How to dominate your partner with CBT
One of the most fascinating aspects of CBT is how it plays into Dominant-submissive (D/s) dynamics. By its very nature, cock and ball torture is a form of power exchange: one person is giving the sensation (the tormentor, often the Dom), and the other is receiving it (the tormented, often the sub). In a CBT scene, the power imbalance is front and center, and that's exactly the point. BDSM practitioners often describe these scenes as a sort of erotic dance. In the case of CBT, it's a dance that can be "dangerously exciting and beautifully intense," as one writer eloquently put it. The Dominant partner holds not just the metaphorical reins, but sometimes literally holds the submissive's manhood in their hand; a potent symbol of control. This dynamic can heighten arousal for both: the Dom feels powerful, in charge, trusted; the sub feels owned, conquered, and yet cared for in that paradoxical BDSM way. It's often said that with great power comes great responsibility, and that's absolutely true in a D/s context. A Dom engaging in CBT has the responsibility to look after their sub's body and psyche, even as they might be saying with a devious grin, "I'm going to destroy you." The words and the role may be cruel, but underneath is a current of love, respect... or at least deep mutual understanding.
Want to explore power dynamics beyond CBT? The BeMoreKinky app offers over 850 dom-sub activities including soft domination techniques (30+ activities), position and display commands (6+ activities), discipline protocols (12+ activities), and praise phrases (37+ activities) to deepen your D/s connection through varied power exchange experiences.
Talking about what roles you want to play matters a lot when you're setting up the dynamic. Some people like to stay in their everyday personalities ("just plain old Janet and Dossie," as BDSM authors Easton and Hardy joke, meaning they don't always need elaborate roles) during play, while others love to adopt roles. CBT scenes lend themselves to many role-play scenarios. For instance, an “interrogation scene” is a classic: the Dom acts as an interrogator or captor, and the sub is the prisoner who “won’t talk.” The Dom might threaten or administer CBT as a means of “torture” to get information (all play-acted, of course). You can imagine the dialogue: "Talk, or I'll shock your balls again!" -- "Never! … Aaaaah!" followed by some deliciously wicked laughter from the Dom. Another scenario might be a medical play scene: the Dom is a stern doctor or sadistic nurse conducting a "medical exam" on the patient's genitals, maybe clamping things in the name of science, giving injections (or just needle play), or testing the reflexes with a sharp smack. For those into a more humiliation vibe, there’s the classic dominatrix and slave scenario: the sub might be ordered to kneel, legs apart, while the leather-clad Domme nonchalantly kicks him in the balls whenever he gives a “wrong” answer or just to show him who’s in charge. She might coo, “Aww, does it hurt? Too bad,” mixing mock sympathy with teasing cruelty. The sub, in turn, basks in this attention and the feeling of being utterly dominated. They might respond with "Thank you, Mistress" after each blow, reinforcing their submissive role.
Worth mentioning... CBT isn't just a male-sub/female-Dom thing. While yeah, the common image is a dude getting tortured by a woman (porn and femdom media love that angle), reality is any gender can dominate or submit in CBT play. There are male dominants who perform CBT on male subs (common in gay BDSM scenes), female dominants on male subs (the stereotypical femdom case), and even female subs who enjoy a strap-on or other apparatus tormenting a male dominant’s genitals in a role reversal (imagine a sub tying up her male dom and tormenting him, which flips the usual script!). Also, trans and nonbinary folks might engage in analogous genital torture specific to their bodies or include CBT as part of a scene irrespective of gender labels. So, the dynamic can be as heteronormative or as queer as the participants make it; BDSM is wonderfully inclusive that way. What matters in any dom-sub combo is that the dominant has the confidence and empathy to lead the scene, and the submissive has the trust and desire to follow (or endure). In a well-tuned D/s pair, CBT can actually strengthen their bond. The sub comes to learn that their Dom will push them, will inflict pain, but also is attentive and will stop when needed. That builds trust like nothing else. The Dom learns that the sub's submission is sincere; they really will take some pain, perhaps a lot of pain, as an expression of devotion or to please the Dom. It can be a heady feeling on both sides: “Wow, look what we accomplished together. I took everything they gave,” thinks the sub with pride, while the Dom thinks, “They trusted me with their everything, and I guided them through this intense journey.” In a sense, both are serving each other; the Dom serves the sub's masochistic or emotional needs, the sub serves the Dom's sadistic or control desires.
From the Dominant's perspective, CBT can be quite empowering. One kink guide notes that many tops relish it as "the ultimate form of control, a deep connection to their partner's most intimate and vulnerable parts". To hold someone's genitals, the very core of their sexuality, and be entrusted to play with pain and pleasure there is a huge honor, when you think about it. Some Doms describe a sort of sympathetic sensation; they can feel their partner's reactions almost in their own body, and it turns them on. Others enjoy the visual of it: the way a penis might twitch or shrink from pain, the marks left on the skin, the tears in the sub's eyes. And yes, let’s be honest, some dominants just love the psychological rush of having someone “under their thumb” literally and figuratively. It can cater to consensual cruelty and a caregiver instinct at the same time. One moment a Dom is inflicting pain, the next they might be soothing their sub, petting their head, saying, “You took that so well for me.” It’s a roller coaster for the Dom too! Dominants also have to manage their own emotions: it can be intense to make someone you care about scream or cry, even if you know they wanted it. A lot of Doms debrief afterward; they might ask, "Are you okay? We're good?", seeking that reassurance that the sub isn't secretly upset with them. In healthy dynamics, the sub usually is eager to reassure, “I loved it, thank you Sir/Ma’am,” which floods the Dom with relief and pride. In essence, CBT play in a D/s dynamic is a powerful form of communication. It’s the couple’s private language of trust. Instead of words, you have actions (a slap, a moan, a squeeze, an arching of the back) that all say: “I give myself to you… I receive you… we’re in this intense moment together.” Done consensually, it can strengthen both the relationship and the individuals’ understanding of themselves.
However, it's also normal that dom-sub dynamics around CBT require extra negotiation and care, since the stakes feel high. A submissive might worry, "What if I can't take as much pain as my Dom wants... will they be disappointed?" A Dominant might worry, "What if I truly hurt them by accident... will they ever forgive me?" This is why open communication (ideally before and after the scene) is so important. Many D/s pairs set specific rules or signals for CBT. For instance, because a male sub might reflexively put his hands in front of his groin if kicked too hard (even if in his mind he wants to continue), some couples agree that's an automatic "yellow", meaning dial it back. They might incorporate that into the roleplay: "Did you just cover yourself? Hands back on your head... do it, or we stop right now," says the Dom. The sub obeys, knowing that was a nonverbal check-in that they need to either will themselves to keep position or use the safeword if it was truly too much. Some dominants will tie the sub's hands to make sure there's no blocking, but then they must be extra watchful for the safeword or safe signal. There are also psychological limits: maybe the sub is okay with pain but not with humiliation. Or vice versa; maybe being called dirty names is fine but they don't want a full-force punch. Talk through all these nuances before you start. A dominatrix might ask stuff like, "you into being verbally degraded with the pain, or want more of a sensual vibe?" Those answers are gonna shape how the whole scene goes (nurturing vs. strict vs. outright sadistic).
In summary, CBT within a D/s dynamic can be as richly layered as any other intimate activity. It’s not just the physical act of testicles getting hit or tied; it’s also what those acts mean to the people doing them. For some it’s ultimate submission (“I submit my manhood to you completely”). For others it’s playful power (“Hehe, I’ve got you by the balls, literally!” said in a loving teasing way). For many it’s both: a mix of seriousness and play. The beautiful thing about kink is that you get to write your own script. As long as it's consensual, you can be the cruel mistress, the demanding master, the eager pain-slut sub, the brave stoic sub; whatever archetype lights your fire. CBT gives a very visceral backdrop to enact those fantasies. And when both partners click in their roles, the synergy is electric. The Dominant feels like a god or goddess, the submissive feels like putty in their hands (or maybe literally chained at their feet), and together they ride the waves of intensity. It's a unique form of intimacy... certainly not your average candlelight vanilla encounter!... but for those who resonate with it, it can be profoundly fulfilling. As one might say, the couple that plays together, stays together, and perhaps the couple that busts balls together… bonds together. 😉