•BeMoreKinky Team

Bondage Gear Guide: Equipment and Safe Use

So you're curious about BDSM, or maybe you want to try something new? Good, this is where things get interesting. BDSM stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism, but forget what you've seen in the movies. As renowned educator Midori famously quips, BDSM is like "childhood joyous play with adult sexual privilege and cool toys… like cops and robbers with shagging". Basically, it's adults using toys and tools to explore power, pleasure, and trust however they want.

Before we go further, drop the shame or worry if you're carrying any. As author Jay Wiseman notes, "the greatest reason people fear S&M is that they don't understand it". So let's fix that. This guide covers BDSM toys and devices: beginner restraints, impact tools, high-tech gadgets, all of it. We'll pull from experienced educators like Midori, Jay Wiseman, Tristan Taormino, and others, plus real community insights. You'll learn what these toys are and how to actually use them without screwing up.

New to bondage and want to start simple? The BeMoreKinky app offers 25 beginner bondage activities, from basic wrist ties to headboard restraints, helping you build skills and confidence before investing in specialized gear.

Ready to explore? As Esther Perel might say, curiosity is your ticket. Let's begin this journey through the tantalizing toolbox of kink, where each item, whether a simple blindfold or a leather flogger, is really a tool for communication and erotic discovery.

Kinky Sex Toys for Every Experience Level

A display of various bondage tools and equipment including rope and implements

One of the beautiful aspects of BDSM is that there are kinky sex toys for every comfort zone and experience level. Total beginner? Experienced player? Doesn't matter, there's something that'll work for where you're at.

You don't need special gear right away. A necktie works as a blindfold or wrist tie. Robe belt or soft stockings? Restraints (just don't tie them super tight or use stuff that shrinks). Wooden spoon? Spanking paddle. Lots of kinksters start by improvising like this. BDSM is creative by nature. Using everyday items for sexy purposes not only saves money but reinforces the idea that it's the connection and context that make something erotic, not just the object itself.

As you gain confidence, you can progress to intermediate toys. Maybe you try a leather flogger for a thuddy impact on the backside, or a set of nipple clamps for a new rush of sensation. Vibrators and dildos can be weaved into BDSM scenes too; for example, a bullet vibrator held against a bound partner can feel incredibly intense when they can't squirm away from the stimulation. Maybe you invest in a simple under-the-bed restraint system to spread-eagle a partner securely to the mattress (these kits are excellent for beginners because they're easy to set up and adjustable). With time, you learn what flavors of kink most entice you, be it sensual domination, spanking, roleplay, etc.

For the truly advanced players (those who have spent years exploring kink) the sky's the limit. There are elaborate rope suspension rigs, intricately knotted Shibari harnesses, metal spreader bars, chastity cages, latex vacuum beds, even custom-built dungeon furniture like Saint Andrew’s Crosses or stocks. By the time you’re drawn to these, you’ll likely have a clear sense of what excites you and a community of fellow kink geeks to learn from. I

And rest assured, kinky play is not a competition. There's no hierarchy where more extreme toys make you a "better" kinkster. The best BDSM toy is simply the one that unlocks hot, intimate feelings for you and your partner. As the saying goes, "a pervert is anybody kinkier than you are", meaning there will always be someone out there doing wilder stuff, but that's irrelevant to your journey. So start wherever you are, and savor the process of discovery.

SM Toys and Sadomasochism Equipment

A woman holds a riding crop demonstrating impact play equipment

Let's talk about the "S" and "M" in BDSM: sadomasochism, the giving and receiving of intense sensation, often (but not always) in the form of pain. This is where many classic "toys" come into play: floggers, whips, paddles, clamps, and more. The term "SM toys" simply refers to implements that can create those intense feelings. Now, the word "pain" can be scary or off-putting at first, but remember, in BDSM everything is done consensually and strategically to maximize pleasure, even when it's a brand of pleasure that involves a delicious dose of sting or ache. Think of it like spicy food: some people love a tiny spark of heat, while others crave ghost-pepper-level intensity. Midori uses exactly this analogy, explaining that an intense sensation doesn't have to equal suffering. "Some like spicy food and others like it less spicy… I love ghost peppers, but I don't always want that; sometimes I just want mac 'n' cheese". What's "too much" vs. "just right" is highly personal. SM toys come in a spectrum to accommodate those tastes.

Impact play tools are among the most common S/M devices. These include:

  • Floggers: multi-tailed leather or suede whips that create a thuddy or stinging impact depending on the material and force. They can be gentle or pretty damn intense. Beginner versions usually have softer, wider tails that thump more than sting. Advanced ones with rubber or thin leather? Those'll burn.

  • Paddles: flat implements that might be wood, leather, silicone, or even rubber. A paddle distributes sensation broadly; a leather paddle may feel thuddy and warm, while a thin wooden paddle can deliver a crisp “smack!” with more sting.

  • Canes: usually made of rattan, bamboo, or dense plastic/ fiberglass rods. Canes are serious business, they concentrate force in a narrow line, producing an intense sting and often leaving red welts or “tramlines” on the skin. Caning is typically an advanced play method, best used by experienced tops with precision and caution, and by masochists who enjoy sharp pain.

  • Riding Crops and Whips: A riding crop is a short stick with a leather tongue at the end, originally for equestrian use, adopted by kinky folks for quick flicks and slaps. Crops deliver a concentrated smack (more than a paddle, less severe than a cane) and are great for teasing or focusing attention ("pay attention swat!"). Longer bullwhips or singletail whips are another level of intensity; they can cut the skin and require lots of practice (often literally practiced on pillows or hanging targets for months before ever touching a partner). These are high-tier S/M tools, visually dramatic, but absolutely not for novices. If you're intrigued by whips, seek mentorship or classes... it's an art to use them without injury.

Beyond impact implements, S/M equipment also includes things designed for pinching, squeezing, or otherwise challenging the body. Clamps are a classic example, most commonly nipple clamps, but also clit clamps or other variations. Nipple clamps come in styles from simple spring-loaded clips to adjustable tension clamps.

Other "torture" devices include cock and ball toys for people with penises, e.g. cock rings that keep one engorged, parachute collars that tug on testicles, or even chastity cages that prevent erection. These impose discomfort or psychological tease more than outright pain, and they tap into power exchange (the wearer literally can't get hard or orgasm without permission if they're locked in a cage). Such toys blur the line between physical and mental S/M; they're as much about control and denial as sensation.

There are also more niche items: Wartenberg wheels, for instance, look like little spiked pizza-cutters. You roll them on the skin to create a tingling, prickly sensation that can range from ticklish to biting. Some enjoy hot wax play, dripping candle wax on the skin (only use skin-safe candles with a low melting point meant for wax play, and avoid sensitive areas).

Sensory deprivation hoods or earplugs can heighten other sensations to an almost painful intensity in the mind. Even a simple ice cube or a handful of ginger (for figging, an advanced practice of inserting ginger root anally for a slow-building burn) can be sadomasochistic tools, as a VICE writer gleefully notes. BDSM has an "oyster tray" of options, medical to earthy.

On the simpler end of sensation play, even tickling can be torture. Some people are incredibly ticklish; tied down and tickled with feathers, fingers, or a vibration toy, they might laugh until they cry and beg for mercy. For certain "lees" (tickling bottoms), that loss of control and forced laughter is a huge fetish. Because tickling can become genuinely unbearable, tops should always respect safe signals here too. It's all fun and games until someone can't breathe from giggling... so take breaks!

Temperature play, like teasing with ice cubes or dripping hot wax, is another form of sensation play that can qualify as "torturous" in sensation. An ice cube traced slowly along the inner thigh of a blindfolded partner might first feel refreshing, then shocking as numbness sets in; the mix of cold and anticipation can drive some wild. On the flip side, dripping warm (not boiling!) wax from a candle a few feet above the skin results in quick stingy spots that cool and harden... a rhythmic dance of "ouch, ahh". Candle wax that's body-safe (usually soy or paraffin blend for kink) is important; never use random decorative candles because their melting point might be too high, leading to real burns. Wax play is one of those things that looks extreme but is quite accessible if done carefully. The sensation of being slowly tortured by little hot droplets while immobilized can release intense endorphins and leave pretty patterns on the skin.

Respecting limits is also non-negotiable. A bottom might enjoy a certain level of pain but not beyond; perhaps they love the paddle but say "no canes, that's too much," or they enjoy nipple clamps but not anything that pricks the skin. Each person's "hell no" list will differ. Honoring those limits builds trust, which ironically then allows exploring right up to them.

Bondage Sex Toys

Rope bondage restraints demonstrating wrist binding techniques

Now let's shift focus to bondage, the "B" in BDSM, which deserves its own discussion. Bondage is about restraining or immobilizing someone (or yourself) for erotic reasons. Super popular in kink, and there's a ton of gear for it.

Common bondage toys include:

  • Ropes: From silky decorative shibari rope to rugged hemp ropes, these are classic for elaborate tie-ups. Rope bondage is practically its own art form; people spend years learning beautiful shibari knots and suspensions. You don't need to be a rope master, though. A few wraps will secure wrists or ankles just fine. Don't cut off circulation, keep rope off delicate joints and the neck. Keep safety shears nearby so you can cut the rope fast if something goes wrong (especially with natural fiber that can tighten under tension). Beginners might start with cotton or silk rope which is softer on the skin, or even pre-made rope cuffs (loops that are easy to cinch and undo). Advanced rope bunnies may prefer sturdier jute or hemp rope for its aesthetics and grip, but those can abrade skin if pulled hard.

  • Cuffs: We touched on these earlier; cuffs can be for wrists, ankles, thighs, even biceps. Leather cuffs with buckles are common in BDSM scenes because they're secure but also broadly comfortable for long wear, and they often have D-rings to clip onto other restraints or leashes. Metal handcuffs, like police-style cuffs, are actually less practical in extended play (they can dig into wrists and only have a single position). Many kinky folks only use metal cuffs for quick role-play scenarios or photo ops, preferring leather or neoprene cuffs for actual restraint. There are also hospital restraints (thick canvas straps) used in medical fetish scenes, which are very strong. And if you're aesthetic-minded, cuffs come in all colors and finishes... from pink vegan leather to heavy steel shackles, something for every vibe.

  • Collars: A collar around the neck can be symbolic (denoting a D/s relationship or a role-play persona) and also functional (some collars have rings for attaching a leash or chaining a person in place). Posture collars are a type of wide collar that keeps the chin up and restricts head movement; that's more about physical control and a particular look. Regular collars can be slim like a choker or as sturdy as a dog collar; materials vary (leather, faux leather, metal). Always ensure anything around the neck isn't actually choking. You should be able to slip a couple of fingers under the collar, and never tug so hard on a leash that it impedes breathing. Collars are a classic symbol of submission in BDSM, so some couples find the act of putting on a collar to be a powerful ritual to begin a scene.

  • Gags: While not a restraint on limbs, gags bondage one's ability to speak. A ball gag (a rubber or silicone ball strapped in the mouth) is iconic; it keeps the mouth open and muffles speech, making the wearer drool and feel helpless (some love this feeling!). There are also bit gags (like horse bits), inyour- mouth gags (penis-shaped or inflatable bladder gags), and tape gags (using safe tape over the mouth). Gags should be used with caution: the person cannot pronounce safewords when gagged, so you need alternative safety signals (like dropping a hand-held object or using a buzzer, or the top watching their eyes and body language vigilantly). Never leave a gagged person alone. Also be mindful; gags, especially ball gags, can cause jaw ache if worn too long or if too large. 20 minutes is a good starting limit.

  • Blindfolds and Hoods: A blindfold is perhaps the simplest bondage toy; it restrains sight. As mentioned, blocking sight heightens anticipation and makes the bottom wonderfully vulnerable to surprise touches. Sleep mask, custom leather blindfold, whatever, just make sure it's comfortable and blocks light completely.

A woman wearing a blindfold for sensory deprivation play Sensory deprivation hoods cover the entire head, sometimes including padding over eyes and ears, plunging the wearer into darkness and silence. Full hoods are intense; they can be claustrophobic for some, or deeply soothing for others who love the floaty feeling of being "in your own world". Hoods often also have a psychological effect of depersonalization (the person becomes more objectified, which can be part of some D/s dynamics). Always check on breathing; good hoods have a clear nose/mouth airway. A hooded, bound person is about as helpless as it gets, which is exactly the appeal for many! But such heavy bondage is again something to ease into as trust deepens.

  • Furniture and Equipment: This might count as "regular BDSM equipment" rather than a toy per se, but bondage can involve big equipment like St. Andrew's Crosses (X-shaped vertical frames you cuff someone to spread-eagled), spanking benches (padded benches designed to bend someone over at waist height), or suspension rigs (frames or hardpoints in the ceiling for tying rope suspensions). These pieces are usually found in professional dungeons or dedicated home playrooms. They're not necessary for enjoying bondage; a lot can be done with just cuffs and some creativity using your bed or a sturdy door. But they do allow more elaborate positions and ease of access (e.g., a cross allows a person's front or back to be fully exposed for flogging). Spreader bars fall in between toy and furniture: a bar (often metal) with attachment points at each end that holds limbs apart (e.g., ankle to ankle, or wrist to wrist) so the person cannot close them. Imagine your partner with ankles locked to a bar, their legs held open for you. That vulnerability is hot for many. Spreader bars are readily available and a fun step up from simple cuffs.

A question newcomers sometimes ask is: "Do I need all this fancy bondage equipment to do BDSM?" Absolutely not. As Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy have pointed out, not all BDSM requires elaborate props and role-play; they've had fabulous scenes just being themselves with minimal gear, proving that a strong connection can beat a trunk full of toys any day. Bondage, in its simplest form, could be you pinning your lover's wrists above their head with your hands, no ropes, no cuffs, just a firm grip and the words, "Don't move." The mind is the ultimate bondage device, really. If your partner is willing to surrender to the idea of restraint, even a light tie or the sound of you saying "You're mine now, I'm in control" can induce that thrilling sense of helplessness.

In choosing bondage toys, prioritize safety and quality. Cheap materials (poorly finished metal, weak plastic buckles) can break or cause injury. For example, flimsy metal handcuffs might have sharp edges that cut, or a bargain faux-leather cuff might have a D-ring that snaps under pressure. You don't need to spend a fortune, but do a bit of research or buy from reputable BDSM gear suppliers. Good leather cuffs or strong hemp rope will last for years and keep things safer. Always have a way to release your partner quickly -- quick-release clips, safety scissors for rope, whatever works. Nothing kills the mood like panicking because a knot stuck or a key went missing. Plan for undoing the bondage even as you're doing it.

Kinky Gadgets and Electronic BDSM Devices

Remote controlled vibrator for long-distance power exchange play

BDSM isn't all leather and rope; we also have our share of kinky gadgets and techy toys! Technology and kink mix pretty well these days, creating all sorts of devices for teasing, tormenting, and delighting. Here are some popular electronic options:

  • Electro-stimulation devices (e-stim): Electricity sounds scary, but controlled amounts create unique sensations. TENS units (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) or purpose-built erotic e-stim devices can deliver small electrical pulses to the body. Special sticky pads or conductive plugs attach to erogenous zones, and the current causes muscle tingles or contractions. The feeling can range from a gentle buzz to a cramping ache depending on settings, definitely a "spicy" kind of play. Some people achieve intense hands-free orgasms from e-stim on the right setting, while others enjoy it as a form of torment (e.g., shocking someone's butt or genitals lightly as punishment in a role-play).

  • Remote Control and App-Controlled Toys: Technology has given us the gift of controlling toys via smartphones or remotes, which is fabulous for power play. The classic example is a remote-controlled vibrator or butt plug. One partner wears the toy (internally or in their underwear against the clit, etc.) and the other has the remote or phone app that can trigger vibrations at the push of a button, from across the room or even across town, depending on the tech! This allows for devious games: maybe you take your partner out to dinner while they secretly wear a vibrating egg, and you flick it on while they're ordering dessert, forcing them to stifle a gasp.

  • Electronic Shock Collars: Borrowed from the realm of dog training, some kinky humans use remote shock collars on a willing partner (often part of pet-play roleplay, or just as a general "obedience" tool). They deliver a small shock or vibrating buzz with a remote button press. Quality and intensity? All over the place. Most have adjustable levels -- low might feel like a tingle, high like a painful jolt. This is obviously edgy play; it carries more risk (because the neck is a sensitive area) and psychological weight (it's pretty objectifying).

  • High-Tech Bondage and Miscellaneous Gadgets: There are creative inventors in the kink world always coming up with gadgets. For example, electronic winches for suspension (to lift/lower a bound person at the touch of a button), automatic fuck machines (devices with a thrusting dildo mechanism; some are small, some look like a literal pneumatic machine, delivering relentless thrusts at adjustable speeds), or vacuum beds (a latex enclosure connected to a vacuum that suctions all the air out, encasing a person in immobile latex sheath, extreme but some adore the full-body bondage feel). Some kink devices border on sci-fi: e.g., E-Stim's ElectroPebble or ET312b power boxes allow programming your own patterns of shocking pleasure; or the RealTouch device that synced with adult videos (now defunct, but it was a precursor to interactive teledildonics).

In using any gadget or electronic device, the guiding rule is safety and understanding the toy. Read instructions, follow manufacturer guidelines (especially for max duration of use, cleaning, etc.), and do a dry-run by yourself if possible. For instance, if you get a new app-controlled vibrator, try it out solo or on your arm to see how the app works and if there's any lag or connection issue... you don't want surprises in the moment aside from the sexy kind.

BDSM TOY GUIDE: HOW TO CHOOSE AND USE

Alright, you've seen a lot of kinky gear by now. How do you pick what's right for you? And once you have it, how do you actually use it well? This section distills some key principles for choosing and using BDSM toys wisely.

Best BDSM Products and Where to Buy Them

With such a vast landscape of toys out there, you might be wondering: Which specific products are worth trying, and where do I find them? "Best" depends on your tastes, but we can highlight some popular, well-loved products and reputable places to shop.

Bondage gear recommendations:

Padded leather cuffs for comfortable wrist restraints

  • Restraints: For beginners, the Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraint System is a perennial favorite. Straps go under your mattress, four adjustable tether cuffs pull your partner's limbs to the bed corners. Easy setup, no drilling required, fits most beds, soft velcro cuffs. If you want standalone cuffs, Sportsheets also makes solid beginner cuff sets, or check out Sinvention and Leather Etc for handcrafted leather cuffs that will last a lifetime. Leather cuffs can run $50-100 a pair, but they are worth it for serious enthusiasts. Eva's Trap on Etsy and RainbowRubberCuffs (if you like latex cuffs) are artisan options beloved in the community.

  • Blindfold: A simple satin blindfold can do the trick (Lovehoney’s basic blindfold is under $10 and comfortable). If you want zero peeking and a more secure fit, look for a padded leather blindfold that has a buckle strap, it blocks out light completely and doesn’t slip off. The Fifty Shades of Grey No Peeking Blindfold is a nice intermediate choice, combining satin and elastic with good coverage.

  • Collar & Leash: If you’re into pet play or D/s, a collar can be a meaningful purchase. Aslan Leather makes high-quality leather collars (and they offer vegan versions too). Their classic locking collar (comes with a little lock) is well-reviewed. Cost around $50-70. For a more budget option, many use a simple dog collar! (Just get a new one, don’t recycle from Fido, pet stores have a variety of spiked or pretty collars that work fine on humans, often under $20). Pair it with a lightweight chain leash (also found in pet stores or online kink shops). Ensure the collar isn’t too thin (which could cut in) -- 1.5 inches width is comfy for wear.

  • Rope: Twisted Monk is a famous source for bondage rope. They sell conditioned hemp or bamboo rope in sets, often dyed in beautiful colors, and include safety scissors. If you’re not ready to invest in fancy rope, you can start with cotton rope from a hardware or craft store, just make sure it’s not too thin (6mm or 1/4” is a good beginner diameter) and not made of poly blends that can burn skin if pulled fast. Nawashi on Etsy and Kinbaku Studios are other respected makers. A basic kit might be 4 lengths of 30’ rope and 2 lengths of 10-15’ (for smaller ties) -- enough to do a hip harness, chest harness, and some limb ties. Expect to spend maybe $50-100 on a good rope kit.

Impact Play Tools:

  • Flogger: For a first flogger, consider something like the KinkLab Suede Flogger (available at Stockroom) -- it's around $70, not too heavy, with soft suede tails that give a gentle thud/sting mix. Another great starter is a rubber flogger with thin strands called the "Martinet" style; KinkLab's Rubber Tickler is inexpensive and gives a surprising snap without serious pain. As you advance, you might invest in custom floggers from makers like DeTails Toys or SnakePit Leather who craft floggers in elk, cowhide, etc. A heavy leather flogger can cost $150+, but it’s a long-term investment for enthusiasts.

  • Paddle: The Tantus Plunge Paddle is an interesting one, it’s made of firm silicone and even has an insertable handle for dildo use (two-in-one!). Silicone paddles have a stingy impact and are easy to clean (even boilable). If you prefer classic wood, the Trustic Wood Paddle on Etsy sells handcrafted paddles with different woods/lengths. Or search for “Fraternity style paddle” if you want that shape. Fetish fantasies and other budget brands produce faux leather padded paddles that are gentler (some even have “Ouch” or heart cut-outs that leave patterns). Price range: $20 (basic) to $100 (artisan). For something offbeat, a sturdy silicone spatula from the kitchen aisle can actually be a fantastic spanking paddle, no joke!

  • Crop: Riding crops are easy to find. Kirschner’s or tack shops (for horse riding) sell real crops that are great quality for $15-30. Or pick up a crop from any adult store, just check it’s not too flimsy. One with a leather tip ~2 inches wide is ideal for a nice whap. Fifty Shades of Grey Official Collection had a decent beginner crop if themed appeals to you. Crops give a satisfying sound and sharp feel, highly recommended as a first impact tool.

  • Canes: If you’re at cane level, consider rattan canes from a kink supplier (they smooth and treat the wood to prevent splinters). TheEnglishmansCane site and Canes4Pain specialize in them. Fiberglass or Delrin canes are another option, they’re basically indestructible and very stingy (e.g. the Devil’s Tongue Delrin Cane on ExtremeRestraints). Canes are typically $20-40 each. Always inspect for cracks in wooden canes after use (if they start splitting, retire them or sand them down).

Sensation and Other Toys:

  • Nipple Clamps: The Tweezer-style adjustable clamps are great for beginners, you can tighten them just so much. These often have little rubber tip covers for comfort. They're cheap (~$10-15). For more bite, the Clover (Japanese clover) clamps are famous, they actually pinch harder if you pull on them, favored by experienced pain-lovers. Some sets come with chains connecting them (added weight). Spartacus and Nippleicious are brands to look for. Suction-based toys: nipple suckers or cups (like a small cupping therapy cup) can create a different kind of sensation, a pulling engorgement rather than pinching. Affordable and a fun change.

  • Vibrators: The Hitachi Magic Wand (Original Magic Wand) is legendary - a plug-in vibrator that packs serious power. People use it in forced orgasm scenes because it's strong enough to overwhelm anyone. Cordless versions exist now too. For couples play, We-Vibe Sync (a couples vibrator worn during intercourse) or any of the bullet vibes from Lovense that are app-controlled can integrate well in D/s play where the Dom controls the vibe. If you want to incorporate anal play, the Njoy Pure Plug (stainless steel anal plug) is a top-quality choice that has a handy base for rocking; or a simple trainer kit of silicone plugs in various sizes (to gradually open up for bigger insertions or just to wear during other play). Chastity cages: a popular one is the CB-6000 (a classic polycarbonate cage for penises) or for more comfortable long-term wear, the Holy Trainer v4 (resin material, ergonomic). Buy these from known fetish retailers or directly from makers to avoid cheap knock-offs that might have rough edges.

  • Electro-stim: The ElectroStim Flick kit or the Zeus Electrosex Deluxe kit are decent starting estim sets under $150 that include a power unit and attachments. Violet wands can be found via kink distributors; a reputable one is the KinkLab Neon Wand kit, it’s around $150 and includes several glass attachments. Not the most powerful wand on the market, but plenty for most users and UL-tested for safety. Ensure you get one from a legitimate source with good reviews (there are ultra-cheap violet wand knockoffs that can be fire hazards).

Now, where to buy: The best approach is to purchase from specialty BDSM or sex toy retailers that have a reputation for quality. Online, some big names include:

  • Lovehoney -- UK-based but ships internationally. They have everything from beginner kits to luxury toys, with body-safe standards. They're mainstream-friendly, often running sales, and have discreet shipping. Lovehoney even has themed kits (like official Fifty Shades collection) which can be a fun all-in-one starter bundle.

  • The Stockroom (stockroom.com) -- A well-known US fetish retailer. They carry mid to high-end gear, including their own KinkLab line for affordable basics and premium items like leather garments, bondage furniture, etc.

  • Extreme Restraints -- As the name implies, they cater to more extreme gear, but also have beginner stuff. You’ll find unique items here and heavy-duty toys.

  • Etsy -- Surprisingly, Etsy is a great place for BDSM gear if you search for terms like "leather cuffs", "handmade paddle", "shibari rope". You're buying directly from craftspeople. Check reviews and descriptions to make sure it's functional, not just decorative. Some well-liked Etsy shops: PleasureParadox (colorful impact toys), DesertFetishist (leatherwork), KnottyBoutique (decorative rope).

  • Local sex shops or dungeons -- If you're in a city, there might be a physical store where you can see and feel toys before buying. Stores like Babeland, Good Vibrations, The Pleasure Chest, and fetish boutiques often have knowledgeable staff. Supporting them helps build community and you get better advice. At BDSM conventions or fetish markets, you can often buy directly from artisans and test things out (with a flogger, vendors often let you feel the weight, or even try a strike on your arm).

  • Fetlife and Forums -- Not to buy directly, but to get recommendations for vendors. For instance, kink communities might say “Avoid X brand, it falls apart, go for Y brand.” Some people also sell second-hand gear in good condition (excluding insertables, generally, for hygiene reasons) on forums or Fetlife classifieds, e.g., a barely used leather harness that didn’t fit them. Just exercise caution and sanitize anything pre-owned.

A quick tip on budget shopping: If you’re on a budget, prioritize safety when cutting costs. It might be okay to get a bargain blindfold or generic rope from Home Depot, but don’t skimp on things like suspension hardware (get load-rated carabiners, etc.) or insertable materials (glass is cheap and safe if you want economical dildos, tempered borosilicate glass can be found in pretty shapes for under $30 by brands like Crystal Delights). And absolutely avoid “mystery metal” anal hooks or gags from dubious sellers, quality metal costs, so if it’s too cheap, it could be chromed pot metal that flakes or rusts.

Finally, remember that the best BDSM product is the one that makes you and your partner light up with excitement and can be used safely. Might be fancy custom gear, might be homemade stuff from your closet. Build a collection that suits your dynamic. Over time you'll refine your tastes. Maybe you'll end up with a dedicated "toy chest" or maybe just a secret drawer under the bed. Either way, each item should have meaning - "this is the crop that makes my heart race" or "this is the collar we got when we decided to explore D/s seriously." These toys can become genuinely cherished tools for connection.

If you're unsure where to go next, education is always available. Countless blogs (like this one!), fetlife discussions, even YouTube channels (given age restrictions) offer reviews and demonstrations. Tristan Taormino famously said kinky folks are geeks and intellectuals about sex, attending classes and sharing knowledge. So tap into that wealth. Do your research and you'll get years of satisfaction from your purchases.

SM Sex Toys: Choosing the right materials

Materials and Hygiene:** Different materials require different care. Here’s a quick rundown:

  • Metal: Stainless steel and aluminum alloys (as used in high-end toys) are generally body-safe, non-porous, and easy to sanitize. Clean with soap and water, alcohol, or even boil them if there's no electronics. Metal conducts temperature, so you can heat or cool them for sensation play - but don't go extreme. Flash-cooling a metal plug in the freezer could cause mild frostbite internally. Stick to cool, not ice-cold; warm, not boiling-hot. If metal toys have removable parts (like a screw on a collar), dry them thoroughly to prevent rust. Lower-grade metal (mystery metal in cheap cuffs or chains) might nickel-plated, watch out for nickel allergies in partners. If a piece of metal gear starts chipping its plating or rusting, retire or replace it.

  • Leather: Leather is porous (made of animal hide), meaning it can absorb sweat, saliva, even blood if present. You cannot fully sterilize leather without damaging it. So, for personal use, this is fine, just keep it clean, but you wouldn't want to share a leather gag with someone outside your fluid-bound relationships, for instance. Basic cleaning: wipe leather toys (cuffs, flogger falls, collars) with a slightly damp cloth to remove grime. Use saddlesoap or specialized leather cleaner now and then. Condition with leather conditioner to keep it supple. Avoid soaking leather or using harsh disinfectants, they remove the natural oils and can make it brittle. If you get leather truly soaked (say a flogger falls into a lubey puddle or something), gently wipe and let it air dry slowly; it may still lose some texture. Suede (the fuzzy underside of leather) is even trickier, you can brush suede but water will stain it. If hygiene is a big concern (say you draw a bit of blood while flogging), some floggers have replaceable falls or you might consider using only rubber or silicone impact toys in scenes where fluids are possible. Leather straps or spreader bar cuffs that contact bare skin, just clean them as best you can, and understand there is some bio residue that just stays. Many in the community designate certain items as "one-person only" for this reason.

  • Silicone and Other Body-Safe Plastics: Pure silicone is a fantastic material for insertable toys (dildos, butt plugs, vibrator exteriors) and some sensation toys (there are silicone paddles and floggers). It’s non-porous, can be fully sanitized (boil for 10 minutes, or top rack of dishwasher no detergent, or bleach solution 1:10). Just note: silicone can have a unique property, if stored touching another silicone toy, sometimes they chemically react and melt each other. So keep them separate. Also, silicone lube can degrade silicone toys, best to use water-based lube with silicone toys, or patch-test a bit of the lube on a hidden area of the toy if you really want to use silicone lube (some high-grade silicone toys resist it, but many get a tacky surface). ABS Plastic (hard plastic) is non-porous too and easy to clean with soap and water or alcohol wipes. Just don’t boil plastic vibrators with motors inside (you’ll ruin the electronics).

  • Glass and Ceramic: These are also non-porous and body-safe (assuming they are borosilicate or tempered glass, like Pyrex, which most reputable brands use). Glass dildos and wands can be very pleasurable, they are super smooth and firm. They can be warmed or cooled too. Clean by any means (just be careful handling wet glass, slippery!). Inspect glass toys occasionally for chips or cracks, if you see any, discontinue use, as a cracked glass toy could have sharp edges. Ceramic toys (like the brand Laid used to make) are similar but more fragile, treat them gently.

  • Rubber, PVC, "Jelly" toys: These are porous materials, often with plasticizers that can leach. They might have a strong smell. We generally caution against using these for penetrative or long-duration contact if possible. If you do (say you have a PVC dildo you really like), use a condom over it to reduce direct contact and note it cannot be sterilized, so it should be only your toy (no sharing between partners without a condom swap, and ideally not between orifices either unless condom-covered). Same goes for TPR/TPE (Thermoplastic Rubber/Elastomer) -- some are phthalate-free and labeled body-safe, but they are still porous. Clean with mild soap and water, but bacteria may remain microscopically. Let it dry completely to avoid mold. These materials can "sweat" oil over time or get sticky - dusting with a little cornstarch keeps them supple (especially for things like stretchy TPR masturbator sleeves).

  • Latex (Natural Rubber): Latex clothing, hoods, etc., are popular in BDSM aesthetics. Also latex condoms or gloves might be used. Be aware of latex allergies -- some people have serious reactions. If either of you is allergic or unsure, opt for nitrile gloves or brand-new non-latex items. Latex garments need special care: usually washed in warm water and polished with silicone latex shiner to keep them from cracking. They also tear easily on sharp objects (long nails, rings, caution!). For safety, latex masks or hoods that cover the face should have ventilation holes; never leave someone unattended in heavy latex that could impair breathing.

  • Electronics Safety: We mentioned it before, but to reiterate: with electrical toys, use as directed and in appropriate areas. Never attach electrodes across the chest or brain. If someone has a pacemaker or epilepsy, avoid electroplay altogether unless cleared by a doctor, the risk isn't worth it. Don't use electronic toys in water unless specifically waterproof rated (e.g., do not bring the neon wand into the bathtub, water + electricity = bad). Check cords for fraying. Replace batteries when needed so you don't get battery acid leaks.

  • Fire and Wax Safety: If doing fire play (e.g., flash cotton or fire floggers) or even just dripping candles, have a fire extinguisher or at least a wet towel handy. Only use safety-approved fuels for fire play - many use isopropyl alcohol in small amounts. For wax, only use low-temp candles designed for skin, or regular unscented paraffin pillars. Scented ones burn hotter because of oils. Test distance - the closer the candle, the hotter the wax hits.

BDSM toys and devices open up a whole world of pleasure and connection. Understand what each toy does, pick quality materials, follow safety principles - and you'll have kink experiences that are hot in the moment and positive afterward.

Happy (and safe) playing! Hope your journey with BDSM toys brings you thrills and fulfillment from exploring desires together. When in doubt, remember we're all just "sex nerds" researching and experimenting -- so keep learning and enjoy the ride.