Getting Started with Age Play
So you've realized age play piques your interest... what next? Starting out can feel daunting. You might worry, "Will my partner think I'm weird or sick for wanting this?" or "How do I even bring it up?"
Rest assured, with open communication and a bit of courage, you can ease into age play in a way that feels comfortable.
Want to explore age play with your partner in a structured, comfortable way? The BeMoreKinky app provides over 25 fantasy roleplay scenarios and guided activities that help couples navigate new dynamics together, making it easier to discover what works for both of you.
Here's a step-by-step guide to help you get started:
1. Self-Reflection: Know Your Interests and Boundaries: Before involving someone else, take some time to understand what exactly draws you to age play. Are you fantasizing about being the little one, the caregiver, or maybe both at different times? What age range appeals to you (toddler, young child, teenager)? Do you imagine sexual scenarios, or is it more about cuddles and non-sexual regression?
Understanding these preferences will help you explore the various types of age play dynamics and determine what style resonates with you. It's okay if you don't have all the answers, but getting a sense of your own motivations will help you communicate them. As one guide suggests, knowing whether you're looking to "explore vulnerability, power dynamics, or simply experience a different side of your sexuality" will give you clarity and confidence.
Also reflect on your boundaries: what aspects are off-limits for you? For instance, you might be open to roleplaying a teenager, but you don't want to involve any pretend incest language like "daughter" or "son." Or you might love the idea of pacifiers and baby attire but know that actual diaper usage is a hard no. List these soft and hard limits for yourself.
2. Research and Educate Yourself: It helps to do a bit of homework so you feel less alone and more informed. You're already reading this guide, great! You can also check out reputable resources on kink and sexuality (sites like Kinkly, FetLife forums, or even Psychology Today articles on fetish and fantasy) to see how others approach age play. Reading personal accounts or guides can reduce that "I'm the only one with this kink" feeling and give you ideas for implementation. For example, learning about others' rules, rituals, and experiences can inspire your own.
However, be cautious about random porn or erotica as your sole education. Those are often exaggerated fantasies and might not highlight the crucial communication and consent part. Real-life kink blogs and forums will often emphasize negotiation and aftercare, which is important for you to know. Familiarizing yourself with terms (like what a "little space" or "Big" means, as you've seen here) will also make it easier to explain things to your partner without stumbling.
3. Open a Conversation with Your Partner: This is usually the scariest step, telling your partner you want to try age play. It's normal to feel vulnerable when sharing a fantasy that could be misunderstood. To set yourself up for success, choose a good time and setting: a private, relaxed environment when you're not in the middle of intimacy. As one sex columnist advises, _"Never simply jump into baby talk in the bedroom or blurt it out mid-sex"_; that could be jarring for both of you.
Instead, perhaps one evening when you're cuddling or having a casual chat, say you have something personal to discuss. Frame it in a positive way: you're sharing because you trust them and you think exploring this together could be fun and bonding. Esther Perel suggests starting from reassurance: make it clear you love your current intimacy and this is not because they're failing you.
You might say something like, "I've been reading about a kink called age play. Have you heard of it? It's where adults role-play being different ages. I find the idea kind of exciting/interesting. I want to be open with you about it and see how you feel." Be prepared to explain what it means to you personally: e.g., "I think for me, it's more about being taken care of and feeling small, not that I actually want to be a child" or "I have this fantasy of calling you Daddy in bed, but I know it's role-play."
Speak from your heart and use "I" statements about what you feel and desire. Avoid sounding ashamed or like you're confessing a crime. If you act like it's something terrible, your partner will pick up on that energy. Instead, present it as an exciting adventure you'd like to explore together, and emphasize that you're just discussing ideas, not demanding anything. Give them room to react, ask questions, or even say they need time to think.
4. Discuss Boundaries and Interests Together: If your partner is open (or at least not immediately against it), move into a collaborative discussion of boundaries and mutual comfort zones. This is the negotiation phase. For comprehensive guidance on this crucial step, read our detailed guide on age play safety, consent, and legal considerations. Ask them how they feel about certain aspects: "Would you be comfortable with me calling you Mommy/Daddy?" "Does the idea of pretending I'm younger weird you out or intrigue you?"
They may have concerns, so address them honestly. Common worries from partners are "Is this pedophilia?" or "Do you think I'm a pervert?" or "Why am I not enough as an adult?". Reassure them with facts: **psychologists explicitly say age play has nothing to do with actual minors or pedophilia. It's just pretend between adults**. Make it clear you're attracted to them, and this is a way to have fun, not a sign of dysfunction.
Also, listen to their feelings. Maybe they say, "Okay, we can try, but I don't want to wear any strange costumes," or "I'm willing to role-play but I'm not comfortable with the baby stuff, maybe like teens instead." Find a common ground that honors both of you. You might decide on an age range (say, you'll play around with a persona between ages 5-10 because anything younger might be too much for them to imagine, or vice versa).
You should also set some initial limits: for example, no sexual contact if one of you is feeling uncomfortable in-role, or agreeing that certain names (like using "Daddy" is okay but using "daughter" isn't, or whatever) are off-limits if they cause unease. And absolutely, pick a safeword or "out-of-character" signal before you start any intense play. A safeword is usually a random word like "Red" or "Pineapple" that either of you can say at any time to stop the scene if things become too uncomfortable or overwhelming. It's the safety net.
5. Start Small and Ease into It: When it comes time to actually try age play, don't pressure yourselves to put on a Broadway performance or have an elaborate setup from day one. It's perfectly okay to start with a light version of age play to test the waters. For instance, you might simply incorporate a bit of baby talk or one or two elements into foreplay rather than a full scenario.
One idea: next time you're intimate, the sub partner could wear something slightly childish (like cute knee-high socks or a simple hair bow) and perhaps say "Yes, Daddy" once or twice to see how it feels. Alternatively, do a low-key roleplay like, "Tonight, let's pretend you're the tutor and I'm the student with a crush." Many age play dynamics naturally connect with femdom or gentle domination approaches, especially when the caregiver role involves loving authority and guidance.
Keep it short and afterward, debrief: did it feel exciting? Awkward? What parts were hot or not? Gradual experimentation is key. As a guide in Playful Magazine suggests, you can start with simple scenarios without elaborate props. Maybe you sit on your partner's lap and have them feed you a cookie, or you playfully pout and say "I don't wanna go to bed" just to spark that dynamic. You don't need a nursery built in your house to begin.
Choose one or two activities that hint at the roles and give them a try. This phased approach also helps build confidence. With each small positive experience, you both will feel more comfortable to go a bit further next time.
6. Gather Props or Gear (Optional): After a few low-key attempts, if you both enjoy it, you might consider adding **props, costumes, or toys** to enhance the immersion. For detailed information on choosing appropriate items, check out our guide to age play gear and accessories. This can be as simple as buying a pacifier or sippy cup from the baby aisle (there are also adult-sized pacifiers available online), or getting a childish pajamas/onesie for the little to wear. Some couples create a "little kit," a box of coloring books, stickers, stuffed animals, etc., that they bring out when doing age play.
You certainly don't need a full wardrobe or nursery setup to do age play, but a few accessories can help set the mood and also act as signals like, "Okay, we're entering into that space now." For example, a choker with a pacifier charm might become the "little collar" the sub wears during age play sessions. Keep it within your budget and comfort level.
Half the fun can be shopping together for these items, which reinforces that you're both on the same team exploring this. If you're the caregiver role and your partner is nervous about asking for things, surprise them with a small gift like a cute plush toy or a cartoon-themed blanket to show your support.
7. Learn and Adjust as You Go: The first few times might feel a bit awkward, and that's completely normal! It's okay to break character with giggles or to say "This feels silly." Often acknowledging the silliness helps you move past it. After each session or experiment, talk openly (once you're both out of role) about what you each liked or didn't like.
Perhaps you discovered that being called "baby girl" made you feel warm and fuzzy, but being told "you're only 5, you don't know about that" hit a nerve in a bad way. Share that with your partner so they know to do more of the former and avoid the latter.
Over time, you'll refine your "rules of engagement." Maybe you'll develop a pre-play ritual, like the Big shows the little a particular toy or uses a codephrase to signal "we're starting the scene now." Maybe you'll realize certain times are better for play (weekends when stress is low vs. weeknights when you're exhausted). Treat it as a fun learning process. No one is an expert age player from day one; even long-time couples continually discover new preferences and edges.
8. Connect with the Community (if desired): If you and your partner are enjoying age play, you might benefit from connecting with the broader age play or BDSM community for support and ideas. There are forums, FetLife groups, and even local "munches" (casual meetup events for kinksters, often at a cafe or restaurant) specifically for Caregivers and Littles (sometimes labeled CGL or DDLG communities).
Participating can normalize your experience (you'll see lots of other perfectly ordinary folks who like pacifiers and paddles in the bedroom) and you can get tips from people who've been doing it longer. For instance, they might share how they built up the courage to do public age play in subtle ways, or recommend good vendors for adult-sized baby gear, or discuss how to handle it if one partner temporarily isn't in the mood for that dynamic. Some cities even have age play parties or conventions, like CAPCon (Chicago Age Play Convention) in the US, where people get together to play in a safe, private environment with others. That might be too advanced or not your thing, and that's fine. It's just an option.
9. Go at the Pace of the More Cautious Partner: When starting out, always defer to the comfort level of whoever is more nervous or hesitant. If one of you is gung-ho to dive into a full weekend of baby time but the other is like “hmm, I’m 70% okay with this idea,” then you proceed at 70%, not 100. In practice, this means being patient, checking in (“Is this okay? Want to pause or continue?”), and perhaps incrementally pushing boundaries only after getting consent. Trust is built over time. When the more cautious partner sees that the curious partner isn’t going to force anything and is responsive to their feelings, they’ll relax more and possibly become more adventurous. Consent in kink is often described as ongoing and enthusiastic, so keep communication flowing.
10. Embrace the Fun (and Don't Overthink It): At the end of the day, age play is supposed to be play! It can feel serious at first because of the emotional vulnerability involved, but remember to have fun with it. Let yourself be silly.
If you're the little, allow yourself to make mistakes, to be naive, to laugh or even cry if the emotions come (some littles find themselves crying happy tears or cathartic tears, that's okay, just discuss after). If you're the Big, enjoy the creativity of crafting little "scenes." Maybe you plan a surprise like "today we're going to play make-believe school and I got you a new coloring book for art class."
Don't worry about "doing it right." There is no single right way. You and your partner's way is the right way for you two. As long as it's consensual and kind, lean into what feels good rather than what you think it should look like. Some couples have very disciplinarian age play; others are goofy and sweet. Find your style.
Starting age play is like opening a door to a secret playroom. At first you open it a crack, peek in, and maybe step back out a few times. But gradually, as you decorate that room with trust, communication, and shared positive experiences, it can become a beloved private world for you and your partner.
Go at your own pace, equip yourself with knowledge and empathy, and soon the nervousness will give way to enjoyment. Many people report that once they got over the initial hump of awkwardness, age play became a natural and cherished part of their relationship, strengthening their bond and spicing up their intimate life. With time, you'll likely wonder why you were so nervous to begin with!
Age Play Rules and Boundaries
Age play requires boundaries specific to the dynamic: agree on the little's age range and persona, which caregiver titles feel comfortable (some avoid "daughter/son" while accepting "little girl/boy"), and whether childhood trauma topics or specific phrases are off-limits for either partner. Discuss when you'll drop the dynamic for real-world matters and how the little can signal "out of character" if speaking a safeword feels too adult in the moment. For comprehensive guidance on negotiating limits and creating yes/no/maybe lists, see our BDSM boundaries guide.
Safety and Consent in Age Play
Safety and consent are the bedrock of all kink, and age play is no exception. In fact, because age play can involve headspaces that mimic real power imbalances (adult vs child), it's especially important to make sure real-life consent and safety measures are firmly in place.
Here we'll cover how to keep age play safe, consensual, and responsible, so that it remains a positive experience for everyone involved.
Explicit, Informed Consent: First and foremost, all participants must give explicit consent to engage in age play. This means everyone understands what age play entails in your context and agrees to it willingly, without pressure.
For example, if you're introducing your partner to age play, ensure they know the general idea (e.g. "We'll be pretending one of us is much younger") and the specific activities you have in mind. They should consent not just to "age play" as a concept, but to the elements within it, whether that includes spanking, sexual contact, use of diapers, etc. Informed consent means no unpleasant surprises. Both of you have the right to say "yes," "no," or "maybe, with conditions" to each element.
If you have a fantasy of some pretty intense scenario (say a non-consensual roleplay scene where the "child" character is overpowered), you must discuss that in reality both of you are agreeing to simulate non-consent, and outline how to stop if anyone feels truly uncomfortable. It's a tricky line to walk, so only attempt CNC (consensual non-consent) type scenes if you have total trust and experience, and even then, always have a safeword that immediately breaks the illusion if used.
Safewords and Signals: As mentioned in the boundaries section, have a clear safeword that either of you can say at any time to stop or slow down the play. Common safeword systems use "Red" for stop, "Yellow" for "ease up/check in", and "Green" for "all good, continue." These are easy to remember and don't clash with ordinary kid talk (a little might say "No, no, please don't spank me!" as part of play and not mean it literally, so you don't want "no" to be the thing that stops the scene, hence a unique word like Red).
Make sure the Big especially honors any safeword instantly without question. If the little says "Red," the Big should drop character and attend to them: stop what you're doing, untie them if tied, comfort them, and discuss or just hold them as needed. Never punish or get upset over a safeword. It's a gift that someone trusts you enough to use it.
Also incorporate nonverbal signals if gagging or regression may impede clear speech. For instance, holding up a hand with a fist could mean Red if the little is so deep in role they can't articulate words.
In age play, a little might feel "too small" to say a safeword, so discuss that outside of play: reassure the little that no matter how little they feel, the safeword is a magical spell that their little self is still allowed to use. Some couples even choose a safeword that fits the theme, like "School's out" or "Time-out," but whatever it is, ensure it's unambiguous.
Physical Safety Measures: If your age play includes physical BDSM elements (restraints, impact play like spanking, etc.), follow the general safety rules for those activities. Example: If tying up "the naughty child," use proper bondage safety (not too tight, no circulation cut off, safety shears nearby to cut rope quickly if needed). For spankings or corporal punishment roleplay, know the safe spots (spank the fleshy buttocks, thighs perhaps, but avoid the lower back/kidney area or hitting too high).
Keep any implements clean and in good condition. If using gags (maybe a pacifier gag, which is a BDSM toy), remember that impedes verbal safewords. Rely on that nonverbal signal or maybe avoid gags until you're quite experienced with each other. Never leave a bound or vulnerable partner unattended, even if they're role-playing a "time out" or something. Real children might be left in a playpen alone; a "little" should not be left tied up alone, that's a real safety hazard.
Also consider sexual safety: use protection (condoms, dental dams) as needed if you're not fluid-bonded and want to prevent STIs or pregnancy. Being in a "kid" persona does not magically remove adult sexual health concerns! In fact, sometimes the roleplay might involve things like enema play or diapers which pose unique hygiene issues.
Ensure cleanliness, use medical-grade equipment for enemas, never reuse enema nozzles between partners without sterilization, etc. Diaper usage: if a partner is okay with using diapers (wetting, etc.), have a plan to clean up promptly to avoid skin irritation or infection. Have baby wipes and disposal bags ready. These aren't sexy details, but responsible kink means prepping for the unsexy stuff too.
Emotional Safety: Emotional safety is huge in age play. Because one partner may be delving into childhood emotions, it can make them feel extra fragile or susceptible to real hurt if something goes wrong. Both partners should commit to not using any personal insults or real-life shaming.
Even if humiliation is part of the fetish, keep it focused on behaviors in the scene ("This handwriting is sloppy, I expect better from you," or "You're such a naughty girl for disobeying me") rather than attacking the person's real self ("You're stupid," "You're messed up," etc., are lines you don't cross).
And absolutely no ridiculing the kink itself mid-scene. Like the Big should never say "This is so ridiculous" while the little is vulnerable; that could cut deep. Save any critiques or feedback for after, in a constructive way. Emotional aftercare (next section) is also a big part of safety; making sure the little and Big both feel secure and loved after an intense session.
Environment Control: Ensure the environment is safe from interruptions or unwanted eyes/ears. If a scene were interrupted by a phone call or, God forbid, someone walking in, it could be jarring or traumatic. So lock doors, silence phones, maybe put on some background music to mask noise if thin walls (but nothing that would bring you out of it, maybe cartoons or kids' music if that fits!). Knowing you won't be disturbed helps both parties let go more fully.
If playing online (some do age play via text or chat), the same principles apply: ensure the person on the other end is truly an adult (unfortunately, law enforcement have run stings where they pose as adults doing age play to catch potential predators)Reference.
A good practice is to verify ages via a video call or reliable method before engaging in any explicit age play chat with a new partner online. It's sad we have to consider it, but there have been cases of adults roleplaying age play in a chat room only to find out the "adult" was actually an undercover agent or, worse, a minor lying about their age. Stay in adult-only communities/platforms, and ideally, age-verify others or stick to known individuals.
On the legal note: be careful with online age play content. In some jurisdictions, text or drawings describing sexual scenarios with minors (even if between consenting adults roleplaying) can be legally problematic. For instance, law enforcement has at times misinterpreted or pursued people for erotic age play chat logsReference. It's a bit of a gray area legally (fantasy between adults is protected free speech in many places, but authorities can be overzealous).
To be safe, keep fantasies and play private among consenting adults, and certainly never share images that could be misconstrued as actual child pornography (e.g., don't take pictures of your partner dressed as a child in sexual poses. Even though they are an adult, an image of someone looking prepubescent in a sexual context could raise flags). Stick to enjoying the moment live with your partner. If you journal or record things, keep them secure.
Safely Managing Headspace: When a little is deep in "little headspace," they may not be able to advocate for themselves like they normally would. This is where the caregiver must take on the responsibility of being their protector for real. Keep an eye on their physical state: are they too cold (maybe littles aren't great at saying "I need a blanket")? Are they getting dehydrated?
One age play resource analogizes littlespace to being a bit like being tipsy. You might not realize you're doing something harmful until later. So the Big should ensure the little doesn't unknowingly hurt themselves (like if running around playing and they trip, do basic first aid; or if they're coloring for hours, maybe prompt them to stretch or rest their eyes). Also, monitor mental state: if you notice signs of true distress or dissociation (e.g., the little seems "out of it" or unresponsive beyond what's role-appropriate), gently bring them back to the present or pause the scene.
In other words, exercise due care like you would with a real child in some ways, but remembering this is an adult you love who has limits and needs.
For the Big's safety: Dominants sometimes don't realize they need to care for themselves too. If you're the Big and you feel unsure or overwhelmed at any point (say an unexpected emotional reaction wells up in you, or you suddenly feel guilty mid-scene, etc.), you also have the right to pause.
Maybe you don't want to scare your little by breaking character abruptly, but you could use a phrase like "Game pause" or a predetermined sign that you need a break. It's better to take a breather than to try to push through and then potentially mishandle something. Age play can bring up stuff for the caregiver too (e.g., if you had a bad parent model, you might worry "am I being too mean?" or it might evoke your own childhood memories unexpectedly).
No Involving Actual Minors – Ever: This should go without saying, but let's be very explicit: Never involve a real minor in age play. That means obviously don't bring kids into your scenes or have them present. It also means keep all your age play discussions and communities adult-only.
If you have kids in your household, maintain boundaries (e.g., have a private space with locked storage for any age play gear so kids don't accidentally find "Mommy's weird pacifier"). Be mindful of leaving out anything that could confuse or expose a child to adult themes. This is part of being a responsible kink practitioner.
Also, most age players strongly disavow any interest in real minors. Being vocal about that if needed can reassure concerned partners. For instance, you might say to your significant other, "I want to roleplay this, but trust me, I have zero interest in any real kids. That idea actually disgusts me. It's the pretend aspect I like," which aligns with expert opinions that age play participants find actual child abuse abhorrent and distinct from their fantasy.
Be Cautious with Public Scenes: Some age players enjoy bits of their play in public, like wearing childlike clothing or using a sippy cup at a kink event. Public play, however, runs the risk of non-consensual exposure to bystanders. We have to respect that others might not want to witness what looks like parental roleplay.
The rule of thumb: if someone might reasonably mistake what you're doing as involving an actual child or could be disturbed by it, don't do it in front of them. Keep overt age play to kink-friendly venues or private settings.
If going out in "little gear" (like adult-sized onesie or a kid-like outfit) makes you happy, that's generally fine as long as it's decent and you're not engaging in sexual acts in public. People might just think you're wearing a quirky costume or have a youthful fashion sense. But something like being led on a leash with a teddy bear might draw uncomfortable stares. Use discretion and maybe save it for fetish events or known safe spaces.
Online Safety Tips: As mentioned earlier with law enforcement stings, also remember to be cautious online. Age play can attract negative attention, and representations of age play online have even been proposed to be banned by some child protection groups out of misunderstanding. While that's controversial, it underscores that if you're posting age play content online, you could become a target for trolls or misinformed individuals. Keep personal information private, and if you meet partners online, vet them thoroughly. Use age-verified communities when possible.
Aftercare as Part of Safety: We'll dive deeper into aftercare next, but note here that proper aftercare is part of safety. Coming out of an age play scene can leave one or both parties emotionally raw or mentally "floating." It's similar to what's known as "sub drop" or "top drop" in BDSM, an emotional crash after the highReference.
Planning aftercare (snacks, hydration, cuddles, a calm period to transition back to adulthood) is a preventative measure to ensure neither of you is left in a vulnerable state post-play. A great safety practice is to agree not to make any major decisions or judgments for a little while after a scene. You're not in the most rational headspace perhaps, so give it some hours or a day before analyzing the session or deciding if you "loved/hated" it. In the immediate aftermath, just focus on comfort and recovery.
In essence, treat age play with the same seriousness you would any intimate activity: protect each other's physical well-being, emotional health, and consent rights. Doing so doesn't kill the fun. In fact, it amplifies it, because when you know you're with someone who has your safety at heart, you can let go and explore those taboo edges far more freely.
Remember, consent is not a one-time checkbox. Keep communicating before, during, and after scenes. And safety is not a mood-killer. It's a foundation that allows the mood to flourish. As long as you approach age play with mutual respect and care, you can indulge in even the edgiest fantasies with confidence that it's only play. You'll both come out the other side smiling, perhaps a bit tired and messy, but unharmed and closer than ever.