Types of Submissives: Guide to Different Sub Styles
Not all submissives are alike. In fact, there's no single way to be a "sub." BDSM educators and therapists agree that submissive personalities come in many forms, each with its own motivations and joys. As one blogger notes, these categories aren't definitive or exclusive, being a submissive "is not about fitting into a certain role but submitting in a way that feels unique to you". You may even find you resonate with multiple sub types or evolve from one to another over time.
What all submissive styles share is the foundational BDSM principle of consensual power exchange. A submissive gives certain powers or control to a Dominant partner by choice, and that choice is powerful. It takes trust and courage to hand over the reins. As kink experts like Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy emphasize, a good D/s dynamic involves "civilized agreements and primitive urges"... a dance of trust where both sides feel empowered and connected. Indeed, even though from the outside it may look like the Dom is "in charge" and the sub "obedient," the truth is submissives hold tremendous power in a scene: they set the boundaries of consent and their surrender is the gift that makes the exchange possible. In Esther Perel’s signature conversational style, we might say submission is an intimate offer of one’s self, and each submissive archetype offers a different way to make that offer.
Before we dive in, remember that these labels are useful descriptors, not strict boxes. They often overlap. A person can be a masochist and a service sub, or a bratty rope bunny who loves both mischief and intricate bondage. Also, taboo and imagination play a role in many of these styles. As sex therapist Jack Morin observed, we often eroticize what is forbidden or out-of-reach. In other words, the things we "aren't supposed to want" can turn us on the most. So if you find yourself excited by a certain dynamic, whether it's being "forced" to obey or pretending to be a pet, know that you're tapping into a very human form of erotic creativity. With that in mind, let’s explore the colorful cast of submissive types in BDSM.
The Service Submissive: Dedication Through Acts
Some submissives show their devotion not through words like "Yes, Sir/Ma'am," but through actions. The service submissive finds deep satisfaction in doing things for their Dominant. Picture a service sub named Alex: every morning they rise early to brew Master's coffee just right, lay out His clothes, and perhaps kneel quietly, glowing with pride when a simple "Good job, pet" rewards their efforts. For a service sub, these humble acts are their love language; each chore or task is an act of worship.
A service submissive often embodies the motto, "To serve is to love." Their gratification comes from anticipating their partner's needs, easing their Dominant's life, and being an indispensable helper or "right hand." This can take many forms: domestic service (cooking, cleaning, butlering), personal care (massages, drawing baths), or administrative support (managing a calendar, writing thank-you notes). In a D/s context, such tasks aren't mundane obligations; they're eroticized rituals of care. One BDSM educator describes it beautifully: the service sub's joy is to "make everyday tasks special," finding "satisfaction for a job well done" in pleasing their Dominant. Many service subs report feelings of emotional fulfillment and arousal simply from the act of giving and being useful.
It’s not uncommon for service-oriented subs to say things like, “I feel most connected to my Dom when I’m taking care of them.” BDSM writer Mollena Williams-Haas (herself a self-identified slave and submissive) has often spoken about service as a source of pride and belonging for a sub, a way to contribute meaningfully to their Dominant’s happiness. This style of submission hinges on attentiveness: the best service subs seem almost psychic, noticing that Sir’s glass is low and refilling it before he asks, or remembering Mistress’s travel preferences in perfect detail.
While service subs typically thrive on obedience and task competence, their submission is far from passive. It takes initiative, learning, and even creativity to serve well. As one set of service submission guidelines notes, offering service with a "good heart and sincerity" and developing real skills (from cooking to bootblacking) are key. The result, when it works, is a beautiful symbiosis: the Dominant is cared for like royalty, and the submissive feels like the devoted knight or handmaiden, deriving purpose from that dedication.
The Bratty Submissive: Playful Resistance and Fun
Not all subs say "How high?" when told to jump, at least, not without a little mischief. Enter the bratty submissive, the sub who challenges their Dominant as much as they obey. Brats add a splash of playfulness and defiance into the power exchange. Imagine a scene: Jade, a bratty sub, has been ordered to stay off her phone. Moments later, she’s texting under the table with a sly grin. When her Dom catches her, Jade gives an exaggerated “Oops!” and a wink, fully expecting to be punished for it. In fact, that’s the whole point.
A brat's motto might be, "Make me." This submissive archetype thrives on the game of push-and-pull: they provoke, tease, and test their Dominant's authority, begging for a firm response, but within a consensual framework. As one BDSM venue cheekily defines it, "a brat is a submissive who thrives on challenge and playful defiance. They push buttons, test limits, and practically beg to be put back in their place". The brat's disobedience isn't true rebellion or disrespect; it's more like a cat-and-mouse flirtation. They want to feel their Dominant's power in earnest, to earn that corrective growl, that stern command to behave, or perhaps an over-the-knee spanking after one smart-ass remark too many. In the brat's eyes, attention = affection, even if it's elicited by a bratty stunt.
What does a bratty sub get out of this behavior? For many, it's the thrill of being conquered. The brat wants to fight and struggle, to say "you can't catch me!" until, delightfully, they are caught and overpowered. "At the end of the day, a brat wants to lose the fight… but only after making you work for it," writes one kink author. Bratting can amp up sexual tension: every playful act of defiance is basically the sub daring the Dom to show their mettle. It’s a way of screaming “I want you in control” without ever breaking role. Also, some brats simply find rule-breaking fun ... it injects humor and lightheartedness into D/s. They may giggle through a mock “struggle” session on the bed, both partners laughing as the Dom finally pins their wriggling brat down.
Communication and limits are crucial in brat dynamics. Good Dominants understand the brat's "button-pushing" is an invitation, not genuine disobedience. And good brats know not to actually violate important boundaries or disrespect a Dom's core rules. As BDSM commentators note, a true brat teases and challenges within the rules, a sub who refuses to listen to negotiated limits isn't a brat, they're just being a jerk. Many couples even establish a special safeword or cue for bratting, so the Dom knows the resistance is play. When done right, brat play can be incredibly satisfying on both sides: the sub gets their dose of attention and the intoxicating feeling of being tamed, and the Dominant gets the thrill of chasing and "domming" a naughty sub into submission. (There's even a nickname for Doms who enjoy this dance, the "brat tamer.")
In essence, the bratty submissive archetype is all about making power exchange fun. It's coquettish, energetic, and yes, can be erotic as hell. Just ask any Dom who's seen that glint in their brat's eye, the "What are you gonna do about it?" look, and felt their own pulse quicken. Brats keep you on your toes, but reward you with an especially sweet surrender once you’ve lovingly “forced” it from them. As BDSM educator Midori might quip, the brat’s world is a stage, and they’re daring their Dom to step up and play the part of the strict yet loving captor. Challenge accepted!
The Rope Bunny: Bondage-Focused Submission
For some submissives, the ultimate bliss is found in ropes, knots, and suspension rigs. These are the rope bunnies, subs who adore bondage, particularly rope bondage, as their primary kink. Imagine a rope bunny named Sam: as their partner (often called a rigger) slowly wraps rope around Sam's torso, Sam slips into a serene trance. The rope's fibers brushing skin, the snug pressure as each knot tightens, the artistry of intricate patterns on the body... this is Sam's happy place.
The allure here isn't just getting tied up. It's about savoring rope itself, the look of shibari patterns across skin, the feel of each fiber. One description notes that rope bunnies find "pleasure and fulfillment in the artistry and intricacy of rope bondage," focusing on the aesthetic and tactile experience of being bound. The rope kind of becomes an extension of the rigger's hands, each wrap and knot like a command the body follows. Lots of rope folks talk about getting into this meditative headspace where the world shrinks down to just rope on skin and that feeling of trust as you hand over control.
Midori, a renowned BDSM educator and rope expert, famously said, "Bondage is a pleasure of the mind just as much as it is of the flesh." Rope bunnies embody this idea. Yes, they relish the physical feelings, the tightness, the slight pain or discomfort as limbs are held in place, the release of endorphins as circulation ebbs and flows, but they also revel in the mental journey rope takes them on. There is a rhythm and ritual to rope scenes: the whispering slide of hemp through hands, the creak of tension as a knot secures, the occasional gentle check-in ("You okay?" -- "Yes, Sir."). A rope bunny often blooms under this focused attention. They might feel beautiful in their bindings, like a work of art on display, or feel proud at enduring a challenging tie. Some experienced rope bottoms even pursue gravity-defying suspension bondage, floating in mid-air wrapped in rope... the ultimate trust fall.
Common traits of rope bunnies include patience, calm, and a bit of a "sensation junkie" streak. They "revel in the sensations that come with being restrained, the pressure, tension, and even discomfort contribute to a unique, immersive experience". Unlike a general submissive who might crave active domination or verbal orders, a rope bunny’s submission is often more still and introspective. Their subspace (that blissed-out headspace submissives often enter) might feel like a deep floaty calm, achieved through the constraint of rope. The interplay of pain and pleasure can be subtle here: a rope harness might ache after a while, but with endorphins kicking in, that ache transforms into warm pleasure.
Many rope bunnies are also drawn to the community and skill around rope bondage. They attend rope classes, admire skilled riggers, and may treat the rope tying itself as a sort of co-created art project. It’s not unusual for bottom and top to excitedly discuss a new harness configuration or to deconstruct a challenging tie afterwards like athletes reviewing a game.
In short, the rope bunny's heart beats faster at the sight of coils of rope neatly laid out, a promise of the intimate journey to come. In their submission, they aren't just "being tied up"; they're connecting, to their partner and to themselves. Wrapped in those ropes, a rope bunny can feel held, seen, and utterly free, free to fly in the imagination even while physically bound. The paradox is part of the thrill, and it’s why rope bunnies proudly wear their marks (the intricate red imprints of rope on skin) like badges of honor after a scene.
The Little: Age Play and Caregiver Dynamics
In the realm of BDSM, not all roleplays involve leather or leashes; some involve stuffed animals, coloring books, and bedtime stories. The "little" is a submissive who engages in age play, adopting a childlike persona and surrendering to a caregiving Dominant (often called a Daddy, Mommy, or Caregiver). Imagine a little named Bella: after a long day of adult stress, she slips into her fuzzy pajamas, grabs her teddy bear, and greets her partner with wide-eyed excitement. In little space, Bella might speak in a higher pitch, refer to herself in third person, color with crayons, or excitedly ask, "Daddy, can we watch cartoons?" Her Daddy Dom smiles warmly, scoops her into his lap, and says, "Of course, princess." In that moment, Bella isn't 30 years old with a mortgage; she's a carefree, protected child, and the outside world simply melts away.
The little archetype is characterized by this regression to a younger mindset. The age could be figurative; some littles act like playful schoolkids or teenagers, others like toddlers or babies. What they have in common is the craving for care, guidance, and structure from their Dominant in a parental or guardian role. For lots of folks it's deeply therapeutic and comforting, honestly. "You get a chance to become a totally different age, play out a fantasy, and forget all of your real-life troubles for a while," explains kink educator Julieta Chiaramonte. Age play offers escapism from everyday life, a chance to shed the heavy responsibilities of adulthood and revel in simpler, childhood pleasures. Coloring books, Disney movies, giggle-filled games, being doted on with nicknames like "good girl/boy"... for a little, these experiences can be deeply fulfilling and even healing.
There is also an element of taboo that can make age play erotically charged for some (when it is erotic; note that not all littles engage in sexual activity, some dynamics are entirely non-sexual and focus purely on nurturance). "In the most basic sense, age play can be a bit of a taboo, and I think that's what garners excitement for most," says Chiaramonte. "We get turned on by things we aren't 'supposed' to want. That's just how the human mind works." For those who do sexualize their little role, the forbidden aspect of an "innocent" being sexual can heighten the thrill, provided both partners are enthusiastically consensual adults, of course. It must be emphasized: age play is always between consenting adults. Littles might act like minors, but they are not actually children and real children are never involved. It’s a form of consensual roleplay and power exchange, with rules and aftercare just like any BDSM scene.
Within a little/Caregiver dynamic, structure and affection reign supreme. The Dominant takes on a loving authoritative role: they might enforce bedtime, give praise or scoldings, set fun tasks ("Let's bake cookies!") or rules ("No sweets before dinner, silly bunny"). They are at once disciplinarian and protector. A little, in turn, basks in that attention. They often enjoy "feeling nurtured and momentarily forgetting the stress of adult life in order to enjoy simple, childlike pleasures". Many littles talk about the relief of being able to let go of their adult persona: no need to be in charge or even to hold in complicated emotions. If a little feels like crying, they are allowed to cry and be comforted. If they feel playful, they can be silly without judgment. For those who perhaps had to grow up too fast or who carry scars from childhood, a caring Daddy/Mommy Dom can offer a kind of re-parenting experience, in scene, the little is cherished and safe in all the ways they might have needed when truly young.
On the flip side, some littles enjoy brattiness and discipline as part of their age play. Think "naughty schoolboy" scenarios or the bratty little who refuses bedtime and gets scolded or spanked. In fact, a Caregiver/brat dynamic is a recognized subset; the little misbehaves and the Caregiver lovingly corrects them. For those who eroticize the punishment aspect, being scolded as a "bad girl" or made to write lines can be intensely arousing, because it's mixing taboo, power, and attention in a potent brew.
The Slave: Total Power Exchange Dynamics
At the furthest end of the power exchange spectrum lies the slave, a submissive who engages in Total Power Exchange (TPE) with their Dominant (often called Master or Mistress). The term "slave" in BDSM is somewhat controversial and heavily laden; it does not mean non-consensual servitude, but rather a consensual arrangement where the sub has agreed to give complete or near-complete control to their partner in agreed-upon areas of life. If a service submissive is like an employee or assistant who can negotiate tasks, a slave is more like a devotee who lives by their Owner’s rules around the clock.
A slave might wear a permanent collar as a symbol of ownership. They might have protocols for how to speak, dress, or even when to eat or use furniture. Consider a slave named Daniel whose Mistress has said he must always kneel and ask permission to enter a room when she's there. Their relationship probably has some detailed contract or understanding laid out: Daniel's willingly handed over decision-making in most of his daily life, what he wears, how he talks to her, maybe even how he manages finances or his schedule. In return, Mistress takes on responsibility for Daniel's well-being and commits to always acting in his (and their relationship's) best interest. That intense level of trust and commitment is what defines the Master/slave dynamic. As one guide explains, a TPE relationship often "includes a contract defining what parts of a submissive's life are under the control of their partner and what freedoms they require". It’s a deliberate, consensual structure, sometimes even formalized in writing like a contract or ceremony, where the degree of control is far beyond a one-night scene or a bedroom-only D/s.
Because of its intensity, the slave role is generally considered an advanced or extreme form of submission. A common piece of advice in the community is that novices should not jump blindly into a Master/slave arrangement. "A beginner sub shouldn't even consider adopting this role," one writer warns. "The depth of submission required in this dynamic makes it easy to abuse by someone [untrustworthy]." In other words, becoming someone's "slave" means you are extraordinarily vulnerable; you may be agreeing to obey without question, to endure training and discipline, to perhaps surrender rights that other submissives retain (like the right to say "no" to certain acts, beyond a safeword for health or extreme situations). Therefore, it is crucial that the person you give this power to is worthy of it, ethical, experienced, and deeply respectful of consent. Consent in a TPE context can be more complex (“consensual non-consent” and long-term consent agreements come into play), but it must still be present. Trust and transparency are everything. BDSM experts like Jay Wiseman and Jack Rinella have long stressed that one should know oneself and one’s partner very well before entering an M/s dynamic, it’s not a fantasy to indulge lightly, but a lifestyle choice to be negotiated with utmost care.
So what draws someone to the slave identity? For many, it's a craving for total surrender. Some slaves describe a profound sense of freedom in giving up control, a paradox, perhaps, but real. By obeying completely, they quiet their mind's chatter and devote themselves entirely to service and the will of their Master/Mistress. It can be almost spiritual. Within consensual slavery, the submissive often feels seen and valued for their total dedication. Their guiding star is pleasing their owner. Every rule followed, every punishment accepted, is a reaffirmation of their bond. The intensity can create an almost sacred intimacy, two people entwined in defined roles that make each indispensable to the other.
Slaves often perform many of the functions of other sub types: they may do service tasks (like a service sub), endure pain (like a masochist), or be used sexually at their owner’s whim (like a sexual sub). The difference is one of degree and autonomy. A submissive might negotiate each scene or have limits that are very clear (“I only serve you on weekends” or “I won’t do X”). In a Master/slave dynamic, the understanding is typically that the slave’s default answer is “Yes, Master.” Their limits might be very few or pre-negotiated only in broad strokes (for instance, hard limits for safety, but aside from that the slave trusts the Master to make decisions). There is often a romantic or ethos-driven appeal here: slaves sometimes say they take pride in offering the “ultimate gift” of submission, their whole selves. Dominants in turn often feel a deep sense of responsibility and love for their slaves. Done right, this relationship is an intense symphony of dominance and submission, not abusive but profoundly consensual and mutual in its own asymmetrical way.
Of course, 24/7 power exchange is challenging. It requires discipline (on both sides), constant communication, and routine maintenance of consent. Many M/s couples have check-ins, journals, or reaffirmation rituals to ensure the dynamic remains healthy. Real life can intrude too; jobs, kids, outside commitments, so not every "slave" is literally kneeling 24 hours a day. Many are in internal servitude even when outwardly they appear just like any other partner in public. Each couple defines what total power exchange means to them.
The Pet: Animal Roleplay Submission
Some submissives unleash their inner animal, literally. In pet play, a sub takes on the role or headspace of an animal, and the Dominant acts as their owner or handler. If you've ever joked that your partner is "training you," pet play takes that concept and runs with it, tail wagging! Common pet personas include puppies, kittens, and ponies, though you’ll also find bunnies, foxes, pigs, or even mythical creatures like pet dragons in the imaginative world of BDSM.
What does pet play look like? Picture a kittenish sub named Mariah: she puts on fluffy cat ears and a clip-on tail, greets her Domme with a coy "meow." Throughout the evening, Mariah might crawl on all fours, nuzzle her Domme's leg, bat at yarn, nap in a sunny spot. Her Domme strokes her hair, scratches behind her ear, maybe gives a light newspaper swat if kitty tries jumping on the table. It's affectionate ownership, basically. Mariah has entered "pet space" ... a mindset where she feels more cat than human. In that space, her worries melt away; she can purr, play, and submit fully to her Owner's care.
Pet submissives often describe this as incredibly liberating. Much like age play, animal roleplay allows an escape from one's normal persona. A pet doesn't have to file taxes or make complex decisions; a pet just gets to be. "Animal play is an opportunity to really turn your brain off," wrote BDSM educators Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, "and [it] can be wonderfully uninhibited and releasing." Indeed, many who enjoy pet play speak of the "mindless freedom from responsibility" it brings. Humans carry stress, but a well-loved dog or cat just lives in the moment seeking pleasure and approval. In pet space, the submissive can tap into that simple mindset. They might even experience the world with “animal-like” focus: heightened attention to touch, desire for praise (“good girl, such a good puppy!” can make a pet-sub positively beam), or conversely, feeling the excitement of “training” and earning treats.
Dominants who enjoy pet play typically love the nurturing and playful aspects. There's often lots of affection, petting, grooming, cooing affirmations. The Dom might feed their pet-sub from a bowl, take them on (consensual) leashed walks, play fetch, or teach tricks. Some pets are obedient and eager-to-please (much like a service sub in animal form), while others might be cheeky and require "obedience school." For example, puppy play sometimes has "good dogs" and "bad dogs"; a naughty puppy might chew the furniture or growl playfully, inviting a firm correction or a tussle. This can overlap with primal play if it gets rough (two humans growling and wrestling, one ultimately asserting dominance). But honestly, pet play often stays pretty light and comedic. Hard to take yourself seriously when you're playing fetch or getting belly rubs, you know?
Pet play can also be erotic, but doesn't have to be. Some couples incorporate sexual touch; perhaps the "owner" pleasures their pet with vibrator or hand, reinforcing that the pet's body is under the owner's control. A common fantasy is the studly “breeder” scenario, e.g. treating a sub like a mare to be bred, which can involve consensual non-consent overtones and very intense play. But outside of such scenes, a lot of pet play is more about power and comfort than raw sex. For instance, a ponyboy might spend hours happily pulling a cart or being shown off in pony gear without any genital contact at all; the fulfillment comes from the role itself and the praise of their trainer.
A hallmark of pet play is often the use of special gear or accessories to enhance the transformation. There are bespoke hoods that make a person’s face look canine or feline, collars and leashes (of course), harnesses for ponies, mittens that mimic paw pads, plug-in tails (yes, tails that…go in the butt, for a real wag), cages or crates for pets to “sleep” in, and even training clickers and treat pouches as you’d see at a dog park! These trappings can deepen the immersion. When a sub hears the jingle of their collar’s tag each time they move, it can reinforce their feeling of pet identity. Some pets enjoy being displayed or performing in pet-play competitions (yes, there are puppy play contests in kink communities, complete with obstacle courses!). For others, it’s intensely private, a headspace just for them and their owner at home.
The Masochist Submissive: Pain as Pleasure
Some like it hot, as the saying goes; and for masochistic submissives, hot might mean the bite of a cane, the thud of a flogger, or the sharp sting of wax on skin. A masochist sub is someone who finds genuine pleasure in pain, deriving erotic or emotional satisfaction from intense sensation that others would consider "bad" or painful. "Masochism," as defined by one kink scholar, is "the desire and ability to become aroused… while experiencing sensations that other people avoid." In other words, for a masochist, pain isn't just tolerable, it's a pathway to pleasure, even to orgasm or spiritual release.
The masochist submissive can overlap with any other sub type, but what sets them apart is that pain itself is a primary reward. A masochist might submit to a Sadistic Dominant specifically to get hurt. Their negotiations might sound like: "Please, I want you to flog me until I cry," or "I want to see how many needles I can take, push me." It’s not uncommon to hear a masochistic sub beg, “Harder, more, please!” while their Dominant carefully walks the line of safety. The appeal lies in the body’s response: pain triggers a flood of endorphins and adrenaline, the same biological chemicals that can create a “runner’s high.” Under the right conditions, a masochist’s brain will alchemize pain into pleasure. The sharp burn of a whip strike, after the initial shock, might unfurl into a spreading warmth and euphoria. Many describe it as entering an altered state. They feel “high,” floaty, like they’re riding waves of sensation. A deep catharsis often follows, releasing pent-up emotions in cries or tears that feel cleansing, or simply a heavy, languid relaxation (sometimes called “sub space”) that can last hours or days.
Masochists often refer to themselves (playfully) as "pain sluts" or "sensation junkies." Far from being pathological, this simply highlights that they have an extraordinary capacity to enjoy intense sensations. As Dossie Easton quipped, many kinksters see being a masochist not as having something "wrong" with them, but as "an extraordinary capacity to experience and enjoy a huge range of sensation". Science backs up that the context of pain matters: when it's desired and controlled, the body interprets it very differently than unwanted pain.
Worth noting: not all submissives are masochists, and not all masochists are otherwise submissive. Some masochists are quite in charge of a scene (e.g. "bottoming from the top", essentially topping themselves by ordering a partner to inflict pain in a certain way). And some service or sexual submissives, for example, might have zero interest in pain; they serve in other ways. But a lot of BDSM play does involve some pain, so there's a broad spectrum from those who like a light spanking now and then, to full-blown hardcore masochists who revel in extreme torture scenes.
For those on the far end of that spectrum, pain can take on deep personal meaning. It might be a form of emotional release; a masochist having a stressful week might really need a heavy flogging to cry and let it all out (one could say they use pain to access emotions, similar to how others use sad movies or therapy). Or it could be about achievement and pride: enduring a challenging caning and wearing the tiger-stripe welts after like a badge of honor, feeling "Wow, I took all that, I'm strong!" Some even use pain to process past trauma in a controlled way, essentially reenacting and reclaiming sensations with a trusted partner (this should only be done with great care and ideally professional guidance, but it’s known to happen in kink).
Yet, for many masochistic subs, it's less about analysis and more about that straightforward kinky thrill: it just feels really, really good. They might not know why they're wired this way; only that a life without rough sex or intense sensation would feel incomplete. There’s even a joy in the struggle and surrender to pain. A masochist may start a scene tense, resisting the sting, but as they breathe and let go, there comes a moment of surrender ... the pain washes over and through them, and suddenly they’re in a state of profound peace and arousal. That moment of giving in is highly erotic for some. It’s as if with each strike or clamp, they’re pushed closer to a transcendental edge, until they finally soar.
One well-known paraphilia researcher, Jack Morin, introduced the concept of the "erotic equation: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement." For masochists, pain is the "obstacle" that intensifies excitement. They're attracted to the scenario (say, being dominated), and the pain provides the hurdle that, once overcome or accepted, yields an explosion of erotic energy. No wonder many masochistic subs report feeling closer to their Dominants after a heavy scene, the experience is intense and bonding. As kink author Patrick Califia (in Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Kink) pointed out, consenting to what most see as "torture" and coming out ecstatic can be a powerful affirmation that BDSM, far from being pathological, is "a sexual style based on consent and negotiation" ... a deliberate journey into intensity for mutual pleasure.
If you're reading this curious about your own submissive side, take these categories as inspiration, not strict rules. You might experiment with a few roles to see what kindles that fire inside. Maybe a bedtime spent in little space leaves you feeling more whole, or you discover that being called a "good girl" while scrubbing the floor gives you a heady rush. Perhaps the thud of a flogger unlocks a euphoric calm you never expected. Pay attention to your fantasies, often they're the compass pointing to what kind of sub you might be. And don't be afraid to communicate with potential Dominants about it. A great Dominant, as Esther Perel might note, is a great listener: they want to know who you are and what you yearn for in your depths, so they can craft a journey together that satisfies you both.
Whichever path of submission calls to you, walk it proudly. In the rich garden of BDSM, there's room for the tender pets, the feisty brats, the obedient servants, the playful kids-at-heart, the ardent slaves, the brave pain-lovers, all of us. Happy submitting, in whatever way brings you joy and liberation.