glass of water and a kiss, or more involved like a massage or reassurance words. List what the used partner typically needs after intense scenes, so the initiating partner remembers to provide that.

• Time Limits or Review Dates: If you’re just starting, you might put an endpoint or review point in the contract. For example, “This agreement is valid for one month, after which we’ll review and renew if we both want to continue.” Knowing it’s not infinite can ease pressure. You can always extend it, but a set date to discuss how it’s working is helpful. Some couples prefer open-ended but still, writing “We can modify these rules at any time by mutual agreement” is wise.

• Special Signals or Code: As mentioned, some use a discrete signal to indicate "not now" on a given day without having to break the roleplay too much. It could be something like wearing a particular bracelet or locking the bedroom door on your side meaning "I really need an uninterrupted night." If you have something like that, document it: "If the used partner places the red pillow on the bed, that means free use is off for the night, they need rest." It sounds a bit silly, but couples do devise such codes to handle real-life interruptions to the fantasy. It can be helpful to avoid hurt feelings if one needs a break.

• Consent to Document (Optional): Some folks actually sign a physical contract or make a video stating their consent, especially if they worry about later misunderstandings. There have been apps developed for recording sexual consent (like allowing both parties to sign off in an app before doing edgy play). While those have legal and ethical debates around them, within a relationship you might find it fun or reassuring to, say, video yourselves saying: “We both agree to this free use arrangement under these conditions…” mostly as a personal record. If you do that, note it in your process. (However, remember that legally, a person can withdraw consent anytime despite any prior agreement. A “contract” won’t hold up in court as a defense if actual assault occurred after someone said stop. These agreements are psychological and relational tools, not legally binding documents.)

Now, you don't have to cover all that in lawyerly language. The key is you both understand what's agreed. Many couples simply jot bullet points on their phone or a shared doc. Others might fill out a kink checklist together (which lists acts and you mark Yes/No/Maybe). There are even printables online for BDSM contracts that you can adapt. For example, you could take a free PDF sexual consent form and customize the sections relevant to free use. The process of writing it out ensures you discuss scenarios you might not have thought of in the heat of the moment.

One more tip: Keep the contract accessible and maybe even a little ritualistic. Some couples like to physically sign it and then have a "ceremony" or special night to kick off the new dynamic, like, "We signed our free use contract, and to celebrate, the first act of free use will be tonight!" It can be sexy to formalize it. Also, having it written means if confusion arises later ("But you said I could do X anytime!" "No, I didn't!"), you can actually refer back to what was agreed instead of purely relying on memory.

Setting Boundaries and Time Limits

We've touched on this above, but it's worth highlighting how to set effective boundaries and time limits for free use/CNC play. Boundaries are your friends, they enable trust by giving it structure. Time limits prevent people from feeling overwhelmed or indefinitely obligated.

Setting Boundaries: Boundaries in free use can be situational, physical, or emotional.

• Situational Boundaries: Define when and where free use applies. Maybe only at home, only after a certain hour, or only on weekends. Some couples do something like "office hours" for free use: e.g., "From 10pm to 7am, I'm yours without asking. Daytime, let's stick to normal consent unless otherwise noted." This could be due to work schedules, kids, or just personal comfort. A common boundary is around other people: "No initiating in front of friends or family," unless exhibitionism is also your kink and you both explicitly want that risk (most don't, for obvious reasons!). Even if you're both okay with a bit of risk, set a boundary like "not in public crowded spaces where non-consenting people might witness." Kink should be consensual for all involved, flashing random bystanders isn't cool. So maybe free use in semi-private (like your backyard with a fence) is okay, but not in a shopping mall parking lot. Know your comfort zone.

• Physical Boundaries: These are basically your hard limits. It helps to literally list body parts or acts: e.g., "No slapping my face, ever," or "Free use does not include anal penetration without a separate conversation each time." Also consider if you have any health issues. Say one partner has chronic pain or an injury: "Avoid putting weight on my bad knee if you take me spontaneously." It may sound unsexy to mention, but better to prevent harm. If certain positions or roughness levels are off-limits, state that up front. Remember, boundaries can also be positive: "I'm okay with X only if Y happens." For instance, "You can finish in my mouth anytime if you give me a heads up so I can prepare." That way the initiator knows how to do things in a permitted way.

• Emotional Boundaries: Discuss what's off-limits in terms of tone or context. For example, "If we're having a serious argument or I'm crying about something unrelated, free use is off, don't just try to 'sex it away' unless I initiate." Or "No degradation talk unless I'm clearly in the mood for it." Emotional boundaries are subtle but important. One partner might not want the other to pretend to be someone else (like some CNC fantasies involve roleplaying "stranger rape", maybe that's too mentally uncomfortable for the used partner, who prefers to keep it as "it's you, my love, who is taking me, not a pretend assailant"). Clarify these nuances. Another boundary might be, "If I'm actively sick (flu, etc.), free use is paused because I feel vulnerable in a non-sexy way." The overarching emotional boundary could be: "We won't use this if it starts to harm our emotional connection, we both commit to speak up if we feel weird or distant because of it." That kind of meta-boundary keeps the kink serving the relationship, not vice versa.

Setting Time Limits: Why have time limits at all? Because it can be daunting to say “you have my consent indefinitely.” Many couples choose to do time-bound scenes or trials for CNC and free use. Here are ways to incorporate that:

• Scene-Based Limits: Some treat free use as a scene with a clear start and stop. For instance, a couple might explicitly say, "Tonight from 8pm until midnight, we're doing free use. After midnight, we go back to asking." This can be hot because it creates a bubble of playtime where anything goes. It's also easier to maintain a certain headspace for a few hours than forever. You might do a whole weekend, e.g., "From Friday night to Sunday morning, we'll roleplay that I'm your free use slave." Then when it ends, you both exit that mindset. This approach ensures there's a built-in end, which can make the "used" partner feel safer to let go, knowing they can rest or have normalcy after.

• Ongoing but with Checkpoints: If you decide to make free use a more continuous part of your life, set checkpoints. As mentioned, maybe after one week, check in; then a month; then three months, etc. Or at any point either can call for a reevaluation. Having a calendar mark like, "On October 1 we'll review this" can psychologically give each a chance to tweak or voice concerns, instead of feeling like "I agreed to this and now I can't complain." It's not unlike a performance review at work, except way more fun and intimate!

• Conditional Time-outs: Life events might necessitate temporary limits. If someone is super stressed at work for a period, they might say, "Can we put free use on hold until this project is done? I'm just not in the headspace." It's good to agree that this is allowed and doesn't mean the dynamic is over, just paused. Similarly, pregnancy, postpartum, grief, or other major life changes might require scaling back. Your agreement can mention that: "Life events may require suspending this arrangement; we agree to support each other and resume only when ready."

• Using Timers or Signals in Scene: In a micro sense, if doing a CNC roleplay, some use timers (e.g., the “attacker” has this window to do what they want, then it ends). Or the submissive might have a token they drop when they’ve had enough for now (like a tapping out). Free use in a day-to-day sense might not use a timer, but you could say “not longer than X minutes if I’m clearly busy with something.” For example, if the used partner is working from home, maybe you agree the other can distract them for 5-10 minutes but won’t derail an hour-long meeting. These little pragmatic time boundaries prevent frustration.

One more aspect: Documenting consent and using apps as part of creating your rules. While not sexy, some couples do literally write and sign a consensual sex contract. There are PDF templates for sexual consent out there (some tongue-in-cheek, some serious). A few years ago, apps like LegalFling attempted to offer a way to record consent electronically. The idea was you both check off what's allowed and it's saved in case any dispute arises. Most of those apps haven't become mainstream, partly because they oversimplify consent (consent can be withdrawn, which a form can't really capture in real-time). However, using a shared note or app like KinkList can be a cool way to keep track of your agreement. There's an app called Kinx (a kink checklist app) that lets you both mark what you're into and sync it, which could be useful for establishing a baseline of likes/dislikes.

Remember, the goal of all these boundaries and rules is to make sure everyone feels safe enough to let go and enjoy. It might seem like overkill to do all this homework for a fantasy, but for edgy play, the prep work is what allows you to really immerse in it without fear. As the saying goes in BDSM: "The difference between art and abuse is agreement." By creating your own free use contract and clearly defined limits, you craft the agreement that lets this be an artful, erotic adventure rather than a risky gamble.