•J & L, founders of BeMoreKinky•Updated:

How to Deepthroat: A Complete Guide for Beginners

Deepthroating is one of those skills surrounded by equal parts mystique and nervous giggles. It's a learnable skill, not a talent you're born with, and it comes down to patience, practice, and clear communication between you and your partner.

Want to explore oral play and power dynamics with confidence? The BeMoreKinky app includes over 30 soft domination activities and 30 impact play positions to help couples experiment with different submission techniques in a structured, consensual way.

What is deep throating?

Deep throating refers to a blow job technique where you take a penis fully into your mouth and throat, past the point that normally triggers your gag reflex, until the lips are near the base and the tip is down in your throat.

For the giver, deepthroating can feel quite different from a regular blowjob; the sensations, the psychological thrill, and even the emotional intensity can all be amplified. Some couples combine deepthroating with orgasm control and edging techniques, using oral worship as part of denial play.

You're engaging parts of your throat that normally have a "no entry" sign, which is why it's often viewed as an "extreme" or "porn-star" move. There's a certain excitement in doing something a little taboo or challenging, and that can be arousing in itself. If you're drawn to exploring taboo fantasies, this might be part of what makes deepthroating psychologically arousing.

It's worth saying up front: deepthroating is completely optional. You don't need to do it to have a hot sex life or to be a "good" lover. Plenty of mind-blowing oral sex involves only the mouth and tongue on the more accessible parts of the penis. So think of deepthroating as a spicy add-on, not a requirement.

Getting ready to deepthroat him

Best positions for deepthroating

Position matters more than most guides let on. Your mouth, pharynx, and esophagus form roughly a 90-degree bend at rest; the right position straightens that angle, which is the single biggest factor in how deep you can comfortably go. Here are the most effective positions, ranked by throat alignment:

  • Bed Surfer (lying face-up, head off the edge): This is the gold standard for depth. Lying on your back with your head hanging slightly off the bed straightens the oral-pharyngeal angle to nearly 180 degrees, the closest you can get to a straight line from lips to throat. Your partner stands or kneels at the edge. Gravity works with you rather than against you, and your partner can control depth more easily. The trade-off: you have less control, so this works best once you trust each other's signals. In our experience, pairing this position with submission positions creates a natural power dynamic that helps both partners relax into their roles.

  • Kneeling (Boss's Chair): The classic. You kneel between your partner's legs while they sit on a chair or the edge of the bed. This gives you full control over depth and pace. Tilt your chin up slightly and lean forward from the hips rather than curling your neck down, which keeps the throat angle open. Good for beginners because you can pull back any time.

  • Side-lying (69 variation): Both partners lie on their sides, heads at opposite ends. This is the most relaxed position for your neck and jaw since gravity isn't pulling your head in any direction. We've found it's harder to go as deep in this position, but sessions can last longer because there's less strain on your neck and jaw. Your partner can also pleasure you simultaneously, which helps relaxation.

  • On all fours: Your partner lies back while you position yourself on hands and knees over them. This gives you good depth control and lets you use your body weight to ease forward. It's also a strong visual for your partner and allows you to arch your back for a more comfortable throat angle.

Before you start, do a quick jaw warm-up: open your mouth wide a few times, gently massage your jaw joints (the hinge points just in front of your ears), and do a few slow open-and-close stretches. This sounds silly, but jaw fatigue is the number one reason people cut sessions short. We tested this ourselves: a 30-second warm-up consistently added 5 to 10 minutes of comfortable play before fatigue set in.

Step-by-step guide to deepthroating

Here's the process we recommend based on what's worked for us and our readers. Time to blow your partner's mind (and maybe your own).

1. Start with a Sexy Mindset and Communication Before anything goes near your throat, set the tone. Look into your partner's eyes and smile, a confident, cheeky smile that says "I'm excited to pleasure you." If it boosts your mood, say something seductive like, "I've been thinking about tasting you all day," or "I want to feel you deep in my mouth." Use whatever language feels natural and hot to you, whether sweet or explicit. For inspiration on erotic language, check out our guide on submissive dirty talk.

Confirm one more time any signals: whisper, "Remember, if I tap twice, pause a sec, okay?" Said in a sultry tone, it just sounds like part of the sexy directives. Mentally, you're telling yourself: This is going to be fun, and I can stop whenever I need.

Partners communicating before trying deepthroating together

2. Warm Up with Teasing Kisses and Licks Don't rush straight to the main event. Begin by kissing and licking around his erogenous zones. Kiss him passionately on the lips first, getting you both further aroused and relaxed. Then trail kisses down his body. Let him feel your hot breath on his skin.

Now focus on his pelvic area: kiss along his inner thighs (the skin there is thinner and more nerve-dense than most people realize), nuzzle the crease where leg meets groin, perhaps plant a soft kiss or two on his testicles. You might even give his balls a gentle suck -- which often elicits a gasp and gets him nicely stimulated. All the while, use your hands: one hand can stroke his shaft lightly, keeping him hard and aching for more. The other can roam over his stomach, thighs, or caress his balls in tandem with your mouth. This slow build creates anticipation.

When ready, start licking his penis from base to tip. Swirl around the head (the glans), which is ultra-sensitive. Maybe flick your tongue across that little V underside the tip (the frenulum), that usually makes him shiver. As you lick, try to make eye contact if you can -- look up at him through your lashes with a playful or sultry gaze. This visual connection is incredibly erotic and reassuring. It says, "I love doing this to you," without a word.

Your partner might already be in heaven from these initial licks and sucks, and we haven't even gotten deep yet! That's the goal: both of you are turned on and craving more. You might notice by now your mouth is nice and wet (all that licking and your own saliva response to arousal). Perfect, you want things slick. Hydration matters here: drink plenty of water beforehand so your saliva stays slippery. A dry mouth from dehydration, alcohol, or certain medications makes deepthroating significantly harder and less comfortable for everyone.

Preparing to deepthroat

3. Take Him Into Your Mouth, One Inch at a Time Now transition into actual oral sex. Open wide and slowly take the head of his penis into your mouth. Close your lips around it, forming a snug seal, suck gently then a bit harder. Use your tongue lavishly, e.g. press the flat of your tongue against the underside of his shaft as you inch forward. At this stage, only go as deep as is easy and comfortable, probably just the first few inches.

Begin a rhythm: slide your mouth up and down that length, lubricating with saliva. Use your hand to hold the rest of the shaft, stroking in unison with your mouth. Your hand "bridges the gap" until your lips can reach all the way down.

As you bob your head, get comfortable with that fullness in your mouth. Your free hand can roam over your partner's body or your own -- perhaps tweaking your nipples or touching yourself if that turns you on (seeing you pleasure yourself can drive your partner wild and signals that you're enjoying this, not just doing it for their sake).

If you feel jaw fatigue, ease up a second and relax. You might say a muffled "Mmm, you taste good," when you pull off for a second. Little sexy affirmations boost both your confidences.

4. Align for Depth, Position Adjustments When you feel ready to try for more depth, adjust your position as needed for optimal alignment. Let's say you started kneeling (Boss's Chair style); check your posture: straight back, head tilted slightly back, chin up. Sometimes just tilting your head differently opens your throat more.

If you're doing Bed Surfer, scoot until your head hangs at a comfy angle. You could verbally guide your partner now: "Stand up for me," or "Can we move to the edge of the bed?" Incorporate it into the flow. Once in your chosen position, take a couple of deep breaths. Relax your throat, even do a half-swallow or sigh to loosen up.

Now, aim his penis toward the back of your mouth. A helpful tip: imagine you're trying to get it so that it slides along the roof of your mouth rather than straight at the back of your throat. The roof (soft palate) is a smoother path into the throat when you tilt right.

If kneeling, you might need to raise or lower yourself a bit; if face-up off the bed, you're likely already aligned. Use one hand to guide the shaft at first, gripping loosely about an inch ahead of your lips so your fingers act as a depth gauge. Sometimes angling it slightly downward (toward your throat) as you push forward helps. When you feel the tip approaching your throat and that reflex flaring up, that's the critical moment to employ your gag suppression tricks: breathe out, hum, and push just a tad further.

5. Go Deeper Gradually, and Embrace the Gag (if it happens) As you push into new territory, do it on an exhale or a continuous hum. You might go an inch farther than before, celebrate that internally! There's often a distinct sensation when you pass the gag point: for some, a brief urge to cough that subsides if you stay calm. If you successfully get a bit of his shaft actually into your throat, you'll feel a fullness in your neck and a sudden closeness of your lips to his base.

You can deepthroat in short spurts: taking him deep for two to three seconds, holding there (or bobbing shallowly at that deepest point), then pulling back to breathe for a full breath cycle before going again. Many people do a kind of "deepthroat rhythm" where they oscillate between shallow and deep strokes. For example: three shallow sucks (easy and pleasurable for you both) then one long deep stroke to test your limits, then back to shallow. This up-and-down variation can actually drive your partner insane with pleasure. The change in tightness and depth is very stimulating.

Everyone gags a few times learning this. The key is how you handle it. A mild gag? You can keep going. Some experienced people even eroticize it: the extra saliva, the guttural moan, the raw intensity. BDSM educator Mollena Williams has noted that "moaning and gagging on purpose" can be advanced play. But save deliberate gagging for when you're truly at ease with the basics.

If a gag bothers you, pull back and breathe. Your eyes might water, that's normal. You can use it to your advantage: tears running down your cheeks while you look up at your partner is a vulnerable, intensely arousing image. Understanding degradation kink dynamics can help contextualize these moments.

If the gag was intense, take a longer break. Stroke with your hand, kiss the tip, catch your breath. When you've gotten as deep as you can and are about to retreat, try swallowing while pulling off: it suppresses lingering gag and creates a suction that feels great for your partner.

6. Find Your Rhythm and Add Some Flair By now, you've likely found a motion that works. Work within that range. As you continue bobbing and deepthroating in intervals, start adding personal flair and things that maximize pleasure for both of you.

This is where you fully embrace the sensuality of the act:

  • Eye Contact & Facial Expressions: Whenever feasible, glance up at him. Lock eyes during a particularly deep stroke. The intensity of that moment, you with your lips stretched around him and eyes watering, can send him close to the edge. Your expression can be sultry, or even a bit playful.

    Positive reinforcement from you is huge for arousal. If your partner responds strongly to verbal encouragement, you may be tapping into a praise kink dynamic.

  • Moans and Sounds: Don't hold back those sexy sounds. Moan in your throat as you go down on him. It signals your arousal and the vibrations feel amazing. Even the sloppy sounds, the slick, wet noises of a vigorous blowjob, are erotic to many because it underscores how into it you are.

    If you're comfortable, you can even let some slightly dirty gagging sounds out when you're deep. A bit of gag noise, a gasp, then going back for more, this can tip some guys over the edge because it's raw and real. (Of course, if he looks concerned, you can give a tiny thumbs-up sign to reassure you're good and it's an intentional sexy noise, not distress).

  • Use Your Hands Strategically: By now your hand might be a trusty helper on the base. Make sure you're coordinating your hand strokes with your mouth. As your mouth goes down, your hand can twist slightly and follow; as you come up off the shaft, your hand can slide up too, almost as if your mouth was magically a foot long. This continuous stimulation fools the brain. He feels sensation along his whole length at all times.

    You can also occasionally remove your hand and try to take him completely with your mouth (if you're feeling brave). If you succeed in going lips-to-base even for a second, hold there and maybe poke your tongue out to lick his balls in that fully deep position. That move will probably draw a moaned expletive from him, it's that intense. If you can't quite reach, no worries -- you can always cup his balls with your hand and gently tug or rub them while your mouth is busy.

  • Play with the "tip vs. deep" contrast: One advanced pleasure technique is alternating a flurry of shallow, fast tongue-action with occasional deep thrusts. For instance, pull almost entirely off and flick your tongue rapidly over his frenulum and swirl it around the head, basically a tease, then, when he's least expecting, plunge down into a deepthroat stroke, enveloping him in tight wet heat. This contrast of sensations can be mind-blowing.

    It's like building them up then giving a sudden payoff. You might even tease verbally during a brief pause: pull off, give his tip a kiss and purr, "Ready to go deep again?" Then watch him shiver as you take him back in.

  • Dirty Talk and Encouragement: If you can manage to speak (likely in between bouts of sucking), a little explicit encouragement can heighten the eroticism. For example, after a particularly deep go, pull back and murmur while stroking him, "I love feeling you in my throat," or "I want you to fuck my throat, baby, as deep as you can... I can take it." Only say this if you genuinely feel comfortable ramping up intensity, of course. Don't promise more than you can do. But hearing you talk dirty about how you're taking him will light a fire in him.

    For more ways to express your submission verbally, explore dirty talk for shy submissives. Likewise, listen for his encouragement. He might be moaning your name, or panting things like "Oh god, that's so good...". Use that as fuel. If he whimpers "Don't stop," and you're okay, keep that momentum. If he says "so deep... oh my--," you know you're hitting gold. This feedback loop can put you both in almost a trance of excitement.

Covered in cum after deepthroating and loving it

7. The Grand Finale (Finishing Smoothly) As with any oral session, you two might eventually approach climax, likely your partner's orgasm in this context. You have choices to make here: Is the goal for him to finish in your mouth/throat? Is he going to pull out and orgasm on your body or elsewhere?

There's no right or wrong, it's about your comfort and preference. Deepthroating doesn't obligate you to swallow semen, for instance.

If you do want to give him that full porn-star climax (with him coming down your throat), just be prepared for a couple things. When he ejaculates, he might reflexively thrust deep or hold your head. Let him know beforehand not to choke you in the heat of the moment. Ideally, you control the depth at his finish.

Perhaps you keep just the head in your mouth or at your throat as he comes, so you can quickly swallow and breathe. Swallowing during his ejaculation can actually help you avoid gagging on the fluid; treat it like gulping down an oyster (weird analogy, I know, but it fits).

Lots of thick fluid in your throat, just swallow it in one or two quick gulps. Then take a big breath through your nose. Some of it might dribble out, that's fine, it can look sexy and you can lick it up after.

If swallowing cum isn't your thing, no problem: you can also finish him off with your hand and mouth combined: maybe you pull back to just sucking the tip (which is very sensitive at orgasm), and stroke his shaft rapidly with your hand to pump the semen out.

Aim him so that he either comes onto your tongue (and you spit discreetly after, if you prefer), or onto his own belly (you can consider it decor, haha, or wipe it up sensually).

If you don't want any in your mouth, pull off entirely and hand-stroke him to finish on himself or a towel. You can always make even that sexy -- for instance, moan while you watch him spurt, or lick your lips as if you enjoy the view.

In terms of deepthroat specifics for finishing: some guys find the throat contraction during swallowing to be mind-blowing around the head of their penis, so if you can time a swallow or a hum exactly as he orgasms, you might send him to the moon. But frankly, by the time he's coming, you've likely done such a stellar job that he's already beyond caring how you do it. It's all bliss to him. So don't overthink this moment. Do what feels most natural. If you happen to have him deep when he starts coming and it's all good, go with it. If you quickly pull to a safer spot as he spurts, that's fine too.

As he climaxes, listen to his body. He might tense up, moan loudly, perhaps his legs will shake. Keep whatever rhythm or depth you've got until you sense he's fully done (most men get super sensitive right after coming, so that's your cue to stop or be very gentle).

After you've successfully finished him off, slowly slide your mouth off if it's still on him. You can give the tip a final soft kiss or lick, a tender conclusion. Then, look up at him. Probably he's in a state of dumbfounded ecstasy, and you might both burst into smiles or laughter.

It's a wonderfully intimate, and sometimes even proud, moment for you as the giver. You did it! Perhaps he's panting something like, "That was incredible... oh my god." Take that praise, you earned it! If talking, he might even blurt out how sexy it was to watch you do that.

Now, slide back up into his arms (or invite him down to yours, depending on position). Share a deep kiss if you're both up for it. Some couples love a post-oral kiss, others might be squeamish about tasting semen if you didn't swallow or rinse. Do what feels right. At least cuddle up and come down from the intense high together.

He should absolutely shower you with affection and gratitude. And you should soak in the satisfaction, not just of giving pleasure, but of achieving something you set out to do. Even if it wasn't perfect, you likely made a powerful impression and perhaps even pushed your own boundaries a bit in a good way. For more on post-scene care and emotional connection, read our comprehensive guide to BDSM aftercare.

Couple cuddling and providing aftercare following deepthroat session

Techniques for Suppressing Your Gag Reflex

The gag reflex (pharyngeal reflex) is your body's built-in choking prevention. Anything touching the back of your tongue or throat can trigger it. The good news? You can train it. Over time, many people learn to suppress or push back their gag reflex significantly. Here are the most effective techniques:

  • Slow Desensitization Training: You can gradually desensitize your gag reflex with regular, gentle practice. Use your own fingers or a toothbrush as training tools. With clean hands, slide a finger toward the back of your tongue until you feel the reflex start. Hold for a few seconds while breathing through your nose, then remove. Over days or weeks, you'll notice you can go further before gagging.

  • Breathing Techniques: The gag reflex gets worse when you panic or hold your breath. The key rhythm: inhale deeply when you pull back, then exhale slowly through your nose as you go deep. Many people find it easiest to take a partner in as they exhale, because exhaling naturally suppresses the urge to gasp. If your nose is stuffy, it might be a bad day to attempt deepthroating. If you do start to gag, consciously breathe out or hum and pull back a bit rather than gasping inward.

  • Humming or Moaning: When you hum or moan, your throat stays in a more open, relaxed state, and it forces you to exhale (you can't hum while holding your breath). Try letting out a low moan as the penis reaches your throat area, effectively "singing through" the urge to gag. The vibrations feel incredible for your partner and keep your gag reflex at bay.

  • The Left Thumb Trick: Make a fist with your left hand, tucking your thumb inside your fingers, and squeeze firmly. Dentists have used this for patients with sensitive gag reflexes during teeth impressions. The pressure point may work by distracting your brain from the gag trigger. A 2008 study in the Journal of the American Dental Association found that applied pressure on the palm moved the gag trigger point further back in all subjects, lending clinical support to the trick.

  • Mental Focus and Fantasy: Anxiety amplifies the gag reflex. If you're focused on the fear of gagging, you're more likely to trigger it. Instead, redirect your thoughts to what's arousing about the act, how incredible it feels for your partner, or the "naughtiness" of the moment.

    If you're into power exchange, we've found that leaning into that headspace makes a real difference. Repeat something like "I love being your good girl/boy and taking all of you" or "I own your pleasure right now." Some people enter a meditative focus on breathing and sensation, almost like sub space, where the throat opening feels natural rather than threatening.

  • Practice with Different Objects: If practicing on your partner right away feels too daunting, use substitutes you have more control over: a dildo, or even a well-washed banana (peel on for firmness, and keep a firm grip on it). Solo practice removes performance pressure so you can focus on technique. If you're considering a dildo, check out our guide to choosing thrusting dildos for realistic options.

  • Know When to Pull Back. If you feel overwhelmed or like you might vomit, stop. Pull back, breathe, swallow, calm down. Training is about flirting with your limits and then retreating to let your body adjust. Over time the line will move, but honor where it is today.

Gag reflexes adapt. We hear this from readers constantly: people who thought they could "never" deepthroat have, with persistent gentle practice over six to eight weeks, amazed themselves by taking their partner all the way.

Should you use throat numbing spray?

Throat numbing sprays (sold under names like "Deep Throat Spray" or "GoodHead") contain local anesthetics like benzocaine or phenol that temporarily suppress the gag reflex. They kick in within seconds and last roughly 15-30 minutes, which is plenty for most sessions.

The catch: most sex educators and doctors urge caution. Pain and discomfort are important signals. With your throat numbed, you risk irritating soft tissues or pushing past your limits without realizing it. You also lose the body’s natural warning system for oxygen deprivation.

If you do try one, spray 1-2 times toward the tonsil area, wait 30 seconds, and spit out excess liquid. Stick to the recommended dosage and check for benzocaine allergies first. We'd recommend treating it as a training-wheels option for special occasions rather than a long-term strategy.

Throat recovery: what to do after

A sore or scratchy throat after deepthroating is common, especially when you're still learning. Here's how to take care of yourself:

  • Warm water or tea with honey soothes irritated tissue. We've found that avoiding very hot or very cold drinks for the first hour or so helps recovery.
  • Avoid clearing your throat aggressively. It feels instinctive but forces your vocal cords to slam together, which increases irritation. Sip water instead.
  • Mild soreness that lasts a few hours is normal, based on what we and our readers have experienced. If soreness persists beyond 24 hours, or if you notice any bleeding or difficulty swallowing, take a break from practice and see a doctor if it doesn't resolve.
  • Throat lozenges (non-numbing, honey-based ones) can help if things feel raw afterward.
  • Space out your practice sessions. Daily deepthroat training can leave your throat chronically irritated. A few times a week with rest days in between is more effective and sustainable.

Throat recovery ties into broader aftercare practices. Checking in with each other emotionally after an intense oral session matters just as much as the physical recovery.

A Few Final Thoughts: Deepthroating gets easier and more enjoyable with practice. Most people we've worked with notice a clear shift in comfort after their fourth or fifth session. Don't be discouraged if you couldn't get all the way down or needed to stop early. From reader feedback, we know your partner appreciates the effort because the real gift is the trust and desire you showed, not the literal depth.

For those interested in combining oral techniques with intense sensation play, our guides to orgasm torture and forced orgasm fantasy fiction explore complementary dynamics. And if you're curious about the broader psychology of pleasing your partner, learn more about the difference between obedience and pleasing in power exchange dynamics.

The next time you feel that thrill of "I'm really doing it!", relish it. Your watering eyes, your partner's guttural groans, the slick stretch of your lips around them, it's all part of a very real, very passionate experience. Celebrate every little victory along the way. Who knows, with practice, you might just earn that mythical "throat GOAT" title among a select few.