Facesitting Positions: Techniques and Variations

Face-sitting isn't a single position, it's a category of positions with many variations to experiment with. At its core, one partner lies down (or reclines) while the other "takes a seat" on their face", bringing their vulva, penis, or anus in contact with the partner's mouth. Within this basic setup, there are multiple orientations and styles to explore:

• Classic (Facing Forward): The receiving partner (the one being pleasured) straddles the giver's face while facing toward the giver's head. In this arrangement, sometimes called the queen's throne -- you can maintain eye contact and easily watch your partner's expressions. It's intimate and can feel emotionally connected. The person on top typically kneels or squats above their partner's mouth. This face-to-face orientation often makes oral access to the clitoris or penis straightforward.

• Reverse (Facing Away): In this variation, the sitter faces their partner's feet (a bit like a reverse cowgirl position) while still straddling the face. The view here is different, the person on top might enjoy looking back at their partner's body or even watching in a mirror. Reverse face-sitting offers some unique benefits: it can provide a great angle for the giver to stimulate the clitoris with their tongue or to perform rimming (anal oral stimulation) since the anus is directly above the partner's lips and tongue. Some people find that facing away feels less shy, since you’re not making direct eye contact, which can help you relax into enjoyment if you’re feeling self-conscious. Others just find it incredibly sexy to treat their partner like a personal throne from this angle.

• Full Sit vs. Hover: You don't necessarily have to plop down with full weight immediately, many couples alternate between hovering and fully sitting. Hovering (a.k.a. The "Squatting Technique") means the person on top squats just above their partner's face, using their thighs and core to control how much weight they put down. This gives the bottom partner (the one lying down) room to breathe and speak, and it allows the top to regulate pressure and tease by moving closer or further. It's a bit of a workout, but it offers great control. In contrast, fully sitting means letting most of your weight rest on your partner's face (usually on the chin, cheeks, and mouth area) -- this can create deeper pressure and intensity of contact. Some describe the feeling of full-weight face-sitting as "completely devouring" or overwhelming in a thrilling way. As dominatrix Mistress Eva (Eva Oh) notes, "the one who is sat upon can be absorbed by the full weight and being of the sittee, letting them be lost in the joy of the moment." In other words, having your partner literally sit on you can, for some, heighten the submissive rush or feeling of worship. Tip: If you're new, start with a hover and gradually increase weight as comfort allows, you'll both find the sweet spot between gentle touch and satisfying pressure.

• Kneeling vs. Squatting: The person on top can either kneel on all fours (with knees on the bed or floor next to the partner’s ears) or squat directly on the partner’s face. Kneeling is a bit more stable and less strenuous; your weight is partially supported by your legs. Squatting (feet or toes on the bed/mat, thighs over your partner’s shoulders) lets you really control depth by raising or lowering your hips. Some refer to an intermediate posture as the “crouching tiger” -- up on your feet in a squat, which can feel dominant and allow bouncing or grinding motions. It’s okay to use a wall or headboard for support if squatting, stability can make the experience more pleasurable. Experiment with both: in a long session, you might even switch between kneeling (to rest thigh muscles) and squatting (for a more intense push onto your partner’s mouth).

• Using Furniture or Props: Facesitting isn't confined to the bed. Chairs, couches, and cushioned benches can facilitate creative positions. For instance, one variation sometimes called "Sofa Soirée" involves the bottom partner sitting upright or propped against an armchair back while the top partner kneels on the armrests and lowers their pelvis to the partner's face. This partial-seated posture can be more comfortable for the bottom's neck (since they're not flat on their back) and gives the top something to hold onto. Another idea is using a sturdy ottoman or custom "queening stool" -- essentially a low seat with an opening, where the bottom lies beneath the opening and the top sits above. (Fun fact: It's said that England's King Edward VII commissioned a special "siege d'amour" love chair for face-sitting, to accommodate his lovers comfortably!) While you might not have a royal throne handy, even simple pillows or wedges can mimic this: for example, a foam wedge pillow can elevate the bottom partner's upper body so that the top can sit more comfortably without having to squat deeply. Sex educators like Tristan Taormino often suggest incorporating pillows/props to find the angle that works best -- a little support can turn a tricky pose into the "best seat in the house."

Those are just a few of the facesitting position variations you can explore. Ultimately, be playful and creative. As BDSM author Janet W. Hardy puts it, "Never forget that you get to write the script however you want to!" Your facesitting doesn't have to look like anyone else's, find positions that excite both you and your partner. Some couples even invent their own moves (for example, a wild double-play where both partners take turns being on top in one session, or using mirrors for visual stimulation). Listen to your bodies -- and don't be afraid to laugh and adjust if something is awkward at first.

Best Face Sitting Positions for Comfort and Pleasure

The positions that work best are usually the ones where both partners stay comfortable long enough to really get into it. Here are some top recommendations, blending practical sex-ed tips with a bit of creative flair:

1. The Classic "Throne" (Pillow-Boosted): For many, the gold standard of facesitting comfort is the basic straddle with a little enhancement. Start with the classic arrangement, partner on their back, you kneeling over their face, but add a pillow or wedge under the bottom partner's head and shoulders. This slight elevation does two things: it reduces neck strain for the person on bottom and it angles their face upward, which often gives better access to your goodies. Sexologist Marla Stewart notes that if the receiver (the one lying down) has any neck or back issues, propping them up with a pillow or small Liberator wedge can make a world of difference. It basically brings their mouth closer to you so you don't have to squat as low. Both partners can relax more in this setup, you can even sit more fully without worrying that they're flat and smothered. Make sure the pillow is not too soft (a firmer cushion maintains stability).

2. Reverse Cowgirl Face-Sit (with Hip Support): The reverse orientation is often cited as a “best of both worlds” position -- it can be intensely pleasurable for the sitter and ergonomically easier for the giver. When you face away from your partner’s head (toward their feet), your partner’s tongue naturally aligns differently with your anatomy, often reaching spots that facing-forward might not. For instance, if you have a clitoris, facing away means your partner’s nose or upper lip can rub it while their tongue focuses on your vaginal opening or perineum, an amazing combo for some. To maximize comfort here, use your partner’s body as support: you can place your hands on their thighs or even hold their ankles for balance. Your partner can also bend their knees slightly behind you, giving you a sort of “backrest” to lean against if needed. This position “opens up” access, one Reddit user described it as “perfect for when I want him to rim me and lick everywhere.” Because you’re turned around, the bottom partner can also, if they like, stimulate you with a finger at the same time (for example, a finger on the clit while tongue is busy elsewhere). Communication is key to get the rhythm, you can guide their hand to the right spot. Pro tip: In reverse positions, be mindful of hair (if you have long hair, tie it up or toss it to the side so it doesn’t tickle your partner’s belly or get accidentally pulled). Also, consider a mirror -- some couples place a mirror at the foot of the bed so the partner on bottom can still see the action (and you might catch a glimpse of yourself which can be a huge turn-on or a source of visual feedback). Comfort-wise, reverse can sometimes put more pressure on the partner’s neck (since many people naturally arch their head back a bit in this orientation). That pillow or wedge under the shoulders we mentioned works here too, keeping their neck neutral. Or, the bottom partner can scoot to the edge of the bed while lying down, so that you (the sitter) can stand or kneel on the floor facing away, essentially using the bed’s height to line up with their face. This variant is great if there’s a significant weight difference or if the top partner wants to be more stable by having feet on the ground.

3. The "Chair Throne" Variation: If a bed isn't the most comfortable for face-sitting, try using a sturdy chair or sofa. The bottom partner sits upright or slightly reclined in the chair, and the top partner straddles their face from above. One way is for the bottom person to sit on the edge of the seat, and the top partner stands or kneels over them. Many find this setup incredibly comfortable because the bottom's head is naturally tilted back against the headrest (perfect angle for oral), and the top can hold onto the chair for support. It also feels luxuriously kinky -- like a lapdance but on the face. Just ensure the chair is stable and can handle movement (no wheels!). You might also put a towel down on the chair seat if kneeling for cushioning. Bonus: This position leaves the bottom partner's hands free to roam, they might grip your buttocks to help guide you, or stimulate you with a toy (imagine a vibrator on your nipple or a wand on your perineum while you get licked, oh my!). For the person on bottom, this can be one of the best positions because their own breathing is usually unrestricted (their chest isn't compressed by you) and they can pull back easily if needed.

4. Sideways Face Sitting: Who says you must face front or back? Some couples enjoy a sideways straddle, especially if the top’s thighs are bothering them in a standard squat. In this variation, the bottom partner lies on their back as usual, but the top partner sits with one leg on each side of the partner’s head as if mounting from the side. Your legs will be to the left and right of your partner’s head, rather than above their shoulders. This position can reduce hip strain for the sitter, and it offers a fun novelty, your partner’s tongue will hit different angles. It might not be for everyone, but give it a try to see if the geometry feels good. One person with a smaller partner reported that sideways was a game-changer because she could essentially rest one thigh across her partner’s collarbone and didn’t feel like she was going to squash their whole head. Feel free to use a hand to direct your partner’s head or to hold yourself up a bit. Tip: Because this position is a little unconventional, it’s something to experiment with once you’ve tried the basics. It can also transition nicely into a normal 69 position if you angle down, versatility!

5. The Hovering Grind (Great for Orgasm): As you become more comfortable, you might discover that hovering just above your partner's mouth, so that they have to reach up with their tongue, can be extremely hot. This is less about comfort for long periods and more about maximizing your control and arousal. The idea is: you squat above them, but instead of letting them lick at their own pace, you do the moving -- rubbing your sensitive parts over their tongue, lips, and nose. It's essentially the "grinding the face" move. The key to making this comfortable (and not an extreme thigh workout) is to do it in short bursts or have something to support part of your weight. That way, you control exactly how and where you're stimulated. This position is often what leads many with vulvas to orgasm, because you can position their nose or chin right against your clit while their tongue teases your entrance, a dual sensation that's heavenly. Communicate with moans or words to let them know if something feels amazing (they'll get the idea quickly). When you need a break or feel your legs tiring, you can lower fully onto their face for a rest (or switch to a kneeling position). Some couples play a game here: the top will hover and grind until just about to climax, then pull back, a bit of edging that can make the final finish explosively good.

Comfort tips for longer sessions:

• Change it up -- Even the best face sitting positions can cause numbness or cramp after a while. Don't hesitate to rotate between two or three positions in one session. For instance, start in classic facing, then try reverse, then maybe finish by lying down and having your partner go down on you in a regular way. Variety prevents strain and can heighten arousal through new sensations.

As Tristan Taormino often says, the best positions are the ones that make you forget about "position" entirely and just lose yourself in the moment. When you're comfortably straddling your lover's face and all you feel is waves of bliss, you know you've found your best face-sitting groove.

Sitting on Face: Advanced Sex Position Techniques

Once you've got the basics down, you might want some new thrills. This section is all about advanced techniques for the "sitting on face" sex position -- ways to intensify the experience, introduce kinkier elements, and truly claim your queendom/kingdom. Remember, advanced doesn't necessarily mean acrobatic; often it's about the mental and sensual twists you add. Here's how seasoned face-sitting aficionados turn up the heat:

Incorporate Power Play and Dominance: Facesitting already has a naturally dominant/submissive vibe, one person literally serves as a seat while the other revels in oral pleasure. You can dial that up with a bit of consensual roleplay or dirty talk. For example, some couples enjoy the top partner taking on a Queen/King role (“Worship me with that tongue,” “You are my throne”), while the bottom partner might play the eager servant (“Your wish is my command”). This kind of talk can feel incredibly erotic if both are into a power dynamic. Sex educator Midori often encourages people to lean into their fantasies: if being sat on makes the bottom feel submissive in a hot way, embrace it, maybe the bottom keeps their hands behind their back as a sign of giving up control, or the top uses the bottom’s hair as “reins” to steer their face. On the other hand, a bottom might dirty-talk to boost the top’s confidence, saying things like “Yes, use me,” or even something playful like “Thank you, may I have another?” (if coming up for air). Consent is key -- discuss any roleplay scenario beforehand. For instance, Mollena Williams-Haas, a BDSM educator, notes that intentional erotic humiliation (like calling your partner naughty names or ‘forcing’ them to stay put) should be consensual and negotiated so it remains a positive experience. When done right, these scenarios can create off-the-charts excitement. One kink-friendly couple shared that occasionally the top will lightly slap the bottom’s face with her inner thighs and scold, “I didn’t say you could breathe yet,” to heighten that dom/sub rush, followed, of course, by making sure he’s actually okay. They both found it thrilling because it was like acting out a taboo, while still having real trust underneath. If this sort of play appeals to you, start gentle -- maybe incorporate just a bit of commanding language in your next session and gauge each other’s reactions.

Full-Weight Facesitting & Breath Play: As you get more experienced, you might want to try increasing the intensity -- that means fully sitting down and potentially exploring the edges of your partner's breathing limits. This is sometimes called "smothering" in BDSM contexts, and it absolutely requires trust, clear signals, and ideally prior discussion. If both of you are aroused by a bit of breath control, establish a hand signal or agreed gesture for the bottom to use when they need air -- for example, tapping out, or if their hands are immobilized, maybe holding a small ball they can drop. Some couples use a counting system: the bottom might tap once periodically to show they’re still okay, two or more taps to indicate they need a break now. When you attempt full-weight sitting, it can be useful to position so that your partner’s nose is between either your thighs or slightly to the side of your genitals, rather than directly under the pubic bone -- this way their nostrils might still get a bit of airflow even as you cover their mouth completely. Important safety note: Even though this is consensual, understand that breath play carries risks. BDSM safety expert Jay Wiseman warns that there is no completely safe way to restrict someone's breathing, as even a few seconds of full airway blockage can be unpredictable. So, tread very carefully: never sit so long that your partner actually loses consciousness, and if they signal, get off immediately. It may not sound sexy to talk about worst-case scenarios, but being aware is part of advanced play. Some fun (and slightly silly) folks even buy a product called a "pussy snorkel" -- essentially a small snorkel or breathing tube, to use during extreme smother play. While that’s not necessary for most, it shows the level of creativity out there! For most couples, just knowing the top could smother the bottom is enough of a psychological thrill, you might play with hovering closely, telling them “Don’t breathe until I say,” then quickly granting air. These mind games can intensify orgasms, but again, caution and consent cannot be overstated here. Always have a plan to stop and recover if anyone panics or feels dizzy. When done with care, exploring this edge can build an incredibly deep intimacy, the bottom literally places their life-breath in the top’s hands for a moment, which can be a profound trust exercise.

Bondage and Restrained Face-Sitting: Another advanced variation is incorporating light bondage. For instance, the bottom partner’s hands can be tied (to the bedposts or behind their back) while the top sits on their face. This obviously enhances the power imbalance, the bottom cannot push the top off (hence this is only for experienced pairs who already trust each other’s non-verbal safewords!). Even simple wrists held down by the top’s hands can have a similar effect psychologically. If you want to try this, test it gradually: maybe start by having the bottom clasp their own hands behind their back during a face-sit, to simulate being bound. If that goes well, you could introduce actual cuffs or rope in a future session. Many find that a restrained partner is more relaxed in a way, they surrender to the ride, since they know they can’t interfere. The top partner may find it arousing to truly “take her seat” and grind, knowing their partner is helpless beneath them. Tristan Taormino in The Ultimate Guide to Kink mentions that combining restraint with oral-based positions can create intense sensations of vulnerability and focus, all the pleasure is concentrated on that connection between mouth and genitals. One specific tip: if the bottom’s hands are tied, the agreed safe-signal might be something like holding a ball or bell that they drop to signal “red”. Adapt your safety measures to the scenario. Alternatively, consider blindfolding the bottom partner. Removing sight can amplify their other senses; every lick and every subtle movement of your body will feel heightened to them. Plus, as the top, you might feel more uninhibited when you know your partner can’t see what you’ll do next, it can bring out a deliciously mischievous streak (perhaps you tease them by just barely brushing their lips with your inner thighs, then pulling back).

Multi-Tasking Bliss: Who says face-sitting means only one kind of stimulation? Advanced players often mix in sex toys or other sexual activities for mind-blowing combos. For example, the top partner might use a vibrator on their clit while being orally serviced, it’s a fantastic way to ensure a strong orgasm if oral alone isn’t getting you all the way. The person on bottom could also hold a small vibe on the top’s genitals (if they can manage while licking, or during breaks when coming up for air). Another idea: incorporate penetration if you want to. If the bottom has a free hand, they might slide a finger or dildo into the top partner (with ample lube and communication). The top can ride their face and the toy simultaneously. Some couples take turns, say, the top sits for a while and orgasms from oral, then immediately shifts to 69 or intercourse to get the bottom off. There’s no rule you must finish with face-sitting; it can be an intense foreplay that leads to other things. On the flip side, for a truly decadent session, the bottom partner could be the one stimulated while giving oral. How? If the bottom has a penis, the top could stroke it or use a masturbation sleeve on them while still sitting (this is tricky but possible if you sit high on their chest periodically to give reach). If the bottom is female, the top might reach back and use fingers on the bottom’s clit in a reverse position (depending on flexibility). Granted, during actual face-sitting, the bottom is usually pretty focused on giving oral rather than receiving pleasure. But after the top is satisfied, it can be incredibly sexy for the top to then slide down and give the bottom partner a reward, whether that’s intercourse, a handjob, or any act that brings them to climax. In advanced scenes, couples sometimes enjoy a bit of a “tease and deny” game: the bottom only gets their release after they’ve successfully pleased (or “served”) the top. This dynamic, often referred to in BDSM as “service-oriented” play, can be very erotic for both. The top feels pampered and powerful; the bottom feels a sense of achievement and submissive excitement.

Extreme Variations: For the very adventurous, the world of kink offers almost endless possibilities. Some people combine face-sitting with impact play -- e.g., the top might spank the bottom lightly while sitting on them (if the bottom’s legs are accessible), or a third person might be involved to spanking or teasing. Others have explored public or semi-public facesitting, like at play parties or with the risk of being overheard, which can heighten the thrill (this is more about exhibitionism than the physical technique). If you go down that route, just be sure you’re in a safe, consensual environment (and obey any laws, public indecency is a thing).

A notable advanced theme is erotic humiliation: for instance, the top playfully smothers the bottom until they tap, then teasingly laughs or "forces" them to lick more. This overlaps with power play, but it's more psychological, it's the idea of being "used" or "dominated" that adds spice, rather than a new position. Kink educator Eva Oh (Mistress Eva) points out that "face-sitting can dance with emotions of power dynamics, position and place" in a BDSM context. That means how you frame the act can vastly change its flavor. Advanced players are adept at framing, one day face-sitting can be a romantic act of trust, another day it can be a filthy act of dominance. The physical steps might be similar; it’s the intention and attitude that shift.

Whatever advanced techniques you try, remember the golden rules: keep communicating (even if the talk is in-character dirty talk, stay aware of real indications of discomfort), and maintain a sense of mutuality. Even in a scene where one partner is “in charge,” the enjoyment ultimately belongs to both. As famed sex educator Tristan Taormino says, “The hottest sexual adventures happen when everyone’s on the same page and excited to be there.” So check in with each other’s headspace before and after these edgier scenes. If you both come out of it grinning, flushed, and perhaps saying “Wow, that was intense!”, then congratulations, you’ve successfully leveled up your face-sitting game.

Safety and Communication in Face Sitting Positions

Breathe Easy -- Literally: Breathing is the top safety concern in face-sitting. For the person on bottom, never be too proud or too shy to signal if you need air. Your partner wants you alive and happy! In fact, discuss this in advance: bottom partner can say, "Sometimes I might tap you not because I'm panicking, but just to take a quick breath, please don't take it as a failure; I really want to continue after." This removes any pressure or guilt. Tops, when you feel a tap or get a signal, respond immediately -- lift up and/or swing off to the side so your partner has free air. Check their face, are they okay? Usually a quick breath or two and they'll smile and say "keep going!" If someone ever looks truly distressed (gasping hard, coughing, or their face has gone from flushed red to a concerning pale or blueish tinge), stop the scene. It's rare if you're careful, but be ready. Do not sit again until they fully catch breath and explicitly say they're okay. Sometimes taking a break to hug and calm down is wise, especially if there was a scare. Remember what Jay Wiseman warned -- breath play can turn dangerous faster than you think, so err on the side of caution. As a top, also be mindful of your own breathing -- it's easy to hold your breath or get lightheaded if you're exerting effort (like squatting) for a long time.

The person lying down should be comfortable and supported. Make sure the neck is aligned -- using a small pillow or folded towel under the head/neck can help avoid hyperextension (bending too far back). If the bottom partner has any history of neck issues, definitely use support and maybe limit how wildly you move on top. The bottom can also place their hands on the top's thighs not just for pleasure, but to support or relieve pressure if needed. If you feel pain or a bad strain, communicate that. Adjust position if, say, your neck is cricking to the side, maybe angle differently or have the top shift forward/back. A tip from sex expert Tristan Taormino: if you have knee or neck issues, adapt the position, for instance, the bottom partner can try semi-sitting propped up, and the top can squat with feet on the bed/floor instead of kneeling on the person. These modifications keep play within safe physical limits. Bottom line: no pun intended -- a little ache in the muscles from a wild sex session is fine, but sharp pain or lasting discomfort is not. Stop if something feels wrong.

Because facesitting involves very intimate oral-anal contact in some cases, hygiene is part of safety. Ensure both partners are clean, a quick wash of the genital and anal area if you plan to include rimming will prevent unwanted bacteria from causing UTIs or stomach issues for the giver. Some folks use dental dams or cut-open condoms as a barrier during cunnilingus or rimming for safer sex, especially if you're not fluid-bonded or have any STI concerns. Realistically, as the Them.us guide notes, it's challenging to keep a barrier in place during facesitting, because things slip around. Also, have some water nearby; giving oral under someone can be a dry-mouth affair and having water helps (pause and drink if needed, hydration is healthy!). If the bottom partner has facial hair, be aware it might cause friction, a trimmed, softer beard is ideal if any, and the top might use a bit of water-based lubricant on sensitive skin areas to avoid chafing from stubble.

In conclusion, safety and communication are the bedrock of face-sitting (as with any adventurous sex). When you prioritize each other's safety, you actually unlock greater heights of pleasure, because both partners can fully let go, knowing there's an net of trust to catch them. As one sex educator put it, "Talk before you sit." Discuss expectations, set boundaries, agree on signals. During the act, keep communicating with those moans, taps, and check-ins. Now go forth and sit safely, lovers, treat each other with care, and you'll taste the true bliss this kinky, sexy act can offer. Enjoy!