BeMoreKinky research
What Couples Do Between Sessions: Proposals, Tasks, and AI Scenes
How couples use structured tools to communicate desire, from play proposals to power-exchange tasks to AI-generated fantasy scenes.
Short answer: between sessions, couples use proposals to ask for play, BDSM tasks to carry a dynamic into ordinary life, AI scenes to turn selected activities into stories and quizzes to explore their interests. Each tool gives desire a different form: a proposal, an instruction, a story or a question.
I used to think of these as separate features. Looking at how people use them, they feel more like different ways of solving the same awkward problem: I know what I want, but how the hell do I bring it up?
Couples proposed most on Saturday, but Wednesday had the highest yes rate
A proposal is a written suggestion sent to a partner. It might be an activity, a phrase or the beginning of a scene. One partner sends a specific idea and the other can answer it when they are ready.
The week has two different peaks. Saturday drew the largest share of proposals, while Wednesday had the highest acceptance rate. The busiest day for asking was not the day that produced the most yeses.
From the data
Saturday drew the most proposals; Wednesday got the highest yes rate
The share of weekly proposals sent each day and the percentage accepted
Share of proposals and Accepted by day: Sunday, Share of proposals 14.3%, Accepted 42.2%; Monday, Share of proposals 13.3%, Accepted 41.5%; Tuesday, Share of proposals 14.8%, Accepted 33.9%; Wednesday, Share of proposals 12.8%, Accepted 43.3%; Thursday, Share of proposals 12.5%, Accepted 33.3%; Friday, Share of proposals 15.2%, Accepted 35.1%; Saturday, Share of proposals 17.2%, Accepted 38.7%.
Saturday-you is horny and optimistic. Wednesday-you is realistic about what is actually going to happen.
Weekend proposals were accepted slightly more often than workday proposals. Explicit declines were rare. Accepted and expired proposals were the two largest outcomes, while some proposals were still waiting for an answer. Sometimes a proposal gets a yes. Sometimes it sits there until the moment has passed.
Anticipation and blindfolding appeared prominently among the activities partners proposed. Being called "good girl" was prominent among the naming suggestions too. That fits the broader pattern in our research on what couples agree on, although a proposal is still its own act. Rating an idea and choosing to send it to your partner are different decisions.
The task system carries power exchange into everyday life
A kinky task is an instruction one partner assigns for later. It might be something to do or something to report back on. In a D/s relationship, that can give authority a daily rhythm. A dominant might set the task, a submissive might carry it into the rest of the day, and both have something concrete to return to.
The task system did not only run from dominant to submissive. Subs assigned tasks as well, and some tasks passed between partners who used the same role label.
The task outcome split was stark: fully completed, or no activity recorded. Full completion was more common.
From the data
60.5% of BDSM tasks were completed in full
What happened after a task was assigned
Fully completed: 60.5%. No activity recorded: 39.5%.
I recognise that split. A task can become a lovely piece of connective tissue in a dynamic, but only once it has a place in somebody's actual day. "Message me before bed" is concrete. "Be more obedient" is a mood wearing a clipboard.
Couples also attached rewards and consequences to tasks. Rewards appeared more often. Both make the response part of the task system: the task sets an expectation, then names what follows.
Our separate findings on whether partner-set tasks are completed more often and who gives whom tasks answer two narrower questions. Here, the question is what the task system adds between one session and the next.
What do couples ask AI to imagine?
BeMoreKinky's AI scene generator writes a scenario around activities a person selects. People chose tickling, eye-contact rules, collars, wrist restraints, hair stroking and spanking.
I love the oddness of that mix. Kink is often sorted into "soft" and "serious" as if one cancels out the other. Tenderness and control both appear in what people selected. So do playfulness and restraint. A hand in your hair belongs in the same fantasy vocabulary as a rule about where you are allowed to look.
Broad kink quizzes were completed far more often than specialist profiles
Quizzes do something quieter. They turn a vague feeling into a question a person can answer privately. The broad questions drew much more completion than specialist personality profiles.
Because the safety check is required, we used it only as the comparison baseline. The giver-or-receiver and comfort-zone quizzes had the highest relative completion outside that baseline. Specialist profiles sat much lower.
From the data
Broad role questions drew more completion than specialist profiles
Completion volume relative to the required safety-check baseline
Required safety-check baseline: 100%. Are you a giver or receiver?: 75.6%. Finding your comfort zone: 62.7%. Fetish Aesthetics Profile: 8.5%. Submissive Total Power Exchange Profile: 5.7%. BDSM Orientation Profile: 5.1%. Consensual Non-Consent Profile: 2.3%. Sadism Profile: 0.8%.
The gap feels fairly recognisable. "Am I more of a giver or receiver?" is easy to be curious about. Opening a profile devoted to total power exchange or sadism is a much more specific choice.
Among people who completed the Submissive Total Power Exchange (TPE) Profile, Emotional Tone & Meaning was the highest-scoring section and Directive Style the lowest. TPE is often pictured as a wall of orders, protocols and permissions. In these profiles, emotional meaning outranked simply being told what to do.
The role-quiz comparison looks at a different question: whether a quiz result matches the role somebody already uses. Here, the interesting part is what people chose to explore when those questions were available to them.
This is what I have learnt from building these tools with my partner: "Be more dominant" is nearly useless as an instruction. "Message me before bed and tell me what I am wearing tomorrow" has a time, an action and a way back into the dynamic. The erotic charge is not in the admin. It is in giving the dynamic somewhere to land on an ordinary Tuesday.
Blindfolds and Good Girl were popular in both ratings and proposals
Read the kinks couples agree on fastest for the shared activities behind some proposals, or how kinky language is gendered for the "good girl" pattern. Our methodology and privacy page explains how the app research is put together.