How to Deepthroat: A Complete Guide for Beginners

Deepthroating is one of those skills surrounded by equal parts mystique and nervous giggles. At its core though, it's just a technique you can pick up with patience and maybe a bit of courage. Like many intimate practices, it requires clear communication and established boundaries to ensure both partners feel comfortable and safe.

What is deep throating?

Deep throating refers to a blow job technique where you take a penis fully into your mouth and throat, so that it passes beyond the usual point that triggers your gag reflex. In plain terms, it means letting your partner’s penis slide all the way in, until the lips are at the base and the tip is down near your throat.

For the giver, deepthroating can feel quite different from a regular blowjob; the sensations, the psychological thrill, and even the emotional intensity can all be amplified. You're engaging parts of your throat that normally have a "no entry" sign, which is why it's often viewed as an "extreme" or "porn-star" move. There's a certain excitement in doing something a little taboo or challenging, and that can be arousing in itself. If you're drawn to exploring taboo fantasies, this might be part of what makes deepthroating psychologically arousing.

It's worth saying up front: deepthroating is completely optional. You don't need to do it to have a hot sex life or to be a "good" lover. Plenty of mind-blowing oral sex involves only the mouth and tongue on the more accessible parts of the penis. So think of deepthroating as a spicy add-on, not a requirement.

Step-by-step guide to deepthroating

Time to blow his mind (and maybe your own).

1. Start with a Sexy Mindset and Communication Before anything goes near your throat, set the tone. Look into his eyes and smile, a confident, cheeky smile that says "I'm excited to pleasure you." If it boosts your mood, say something seductive like, "I've been thinking about tasting you all day," or "I want to feel you deep in my mouth." Use whatever language feels natural and hot to you, whether sweet or explicit. For inspiration on erotic language, check out our guide on submissive dirty talk. Confirm one more time any signals: whisper, "Remember, if I tap twice, pause a sec, okay?" Said in a sultry tone, it just sounds like part of the sexy directives. Mentally, you're telling yourself: This is going to be fun, and I can stop whenever I need.

2. Warm Up with Teasing Kisses and Licks Don't rush straight to the main event. Begin by kissing and licking around his erogenous zones. Kiss him passionately on the lips first, getting you both further aroused and relaxed. Then trail kisses down his body. Let him feel your hot breath on his skin. Now focus on his pelvic area: kiss along his inner thighs, nuzzle the crease where leg meets groin, perhaps plant a soft kiss or two on his testicles. You might even give his balls a gentle suck – which often elicits a gasp and gets him nicely stimulated. All the while, use your hands: one hand can stroke his shaft lightly, keeping him hard and aching for more. The other can roam over his stomach, thighs, or caress his balls in tandem with your mouth. This slow build creates anticipation.

When ready, start licking his penis from base to tip. Swirl around the head (the glans), which is ultra-sensitive. Maybe flick your tongue across that little V underside the tip (the frenulum), that usually makes him shiver. As you lick, try to make eye contact if you can—look up at him through your lashes with a playful or sultry gaze. This visual connection is incredibly erotic and reassuring. It says, "I love doing this to you," without a word. Your partner might already be in heaven from these initial licks and sucks, and we haven't even gotten deep yet! That's the goal: both of you are turned on and craving more. You might notice by now your mouth is nice and wet (all that licking and your own saliva response to arousal). Perfect, you want things slick.

3. Take Him Into Your Mouth, One Inch at a Time Now transition into actual oral sex. Open wide and slowly take the head of his penis into your mouth. Close your lips around it, forming a snug seal, suck gently then a bit harder. Use your tongue lavishly, e.g. press the flat of your tongue against the underside of his shaft as you inch forward. At this stage, only go as deep as is easy and comfortable, probably just the first few inches. Begin a rhythm: slide your mouth up and down that length, lubricating him with saliva. You can use your hand to hold the rest of the shaft that you haven't taken in – stroke it in unison with your mouth movements. This not only provides him consistent pleasure along the entire length, it also means he's not deprived of sensation while you're focusing on gradually going deeper. Essentially, your hand can "bridge the gap" until your lips can reach all the way down.

As you bob your head, get comfortable with that fullness in your mouth. Breathe evenly through your nose. Your free hand can roam over his body or your own – perhaps tweaking your nipples or touching yourself if that turns you on (seeing you pleasure yourself can drive him wild and also signals that you're enjoying this, not just doing it for his sake). Make sure your jaw isn't tensing up; if you feel jaw fatigue, ease up a second and relax. You might say a muffled "Mmm, you taste good," when you pull off for a second. Little sexy affirmations boost both your confidences.

4. Align for Depth, Position Adjustments When you feel ready to try for more depth, adjust your position as needed for optimal alignment. Let's say you started kneeling (Boss's Chair style); check your posture: straight back, head tilted slightly back, chin up. Sometimes just tilting your head differently opens your throat more. If you're doing Bed Surfer, scoot until your head hangs at a comfy angle. You could verbally guide your partner now: "Stand up for me," or "Can we move to the edge of the bed?" Incorporate it into the flow. Once in your chosen position, take a couple of deep breaths. Relax your throat, even do a half-swallow or sigh to loosen up.

Now, aim his penis toward the back of your mouth. A helpful tip: imagine you’re trying to get it so that it slides along the roof of your mouth rather than straight at the back of your throat. The roof (soft palate) is a smoother path into the throat when you tilt right. If kneeling, you might need to raise or lower yourself a bit; if face-up off the bed, you’re likely already aligned. Use one hand to guide the shaft at first. Sometimes angling it slightly downward (toward your throat) as you push forward helps. When you feel the tip approaching your throat and that reflex flaring up, that’s the critical moment to employ your gag suppression tricks: breathe out, hum, and push just a tad further.

5. Go Deeper Gradually, and Embrace the Gag (if it happens) As you push into new territory, do it on an exhale or a continuous hum. You might go an inch farther than before, celebrate that internally! There's often a distinct sensation when you pass the gag point: for some, a brief urge to cough that subsides if you stay calm. If you successfully get a bit of his shaft actually into your throat, you'll feel a fullness in your neck and a sudden closeness of your lips to his base. You can deepthroat in short spurts: taking him deep, holding for a moment (or bobbing shallowly at that deepest point), then pulling back to breathe. Many people do a kind of "deepthroat rhythm" where they oscillate between shallow and deep strokes. For example: three shallow sucks (easy and pleasurable for you both) then one long deep stroke to test your limits, then back to shallow. This up-and-down variation can actually drive your partner insane with pleasure. The change in tightness and depth is very stimulating.

If you do gag at any point, don't panic. Pretty much everyone gags a few times learning this. The key is how you handle it. If it's a mild gag, just a quick "ack" feeling, you might actually keep going, even deliberately gag yourself a little if you're comfortable. Some experienced folks even eroticize the gagging: they like the slight convulsion and the sounds it produces (it can make you produce extra saliva and a guttural moan, which some find hot). In fact, BDSM educator Mollena Williams once noted that "moaning and gagging on purpose" can be advanced play – it adds a kinky, "dirty" thrill. But that's for when you're very comfortable; don't worry about making yourself gag on purpose until you're truly at ease. For now, if you gag and it bothers you, just pull back immediately. Take a breath (or cough if you need). Your eyes might water, that's normal, tears often come with a gag reflex. You can even use that to your advantage: a few tears running down your cheeks, mascara smudged, with you looking up at him, it's a very pornographic and vulnerable image that many find extremely arousing. Understanding degradation kink dynamics can help contextualize these intense visual and auditory elements. If you're okay and ready, smile or chuckle to show you're fine, then go back to it. If the gag was intense, give yourself a longer break. Stroke him with your hand, maybe go back to kissing the tip and catching your breath. There's no rush to prove anything.

A technique to consider: when you've gotten as deep as you can and are about to retreat, swallow while pulling off. This can help suppress any lingering gag as you exit, and it creates a suction that feels great for him. Plus, it reminds your throat what it's supposed to do (swallow) rather than gag.

6. Find Your Rhythm and Add Some Flair By now, you've likely found a motion that works. Work within that range. As you continue bobbing and deepthroating in intervals, start adding personal flair and things that maximize pleasure for both of you. This is where you fully embrace the sensuality of the act:

• Eye Contact & Facial Expressions: Whenever feasible, glance up at him. Lock eyes during a particularly deep stroke. The intensity of that moment, you with your lips stretched around him and eyes watering, can send him close to the edge. Your expression can be sultry, or even a bit playful. Positive reinforcement from you is huge for his arousal.

• Moans and Sounds: Don't hold back those sexy sounds. Moan in your throat as you go down on him. It signals your arousal and the vibrations feel amazing. Even the sloppy sounds, the slick, wet noises of a vigorous blowjob, are erotic to many because it underscores how into it you are. If you're comfortable, you can even let some slightly dirty gagging sounds out when you're deep. A bit of gag noise, a gasp, then going back for more, this can tip some guys over the edge because it's raw and real. (Of course, if he looks concerned, you can give a tiny thumbs-up sign to reassure you’re good and it’s an intentional sexy noise, not distress).

• Use Your Hands Strategically: By now your hand might be a trusty helper on the base. Make sure you're coordinating your hand strokes with your mouth. As your mouth goes down, your hand can twist slightly and follow; as you come up off the shaft, your hand can slide up too, almost as if your mouth was magically a foot long. This continuous stimulation fools the brain. He feels sensation along his whole length at all times. You can also occasionally remove your hand and try to take him completely with your mouth (if you're feeling brave). If you succeed in going lips-to-base even for a second, hold there and maybe poke your tongue out to lick his balls in that fully deep position. That move will probably draw a moaned expletive from him, it's that intense. If you can’t quite reach, no worries – you can always cup his balls with your hand and gently tug or rub them while your mouth is busy.

• Play with the "tip vs. deep" contrast: One advanced pleasure technique is alternating a flurry of shallow, fast tongue-action with occasional deep thrusts. For instance, pull almost entirely off and flick your tongue rapidly over his frenulum and swirl it around the head, basically a tease, then, when he's least expecting, plunge down into a deepthroat stroke, enveloping him in tight wet heat. This contrast of sensations can be mind-blowing. It's like building them up then giving a sudden payoff. You might even tease verbally during a brief pause: pull off, give his tip a kiss and purr, "Ready to go deep again?" Then watch him shiver as you take him back in.

• Dirty Talk and Encouragement: If you can manage to speak (likely in between bouts of sucking), a little explicit encouragement can heighten the eroticism. For example, after a particularly deep go, pull back and murmur while stroking him, "I love feeling you in my throat," or "I want you to fuck my throat, baby, as deep as you can... I can take it." Only say this if you genuinely feel comfortable ramping up intensity, of course. Don't promise more than you can do. But hearing you talk dirty about how you're taking him will light a fire in him. For more ways to express your submission verbally, explore dirty talk for shy submissives. Likewise, listen for his encouragement. He might be moaning your name, or panting things like "Oh god, that's so good…". Use that as fuel. If he whimpers "Don't stop," and you're okay, keep that momentum. If he says "so deep… oh my—," you know you're hitting gold. This feedback loop can put you both in almost a trance of excitement.

7. The Grand Finale (Finishing Smoothly) As with any oral session, you two might eventually approach climax, likely his orgasm in this context. You have choices to make here: Is the goal for him to finish in your mouth/throat? Is he going to pull out and orgasm on your body or elsewhere? There's no right or wrong, it's about your comfort and preference. Deepthroating doesn't obligate you to swallow semen, for instance. If you do want to give him that full porn-star climax (with him coming down your throat), just be prepared for a couple things. When he ejaculates, he might reflexively thrust deep or hold your head. Let him know beforehand not to choke you in the heat of the moment. Ideally, you control the depth at his finish. Perhaps you keep just the head in your mouth or at your throat as he comes, so you can quickly swallow and breathe. Swallowing during his ejaculation can actually help you avoid gagging on the fluid; treat it like gulping down an oyster (weird analogy, I know, but it fits). Lots of thick fluid in your throat, just swallow it in one or two quick gulps. Then take a big breath through your nose. Some of it might dribble out, that's fine, it can look sexy and you can lick it up after.

If swallowing cum isn’t your thing, no problem: you can also finish him off with your hand and mouth combined: maybe you pull back to just sucking the tip (which is very sensitive at orgasm), and stroke his shaft rapidly with your hand to pump the semen out. Aim him so that he either comes onto your tongue (and you spit discreetly after, if you prefer), or onto his own belly (you can consider it decor, haha, or wipe it up sensually). If you don’t want any in your mouth, pull off entirely and hand-stroke him to finish on himself or a towel. You can always make even that sexy – for instance, moan while you watch him spurt, or lick your lips as if you enjoy the view.

In terms of deepthroat specifics for finishing: some guys find the throat contraction during swallowing to be mind-blowing around the head of their penis, so if you can time a swallow or a hum exactly as he orgasms, you might send him to the moon. But frankly, by the time he's coming, you've likely done such a stellar job that he's already beyond caring how you do it. It's all bliss to him. So don't overthink this moment. Do what feels most natural. If you happen to have him deep when he starts coming and it's all good, go with it. If you quickly pull to a safer spot as he spurts, that's fine too.

As he climaxes, listen to his body. He might tense up, moan loudly, perhaps his legs will shake. Keep whatever rhythm or depth you've got until you sense he's fully done (most men get super sensitive right after coming, so that's your cue to stop or be very gentle).

After you've successfully finished him off, slowly slide your mouth off if it's still on him. You can give the tip a final soft kiss or lick, a tender conclusion. Then, look up at him. Probably he's in a state of dumbfounded ecstasy, and you might both burst into smiles or laughter. It's a wonderfully intimate, and sometimes even proud, moment for you as the giver. You did it! Perhaps he's panting something like, "That was incredible... oh my god." Take that praise, you earned it! If talking, he might even blurt out how sexy it was to watch you do that.

Now, slide back up into his arms (or invite him down to yours, depending on position). Share a deep kiss if you're both up for it. Some couples love a post-oral kiss, others might be squeamish about tasting semen if you didn't swallow or rinse. Do what feels right. At least cuddle up and come down from the intense high together. He should absolutely shower you with affection and gratitude. And you should soak in the satisfaction, not just of giving pleasure, but of achieving something you set out to do. Even if it wasn't perfect, you likely made a powerful impression and perhaps even pushed your own boundaries a bit in a good way. For more on post-scene care and emotional connection, read our comprehensive guide to BDSM aftercare.

Techniques for Suppressing Your Gag Reflex

The gag reflex, also known in medical terms as the pharyngeal reflex, is our body's built-in throat guardian. The moment something (like a big penis, or even a toothbrush) touches the back of your tongue, your tonsil area, or your throat, your body may react with a gag or cough. It’s an automatic response meant to prevent choking. This reflex is a helpful friend when a piece of food goes down wrong. But during consensual oral play, that friend can turn into a bit of a party pooper, triggering discomfort or ending the fun prematurely. The good news? You can work with and around your gag reflex. Over time, many people even learn to reflexively suppress it or at least push it further back so they can take things deeper. Here are some techniques to help manage and suppress your gag reflex while deepthroating:

• Slow Desensitization Training: Just like you might stretch a little further each day in yoga, you can gradually desensitize your gag reflex. One common method is using your own fingers or a toothbrush as training tools. With clean hands, gently slide a finger or two toward the back of your tongue—not so far you gag violently, just till you feel that reflex starting. Hold for a few seconds while you breathe through your nose, then remove. You might cough or gag a little at first, but that's fine. After a break, try again, maybe going slightly deeper. Over days or weeks of occasional practice, you may notice you can go further before gagging. The toothbrush variant works similarly: just brush your tongue a bit farther back than usual, till you trigger a slight gag.

• Breathing Techniques: Your breath is one of your best tools against gagging. The gag reflex kicks in harder when you panic or hold your breath, so instead try to inhale deeply and slowly exhale as you take something into your throat. Many people find it easiest to take a partner in as they exhale, because exhaling naturally suppresses the urge to inhale/gasp (which is when gagging often happens). Also, always try to breathe through your nose during deepthroat. If your nose is stuffy, it might be a bad day to attempt this. Clear nasal breathing is key. Some deepthroat pros even synchronize a kind of rhythmic breathing with the motions: for example, take a big inhale when you pull back for a moment, then as you go deep, slowly exhale through the nose, almost like you're sighing contentedly around his shaft. If you do start to gag, don't panic—panicking makes you gasp in, which worsens the gag. Instead, consciously breathe out or hum and pull back a bit.

• Humming or Moaning: Believe it or not, making a sound can help prevent a gag. When you hum or moan, your throat's in a more open, relaxed state, and it occupies the muscles that would otherwise contract in a gag. Plus, humming forces you to exhale slowly (you can't hum while holding your breath), which helps keep the gag reflex at bay. Next time you slide your partner deep, try letting out a low moan or a hum from your throat. Not only can this vibration drive your partner wild with pleasure, it might also relax your gag reflex. Some people like to moan the moment the penis reaches their throat area, effectively "singing through" the urge to gag. It's a bit like distracting your reflex with pleasant vibrations.

• The Left Thumb Trick: This one sounds a little silly, but many people swear by it. It's actually a hack that dentists have used for patients with sensitive gag reflexes during teeth impressions. The idea is that there's a pressure point in your hand that can diminish the gag reflex. The typical method: make a fist with your left hand, with your left thumb tucked inside your fingers. Squeeze firmly around your thumb. For some reason, this pressure can reduce the gag response for a short time. Nobody's 100% sure why it works, perhaps it's just a helpful distraction for your brain, or a quirk of our wiring, but anecdotal reports say it does.

• Mental Focus and Fantasy: Our minds have a powerful influence on our bodies. If you focus on the fear of gagging ("Oh no, it's going to make me puke!"), you're more likely to trigger the reflex out of sheer anxiety. Try instead to refocus your thoughts during the act. Some find it helpful to concentrate on the turn-on, for example, reminding yourself how hot it is that you're doing this, imagining how incredible it must feel for your partner, and basically embracing a bit of the "naughtiness" of the act rather than fearing it. Others go to a sort of zen headspace: almost a meditative focus on breathing and sensation, telling themselves that the throat opening is natural and good. If you're inclined towards power exchange fantasies, you might lean into that now. Maybe you repeat in your mind, "I love being your good girl/boy and taking all of you", or conversely, "I own your pleasure right now"... whatever mental scenarios excite you. For a deeper understanding of the submissive mindset, explore what sub space is and how to access it.

• Practice with Different Objects: If the idea of practicing on your partner right away is too daunting, you can use substitutes that you have more control over. We mentioned a toothbrush and dildo, but even something like a well-washed banana (with the peel on for firmness) can serve for solo practice. Just be gentle and don't actually let go of the banana (nobody wants a piece of fruit accidentally breaking off in their throat!). By practicing with objects, you remove performance pressure, so you can focus fully on technique without worrying about your partner. If you're considering a dildo for practice, check out our guide to choosing thrusting dildos for realistic options.

• Don't be afraid to pull back. The ultimate strategy for gag reflex management is knowing when to stop. If at any point you feel overwhelmed, extremely uncomfortable, or like you might actually vomit, stop. Pull back, take a breather, swallow, calm down. There's no failure in listening to your body. In fact, training yourself to deepthroat is about regularly flirting with your limits, then retreating to let your body adjust. Over time the line will move. But in any given session, if something triggers a harsh gag, honor that limit. Perhaps your partner's just a bit too large, or you angled wrong that time, or your throat's feeling sensitive today, it's fine. Reset and continue with shallower play.

One more encouraging thought: gag reflexes can adapt. Many people who thought they could "never" deepthroat have, with persistent gentle practice, amazed themselves months later by taking their partner all the way.

Should you use throat numbing spray?

When the conversation turns to deepthroating, inevitably someone asks: "What about those numbing sprays? Do they work, and are they safe?" Throat numbing sprays (often sold under names like "Deep Throat Spray" or "GoodHead" spray) contain local anesthetics, ingredients like benzocaine or phenol, that temporarily numb sensation in the throat. They’re basically the same stuff found in over-the-counter sore throat sprays, but marketed to reduce gag reflex for sexual fun.

Do they work? In a word, yes, to an extent. If you spritz the back of your throat with a numbing spray, you'll typically feel a tingly numbness within seconds, and full effect within a minute. This can suppress the tickle that triggers gagging, allowing some people to take a penis deeper than they normally could without coughing. The numbness usually lasts a short while (maybe 15-30 minutes of strong effect, and it tapers off within an hour or two). That’s usually plenty of time for a oral session. So, physically, these sprays can help dull your gag reflex by basically telling those sensitive nerves “shh, calm down for a bit.”

However (and this is a big however), using a numbing spray comes with caveats. Most sex educators and doctors urge caution with these products. Why? Because pain and discomfort are important signals from your body. If you numb them out, you risk pushing past your limits without realizing it—with your throat desensitized, you might not notice you're irritating soft tissues or lacking oxygen till it's more severe.

Now, this isn’t to completely knock throat sprays. They have their devotees. Some performers in the adult industry reportedly use them to pull off those dramatic extreme deepthroat scenes. A spritz or two can be a handy cheat for special occasions or if you’re thisclose to nailing the technique and just want a little help. If you decide to experiment with one, follow the instructions carefully. Usually that means 1-2 sprays to the back of the throat (aim toward the tonsil area), then wait about 30 seconds and spit out any excess liquid (don't just swallow it straight down). By spitting after a short wait, you let it numb locally but avoid ingesting more than necessary. Stick to the recommended dosage (often at most a few times.. And definitely avoid any allergy risks, if you’re allergic to anesthetics like benzocaine (some people are), do not use these sprays.

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A Few Final Thoughts: Deepthroating, like any skill, gets easier and usually more enjoyable the more you do it. Don't be discouraged if you couldn't get all of him in or if you needed to stop sooner than expected. And if not, that's okay too.

Never measure your self-worth by how much penis you can shove down your throat. You're not a circus sword-swallower (and you don't need to be!). As we've emphasized, it's an optional technique. Your partner likely appreciates the effort tremendously, because ultimately it's the feeling of trust and lust you provided that's the real gift. The literal depth is secondary. If you're interested in exploring the broader psychology of pleasing your partner, learn more about the difference between obedience and pleasing in power exchange dynamics.

So the next time you're in the moment and you feel that thrill of "I'm really doing it!", relish it. Your watering eyes, your partner's guttural groans, the slick stretch of your lips around them, it's all part of a very real, very passionate sexual experience. Have fun with deepthroating, keep it safe and consensual, and celebrate every little victory (and even the amusing missteps) along the way. Who knows – with practice, you might just earn that mythical "throat GOAT" title among a select few 😉.