Femdom Facesitting Guide for Pros
As someone who loves to sit on faces, I thought I'd share how to do it safely, sexily, and how to use psychology that makes it even hotter. If you're still getting oriented in femdom dynamics more broadly, start there first; this will be specific.
Want to explore femdom dynamics beyond facesitting? We built the BeMoreKinky app around what couples actually tell us they want to try. It features over 850 activities, including femdom phrases (soft or harsh!), position commands, and display tasks for dommes looking for fresh ways to assert control.
What is facesitting?
Typically, the dominant partner assumes control by sitting on their partner's face, while the one underneath surrenders to their weight and will.
This creates a vivid power dynamic: she is literally on top, and her partner is beneath, devoted to her pleasure.
Why do people enjoy facesitting? For a deeper exploration of why women love taking the dominant role, read about the pleasures of femdom. The extent is significant. Across 30,000+ couples on the BeMoreKinky, roughly 4 in 5 submissives said yes to queening/facesitting. So, if you've been curious about this, you're in very good company.
Many of my submissives have described entering "subspace" when being sat on. They become meditative, floaty, feel at peace and deeply to me. The rhythmic pressure of my thighs on their cheeks, my scent enveloping them, can induce a trance-like euphori*. In this mindset, being under their dom isn't scary at all; it's where they feel most safe and right.
Facesitting techniques
Basic Positioning: The classic face-sitting position involves the submissive lying on their back, and the dominant partner bringing her hips over their face. There are two main orientations:
Face-to-face (standard) sitting. The dom faces the sub's head, with the sub's nose near her clitoris/vulva (or anus, depending on angle). You can make eye contact by looking down, which feels more intimate since you see each other's expressions (or the dom watches the sub's eyes roll back). Also helpful for balance if she wants to hold onto a headboard or wall for support.
Reverse face-sitting. The dom faces the sub's feet, basically sitting backwards on the face. The sub gets a prime view of the dominant's bottom and maybe a glimpse of her back/tattoos/lingerie. The dominant often enjoys looking back at her sub's body, or not seeing them at all, just focusing inward on her pleasure. Reverse can allow deeper contact with the tongue (especially for anal play if desired) and gives a very "throne-like" feel (the sub is looking up at her butt). Many dominants find reverse face-sitting easier to control pressure by leaning forward or back.
During the scene: Once positioned, the dominant controls intensity through hip angle and how much weight she commits to the sub's face. Hovering just above creates tantalizing near-contact; pressing down communicates total dominance. Rocking or grinding forward and back lets the sub's tongue reach different spots more precisely than staying still. If the sub uses their hands to help guide positioning, the dominant can pin them down or permit them depending on what you've negotiated. Pairing facesitting with bed restraints removes the sub's ability to adjust entirely, which intensifies the power dynamic considerably.
Some tips for facesitting comfort
A firm pillow under the sub's head raises their face to a better angle and reduces neck strain, especially for longer sessions. The dominant can rest more of her weight on her knees rather than fully on the sub's face, which extends the scene comfortably without breaking the power dynamic. Both adjustments are worth testing before your first full scene.
Body Image and Confidence: Let's not ignore the psychological aspect of body confidence. For the person on top, face-sitting can bring up insecurities: "Do I smell/taste okay? Do I look good from that angle? Am I too heavy?"
Remember, your partner beneath is likely adoring every inch of you. In fact, many subs specifically fetishize larger-thighed or curvy women in face-sitting because of the enveloping, soft pressure. So own it. Allow yourself to inhabit the role fully and eroticize your confidence; it will be contagious.
The sitting partner can do a quick wipe or wash of intimate areas if they're self-conscious; feeling fresh can reduce anxiety. That said, many people love the natural scents and tastes of their partner during face-sitting; it can be a highly erotic element of the play.
To go deeper on specific positions, check out our facesitting positions guide or explore chair sex positions for alternative seated power dynamics. For techniques on verbal dominance during face-sitting, explore our femdom dirty talk guide. If you're new to dominating a man, our guide on how to dominate a man provides essential foundations.
How to increase facesitting intensity through psychology
Erotic Humiliation and Empowerment: Psychologically, facesitting can play into humiliation kinks. Being under someone's derrière might trigger feelings of embarrassment or degradation, which some people find incredibly hot when done consensually.
The sub might think, "I'm being treated like a chair or a toy; this is so dirty and I love it." Meanwhile, the dom may relish inflicting a bit of humiliation: "That's right, you're nothing but my seat right now." These scripts can heighten arousal precisely because they're taboo.
Femdom face sitting scenes can range from playful and teasing (e.g., "Oops, I'm sorry, am I squishing you? Giggle… too bad!") to strict and punitive (e.g., a disciplinarian domme "forcing" her sub to pleasure her or using face-sitting as a form of punishment).
Some dominants are nurturing even in this position, stroking the sub's hair and cooing encouragement as they ride their face. Others are gleefully cruel, laughing at the sub's muffled gasps or ignoring their needs until she is fully satisfied.
Whatever approach you choose, just remember: even when the scene involves the sub "struggling" or being "forced," it's all consensual fantasy that both partners discussed beforehand.
Safety and Communication in Facesitting Play
Alright, time for the most important part of any BDSM or sexual practice: safety and communication. Engaging in facesitting femdom play can be incredibly fulfilling, provided that you take steps to ensure both partners are safe, comfortable, and heard.
Remember the cardinal rule that every BDSM educator repeats: "Consent is key." Before anyone sits on anyone's face, you must have explicit, enthusiastic agreement from both sides about what's going to happen.
The key is understanding why you enjoy it: is it the closeness? The loss of control? The smell and taste? The queening fantasy? Once you grasp what draws you in, you can communicate that to your partner and dive deeper without shame.
Trust and Vulnerability: Face-sitting is an exercise in trust. The submissive literally places their life in the dominant's hands (or rather, under her butt!).
They must trust that their partner will stop before any real harm (like suffocation) occurs, and that if they signal distress, she will respond. This can bring up vulnerable feelings; it takes courage to say, "I'm willing to let you control my breath and movement."
Safe words and signals: In face-sitting, a typical safe word (like "red" to stop) might not be usable... after all, the submissive's mouth is occupied! Therefore, establish a non-verbal safe signal.
Many couples use a tapping system: e.g., three quick taps anywhere on the dom's body (or on the bed) to mean "Stop RIGHT NOW." The sub can keep one hand free for this purpose if other limbs are restrained. You could also try holding something small like a ball or bell that gets dropped as a distress signal.
Whatever you pick, test it before going full throttle. The dominant should remain vigilant for that signal at all times. Additionally, a "slow down" signal can be useful; perhaps two taps for "ease up a bit." This way, it's not all-or-nothing; you can modulate intensity smoothly.
For the dominant: continuously monitor your partner's well-being. Because the sub might be gagged by thighs (quite literally!), you need to watch their body language and breathing.
Real trouble looks like frantic tapping, trembling, or the sub going limp/unresponsive. When in doubt, ease off and check in; doesn't have to break the scene dynamic. Even a stern, in-character "Speak clearly, slave, do you need a break?" while lifting up works.
Breathing and physical safety: By now it's clear: controlling airflow is the most dangerous aspect of face-sitting. Never fully cover the nose and mouth for long unless you explicitly both enjoy breath-play and understand the risks. And even then, you gotta be really careful.
Renowned BDSM safety expert Jay Wiseman warns that any form of erotic asphyxiation (suffocation or strangulation) carries a risk of sudden cardiac arrest with no reliable warning signs.
In other words, it can be far more dangerous than people realize... even if you don't intend to knock someone unconscious, depriving oxygen is inherently risky.
If you choose to incorporate intense smothering, do so in very short bursts and know that you are taking a serious risk. Many dominants prefer to simulate breath control rather than truly cutting off air. The technique is simple: hover so that your inner thighs press the sub's cheeks and your weight feels inescapable, but angle your hips slightly forward so the nose stays clear. You can also shift to one side for two to three seconds, let them gulp a breath, then settle back. The sub feels trapped; the airway stays open.
A little practical tip from sex educator Zachary Zane: he recommends breathing through your nose (rather than mouth) as the default when you're receiving face-sitting. The nose, being narrower, can often sneak a bit of air even if the mouth is fully covered by flesh.
If you find your nose is totally buried, use your hands (if free) to gently adjust your partner's butt cheeks or thighs to clear some space to breathe.
For essential aftercare techniques after intense scenes, consult our BDSM aftercare guide. When you honor that, facesitting femdom truly becomes the ultimate dominance game; one where everyone wins, and no one suffocates.