BeMoreKinky research
How Experience Changes What Couples Want
How kink experience changes what couples want, including the categories people embrace early, those that grow with experience, and the level-two dip.
Experienced app users said yes more often than beginners in every broad kink category we compared. Bondage, non-monogamy and psychological play had the biggest gaps. Roleplay differed much less, while submissive names barely differed at all.
That does not mean we watched the same people become more adventurous. We compared people at different self-described experience levels. Think of it as two group photos, not a time-lapse from somebody's first pair of cuffs to whatever lives in the locked cupboard years later.
The comparison is straightforward. Some interests were popular with both groups. Some appeared much more often among highly experienced users. Others scarcely differed.
Highly experienced kinksters said yes more often in every kink category
Level 1 means somebody described themselves as a beginner. Level 4 means they chose the highest experience level. The charts put those two groups side by side across all twelve categories.
From the data
The largest gaps between beginners and highly experienced users
Share who said yes to activities in each category
Bondage: Beginners, Level 1, 71.9%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 85.7%. Non-monogamy: Beginners, Level 1, 32.4%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 46%. Psychological play: Beginners, Level 1, 37.3%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 49.4%. Devices: Beginners, Level 1, 49.8%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 58.6%. Sensation play: Beginners, Level 1, 65.2%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 73.2%. Femdom: Beginners, Level 1, 51.8%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 59.8%.
From the data
The smaller gaps between beginners and highly experienced users
Share who said yes to activities in each category
Soft domination and praise: Beginners, Level 1, 75%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 82.2%. Sensual: Beginners, Level 1, 62.7%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 69.7%. Dominant names: Beginners, Level 1, 38.1%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 44.8%. Fantasies: Beginners, Level 1, 48.5%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 54.9%. Roleplay: Beginners, Level 1, 46.9%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 50.4%. Submissive names: Beginners, Level 1, 45.9%; Highly experienced, Level 4, 46.4%.
For how we define the categories and experience levels, see Methodology and Privacy.
Every row leans the same way, towards the highly experienced group. The gaps are what separate the categories.
Experience did not sort kinks into a tidy mild-to-wild ladder
I find the chart easiest to read in three rough groups: interests beginners already liked, interests with a wide gap between the two groups, and interests where experience told us very little.
Bondage, praise and sensation were popular with beginners too
Soft domination and praise, bondage, sensation play and sensual activities were already popular with beginners. The highly experienced group had not left them behind.
That feels familiar from inside kink. Praise, a little restraint and deliberate sensation can feel intensely kinky without needing an elaborate role or a fully furnished dungeon. Two people can easily imagine what their own version might look like.
Calling them beginner interests would undersell them, though. The highly experienced group liked them too. Bondage, in particular, has range: cuffs in bed, elaborate rope, functional restraint, decorative restraint, helplessness, pressure, stillness. It is the little black dress of kink. It works almost everywhere, and people keep finding new ways to wear it.
Highly experienced kinksters liked bondage much more than beginners did
Bondage had the widest gap even though beginners already liked it. Non-monogamy and psychological play had almost as much distance between the groups, but both began much lower among beginners.
Psychological play here means tasks, rules and mental challenges. The label sounds rather clinical. "Follow my rule" is only four words, but in the right relationship it can occupy somebody's thoughts all day.
Devices and femdom sat in the middle of the chart. Fantasies and sensual play had gentler gaps.
Beginners and highly experienced kinksters liked roleplay and submissive names at similar rates
For submissive names, experience told us almost nothing. The beginner and highly experienced results were practically identical. Roleplay had a slightly wider gap, but still far less than bondage, non-monogamy or psychological play.
That is why I have put them in this bucket. "Pet", "slut", "darling" and "good girl" can look like neighbouring words in a list while landing in completely different parts of a person. An experience label is a poor way to guess which one, if any, somebody wants.
Roleplay is just as particular. Somebody may adore authority and hate pretending to be a stranger, nurse or captive. Somebody else may need the fiction before they can let go. The chart gives us little help in telling those people apart.
People with some kink experience said yes less often than beginners in four categories
The middle of the comparison has a wobble. For non-monogamy, devices, submissive names and roleplay, the Level 2 group said yes less often than beginners. The percentages rose again at Levels 3 and 4.
From the data
Non-monogamy
Yes rates by self-described experience level
Non-monogamy yes rates were 32.4% at Level 1, 30.3% at Level 2, 35.8% at Level 3, and 46% at Level 4.
From the data
Devices
Yes rates by self-described experience level
Devices yes rates were 49.8% at Level 1, 44.7% at Level 2, 47.3% at Level 3, and 58.6% at Level 4.
From the data
Submissive names
Yes rates by self-described experience level
Submissive names yes rates were 45.9% at Level 1, 41.7% at Level 2, 41.8% at Level 3, and 46.4% at Level 4.
From the data
Roleplay
Yes rates by self-described experience level
Roleplay yes rates were 46.9% at Level 1, 39.7% at Level 2, 45.4% at Level 3, and 50.4% at Level 4.
You can invent a lovely kink coming-of-age story for that shape: beginners are curious, Level 2 gets choosy, veterans open back up. It may even fit some people. It is not what this chart measures. These are four different groups, not one group moving through four stages.
The useful point is smaller. "More experience, more interest" describes the two ends of the chart, not every step in between.
Ask what somebody wants, not how experienced they are
Experience is a broad clue, not a biography. If you are new to kink, the categories beginners already liked may give you more shared ground for a first conversation. That does not make them training wheels. The highly experienced group remained very keen on them, and bondage has almost absurd room to deepen.
If roleplay or names matter to you, ask about the specific version you want. Waiting for experience to reveal the answer is unlikely to tell you much. "Do you like roleplay?" is already broad; "Would you like us to pretend we have never met?" gives somebody something real to answer.
There are three other experience questions in this collection. One compares enthusiasm, intensity and preparation. Another follows repeated app use over time. A third looks at how experience groups describe their safety habits. None is the same as putting beginners and highly experienced users side by side.
An experience label can tell you roughly how much ground somebody feels they have covered. It cannot tell you which rule, toy or filthy little word will make them shiver.