•BeMoreKinky Team

Therapy for Open Relationships: When to Seek Help

A couple sitting close together with heads leaning toward each other in intimate conversation

When to consider couples therapy for open relationships

Want to explore open relationships with better communication tools? The BeMoreKinky app includes over 9 romance activities focused on sharing fantasies and listening exercises, helping couples build the communication foundation essential for healthy non-monogamy.

Here are scenarios where seeking open relationship-friendly therapy might be beneficial:

  • Before or During the Opening Process: If you and your partner are struggling to get on the same page about opening up, a therapist experienced in non-traditional relationships can facilitate those tough conversations. Some couples choose to do a few therapy sessions before they open up, almost like premarital counseling but for non-monogamy.

  • Persistent Jealousy or Emotional Pain: If one or both of you finds that jealousy (or any difficult emotion) is overwhelming despite your best efforts, a therapist can offer strategies and perspective. Managing jealousy in an open relationship sometimes requires unlearning ingrained beliefs about love and worth, and a professional can guide that process.

A couple having a difficult conversation with one gesturing while speaking

  • Communication Breakdowns: Or important topics are being avoided and creating distance. A therapist can teach you better communication habits, maybe using active listening, or "I" statements, or scheduled check-ins, and referee the conversations that seem to escalate out of control. Sometimes having a neutral party rephrase what you're each saying helps the other actually hear it. For example, a therapist might intervene: "What I'm hearing John say is that when you spend the night out without texting, he feels anxious and forgotten, not that he wants to control you." That reframing can cut through defensive postures and allow empathy to come back.

  • Boundary Violations or Trust Issues: If there has been a breach of trust, say someone broke a rule or lied about something big, it can really help to process that in therapy.

  • One Partner Struggling Disproportionately: You might find that one of you is sailing along enjoying the open life, and the other is quietly (or loudly) suffering. The therapist's office becomes a laboratory to decide together what to do; maybe renegotiating terms or even deciding to close the relationship if that's the healthiest choice. Remember, ending or adjusting the open agreement is not a "failure" if it's done to preserve the well-being of the people involved.

A man and woman sitting together at a table working on plans

  • Poly-Specific Challenges: If your open relationship has turned into full polyamory, there can be extra complications; managing triads or quads, dealing with metamour conflicts, balancing time. There's therapists who specialize in polyamorous family dynamics and they can help work out solutions that consider everyone involved.

When looking for a therapist, find one who won't judge you for being non-monogamous. You can even directly ask, "Have you worked with clients in open or poly relationships before?" Many regions have therapist directories through organizations such as the Polyamory Friendly Professionals directory or the Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) list by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. These resources list therapists who explicitly welcome clients in alternative relationship structures. Working with someone who "gets it" will ensure therapy is helpful and not inadvertently shaming.

Remember that going to therapy isn't waving a white flag; it's getting backup. Just like you'd see a doctor for persistent physical symptoms, a relationship doctor (therapist) is there for persistent emotional/relational symptoms.

A couple wrapped in a blanket sitting close together on a couch

Finally, even if your partner isn't open to counseling but you feel you need support, consider seeing a therapist on your own (again, one knowledgeable about ENM).

After all, even elite athletes have coaches; think of therapy as coaching for your love life. With or without therapy, you'll also want to keep educating and connecting with broader resources as you continue this journey, which leads us to our final section: helpful resources and suggested next steps.