Polyamory Resources: Books, Communities & Support
Here's a curated list of some top resources; from classic books to active communities; that can support your journey into polyamory and open relationships:
Building your polyamory toolkit? The BeMoreKinky app complements books and communities with 9 romance activities for sharing fantasies and 24 flirty roleplay scenarios to help couples practice communication skills essential for successful polyamorous relationships.
Essential Books on Polyamory
The Ethical Slut
Often nicknamed "the polyamory bible," this groundbreaking book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy is a fantastic starting point for anyone exploring open relationships. In fact, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships and Other Adventures is widely recommended as a first read for newbies. It's written by two folks who've been doing nonmono for ages, and they cover jealousy, community building, all that. Pretty warm and funny too, very sex-positive in its approach. They reclaim the word "slut" to mean someone who joyfully pursues sexuality with the consent of all involved, and dispel myths that you must choose between freedom and intimacy; you can have both ethically. Reading this book feels like sitting down with wise mentors who assure you "you're not crazy or alone for wanting this." It's a classic for a reason. (Fun fact: it's now in its third edition, reflecting how polyamory has evolved since the '90s.)
Opening Up
Written by sex educator Tristan Taormino, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships is another excellent guide, particularly if you're in a couple transitioning from monogamy. She goes into different kinds of nonmono; swinging, polyfidelity, mono/poly mixes, all that stuff. Tons of interviews with actual people too so you get different perspectives. If you're wondering how to go about "opening up" step by step, this book is like a roadmap.
More Than Two
More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert is a comprehensive deep-dive into poly principles and pitfalls. Kinda reads like a textbook but it lays out core stuff; honesty, autonomy, compassion. Each chapter includes anecdotes and often the authors' own mistakes and lessons learned. Important note: In recent years, Franklin Veaux has faced accusations of unethical behavior in his personal relationships, which has led some in the community to view this book with a more critical eye. Nonetheless, many of the ideas in it remain valuable; just remember, no resource is infallible. The More Than Two website also has a trove of free essays and FAQs on polyamory, which can be great for quick topic-based reading. (As always, cross-reference advice with other sources and your own intuition.)
Polysecure
One of the newer influential books, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy by Jessica Fern, is fantastic if you want to understand attachment theory in the context of polyamory. Fern's a therapist and she gets into how our attachment patterns show up when there's multiple people involved, plus ways to work through old wounds. If you or a partner have a history of trauma or insecurity, this book can be a game-changer in framing how to create a sense of safety while being open. It's more psychology-focused than the "how-to" style of other books, but written accessibly. Many readers have those "aha!" moments about their emotional patterns through Polysecure.
The Jealousy Workbook
For a very hands-on approach to working through jealousy, Kathy Labriola's The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships is a gem. Labriola is a counselor who has helped poly clients for decades, and she packs this workbook with quizzes, writing prompts, and concrete techniques. It's designed for either individual use or to do together with partners. You'll explore what triggers you, what underlying beliefs might be fueling jealousy, and practice reframing exercises. If jealousy is a major sticking point, this resource can really guide you in a structured way. (Labriola has also written Love in Abundance, another nice book on the challenges of poly.)
Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory
This is a smaller, very readable book by Cunning Minx (creator of the Polyamory Weekly podcast). It's like sitting down with a friend who's giving you the Cliff's Notes: frank talk about common mistakes and how to avoid them, with humor. Topics include "poly under duress" (never a good idea) and "the Tough Conversations." It's fairly short; great for those who want actionable insights quickly.
Online Communities and Forums
Sometimes you need real-time advice or just to lurk and see what issues others are discussing. Reddit has a thriving r/polyamory subreddit with hundreds of thousands of members. People post questions, success stories, memes; it's a mixed bag but often supportive. You can search the subreddit for past threads on topics of interest ("jealousy," "coming out poly," etc.). Outside Reddit, Polyamory.com is a long-standing forum with discussion threads. It might be a bit slower-paced but has many knowledgeable contributors. Facebook has numerous polyamory groups (e.g., Polyamory Discussion, or local city-based poly groups). These can be hit or miss in terms of quality and privacy; be mindful that Facebook is not anonymous, so if you aren't out publicly, be cautious. Another niche platform: FetLife, primarily for the kink community, also has poly discussion groups and many kinky folks are poly; however, you don't have to be kinky to join or benefit from the discussions, just know the environment includes BDSM topics. Wherever you go, remember public forums are public; consider using an alias and don't reveal personal info you wouldn't want out there. That said, reading and participating in communities can make you feel far less alone, and you'll see a wide variety of poly configurations and issues which can normalize your own experience.
Local Meetups and Organizations
Finding polyamory in person can be wonderful. Many cities have local polyamory meetups (try searching Meetup.com for "polyamory" or "non-monogamy" in your area). These might be casual social gatherings (often called "munches" borrowing the term from kink communities; low-key meetups at a café or bar to chat), or discussion groups, or even events like polyfamily picnics. Loving More is a nonprofit that's been around forever, which hosts polyamory conferences and retreats in the US. They also have local chapters in some areas. Conferences like Poly Living or Infinity Con (varies by region) are immersive weekends with workshops and social events; a great way to deepen knowledge and community. Universities in some progressive areas now have polyamory student groups or discussion panels. Keep an eye out for those if you're in school.
Podcasts and Media
If you like to learn by listening, there are several podcasts. Multiamory is a popular one; hosts Dedeker, Jase, and Emily cover tons of topics in polyamory and interview experts. They're entertaining and insightful, often discussing their own poly journeys. Polyamory Weekly (by Cunning Minx) is one of the longest-running poly podcasts, with a huge back-catalog of Q&A and interviews. Esther Perel's podcast "Where Should We Begin?" isn't specifically about polyamory, but it does feature some non-monogamous couples in therapy sessions and is generally brilliant about relationships. There are also YouTube channels (like Poly Popcorn or Ash's Polyamory) where poly folks discuss issues and misconceptions; sometimes seeing actual people talk about it makes it more relatable.
Websites and Blogs
Aside from MoreThanTwo.com, there's PolyLand (by Page Turner) which has regularly updated polyamory commentary and advice. Practical Polyamory (practicalpolyamory.com) by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff has many articles, especially about poly families and research (Sheff is known for her longitudinal studies on children in poly households, showing they turn out just fine). Franklin Veaux's site (ferretting.com formerly, not sure current) has his writings outside of More Than Two. Reddit's Wiki/FAQ on r/polyamory is also a handy starting compilation of terms and basic questions. For more academic or news articles, Polyamory in the News (polyinthemedia.blogspot.com) is a long-running blog that shares media coverage and developments related to polyamory; great for tracking societal recognition, legal changes, etc.
Poly-Friendly Professionals
If you decide you'd like therapy or counseling to help navigate open relationships (which can be super beneficial if you find the right therapist), look for polyamory-friendly therapists. A general marriage counselor who is ignorant about poly might pathologize your choices, so it's worth seeking someone knowledgeable. The Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory (on polyfriendly.org) is one place to find therapists, doctors, etc., who are affirming of polyamorous clients. The Kink and Poly Aware Professionals Directory (KAP) by NCSF is another. Even if you're not kinky, many KAP-listed therapists are also experienced with poly clients. Don't hesitate to utilize professional help; having a neutral mediator or guide can smooth out bumps and give personalized strategies.
Additional Reading
A quickfire list of other books you might explore as you advance: Love's Not Color Blind by Kevin Patterson (on diversity and racism in polyamory spaces; important read), When Someone You Love is Kinky (not poly-specific but useful if navigating kink too), Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator by Amy Gahran (broadens the view beyond couple norms), Partner Don't Pull Rank (a guide on non-hierarchical polyamory), Ask Me About Polyamory (a fun comic collection by Tikva Wolf, great for a lighthearted but insightful take), and Children in Polyamorous Families (a shorter guide by Wes Fenza, if parenting is a concern). There are also memoirs like Polyamory and Jealousy by Eve Rickert or Designer Relationships by Mark Michaels which can offer personal perspectives.
Polyamory Dating Resources
If you are looking to meet partners, note that mainstream dating apps like OkCupid allow you to indicate you're non-monogamous and link profiles with a partner. There are also poly-specific or ENM-friendly dating apps such as Feeld (popular for couples seeking either other couples or singles, and for fluid arrangements) and #Open. Be upfront about being ENM/poly in your profile; saves everyone time. There are also Facebook and FetLife groups dedicated to poly matchmaking in local areas. Just always practice safety when meeting new people.
Polyamory has a learning curve, and while nothing substitutes for real-life experience, absorbing knowledge from books and communities can accelerate your growth and help you avoid common mistakes.
One lovely aspect of polyamory is the emphasis on community; many find that their circle of poly friends becomes like an extended family. Don't be afraid to reach out and connect. As the saying goes, "It takes a village to raise a polyamorist"!