Men and Foreplay: The Stuff Guys Actually Want Before Sex

Say the word foreplay and people start talking about women. How women need it. How women take longer to warm up. As if foreplay is this generous act that men nobly perform for the benefit of their female partners before the 'real' sex begins. And honestly? It's nonsense. It does a disservice to everyone involved, but especially to men, because it erases the fact that many men crave foreplay, benefit enormously from it, and are having worse sex than they need to because nobody told them they're allowed to want it.

I've spoken with enough men over the years (partners, friends, people who've opened up in DMs or late-night conversations) to know that a lot of them wish there was more before the main event. More touching. More build-up. More of the slow-burn stuff that makes sex hit harder when it finally happens. They say it like they're confessing to something daft: they like being touched, teased, worked up. That's not weird. They're just not represented in the tired old script that says men are simple, men are always ready, men don't need warming up.

They do.

So yes, let's bin the myth. Foreplay matters to him.

Foreplay Is for Men Too, and Yes, They Want It

Let's get this out of the way: foreplay is absolutely for men, too. Society paints men as sexual microwaves: press a button and ding, they're ready. This caricature is lazy and, frankly, harmful. I've watched it play out for years, this assumption that men don't need or want the build-up, that they should just be grateful to be having sex at all. It's rubbish. Plenty of men enjoy unhurried kissing, teasing touch, and a slow build far more than a race to the finish.

The research version is less poetic but useful: a study of 427 healthy men found that partnered sex lined up with higher arousal, erection, orgasm, and sexual satisfaction, while orientation and casual-sex orientation mattered much less. So no, wanting warm-up and relational spark is not some niche exception; relationship context can genuinely shape how well men's bodies respond.

One man, in an informal poll, described sex without foreplay as "like going to get ice cream and only ordering plain vanilla." Nothing wrong with vanilla (I'll defend vanilla to my grave), but why skip the sprinkles and hot fudge if you can have them? Most men haven't "gotten the memo" that they're supposed to dislike foreplay, because that memo doesn't reflect reality. It reflects a cultural script that's been written for men, not by them.

"Most of us guys love foreplay because it makes sex that much better," one man confessed online. Another admitted, "Since I've been in a long-term relationship, sometimes just one of us being 'in the mood' isn't enough to ignite the other's fire. Some nice, sexy touching can really do wonders." In other words, foreplay can light the spark when life has dampened desire. Which it does. Life is excellent at dampening desire.

And here's the thing that doesn't get talked about nearly enough: foreplay offers men something they often deeply want but almost never ask for outright: the feeling of being desired. Not tolerated. Not permitted to have sex. Actually wanted. There's a world of difference between "fine, let's do it" and someone pulling you close like they've been thinking about it all day. As sexuality educator Carol Queen puts it, "Couples are happiest when each person is consistently reminded that their partner loves and desires them". Foreplay is one of the most powerful ways to send that message. A lingering kiss, a playful grab while someone's doing the washing up, a sultry text in the middle of the day; these all tell a person "I want you" in technicolour. That validation isn't just emotionally satisfying; it's a massive turn-on.

Men might not always say "I need foreplay" in so many words; social conditioning and macho stereotypes die hard.

What Foreplay Actually Means Beyond "Just Before Sex"

Here's part of the problem: we define foreplay far too narrowly. We treat it like a perfunctory pit stop: a few minutes of obligatory touching before the 'real' sex starts. That framing sells foreplay so short it's criminal.

Foreplay is whatever wakes desire up before, during, or instead of penetration. A kiss that lingers past the polite part. A scratch down the back. A filthy little comment. That look across a room. Slow undressing. Counts, counts, counts. Foreplay can happen hours before sex. It can be sex by itself. It can be sweet and tender, or absolutely filthy and adventurous. It might lead to intercourse, or it might be the main event that ends in climax (or just contented, slightly sweaty snuggles; those count too).

The idea that foreplay is separate from sex is a false divide, and one that frankly annoys the hell out of me. Many sex experts prefer the term "outercourse" to emphasise that oral sex, manual stimulation, grinding, and so on are sex in their own right. A long oral session or a mutual erotic massage is sex; it's just not penetrative sex. A passionate make-out session that leads to a blissful finish via hands or mouths is just as valid as intercourse.

Crucially, foreplay isn't only physical. Emotional and psychological foreplay are huge, arguably bigger than the physical stuff. A flirty smile across the room, a compliment that makes someone feel sexy, an inside joke that creates a private spark; these set the stage in the mind long before any clothes come off. There's a reason the old saying exists: "Sex begins in the mind." Kink educator Midori often reminds us that the brain is our biggest sex organ; all the fancy techniques in the world mean nothing if the desire isn't there. And she's right. When your minds are already teasing each other, even a tiny touch has somewhere to land.

Do not make it a rushed checklist (kiss, nipple touch, maybe oral if we're feeling generous, done). Make it the stuff that pulls you closer or gets you more turned on. Maybe that's a stupidly flirty truth-or-dare game. A shared bubble bath. Slow dancing in the living room to something ridiculous. Reading erotica to each other. A striptease (good, bad, or hilariously clumsy). Five minutes, five hours, whatever. The point is not the stopwatch; it's whether you both feel pulled into it. Once foreplay stops being the annoying preamble, you start noticing it everywhere: in the soft touch on his neck while you cook together, in the wink across the party that says "just wait until later."

Why Some Men Need Time to Get in the Mood

A man does not always turn into a ready-to-go lover the second the lights go down. Life is stressful. Work deadlines, financial worries, the sheer mental exhaustion of a long day, all of that can mean men aren't always "instantly horny" on demand. They're expected to be, of course. But expectation and reality are very different beasts.

Many men experience what sex therapists call "responsive desire." Their arousal responds to erotic stimulation rather than appearing out of nowhere like spontaneous lightning. For responsive desire, foreplay is not a bonus round. It's what gets the engine to catch. Skip it, and you may end up getting annoyed at a body that never had time to warm up.

Research on sexual motivation in adults aged 57-85 gets at the same thing: wanting to pursue sex and being open when a partner initiates were separate patterns, and both went with more frequent sex. Desire is not always a lightning bolt; sometimes it is an invitation he can answer once the context feels right.

A work-brain at 8:00 rarely becomes a sex-brain at 8:05 just because someone looked hopeful. Not for anyone. Some men need a little runway into sex, and that is not a character flaw. A slow lead-in (a backrub, some gentle kissing, undressing slowly, a warm shower together) can do wonders to relax someone and awaken their sexual energy.

Age plays into it as well. A man in his late teens or early twenties might have gotten aroused at the slightest breeze (a stiff wind, a slightly suggestive cereal advert, who knows), but as men hit their 30s, 40s, and beyond, the sexual response can mellow. It doesn't mean the desire is gone; it means the pathway to arousal may be longer and benefit from more stimulation. Fine by me. The slow climb is often the good bit. The sprint matters less; the getting-there starts to be half the fun. Jack Morin's The Erotic Mind makes a useful point: a little anticipation, even a small obstacle, can make desire sharper. For a stressed or tired man, that "obstacle" might simply be the mental clutter of the day. When a loving partner helps clear that away, by creating a calm, sexy atmosphere or simply saying "don't worry, let me take care of you tonight", arousal can come roaring back.

There's the physical side too. Ample foreplay increases blood flow, heart rate, and engorgement. Rushing can short-circuit all of that. Men who experience occasional erectile difficulty often find that pressure to perform quickly makes it worse; and ironically, letting go of the hurry often improves sexual function. When a man feels free to enjoy foreplay without the clock ticking, he can relax. And relaxation is where arousal lives.

Emotionally, men sometimes need foreplay to feel safe enough to let go. We barely talk about men needing emotional safety in sex. It sounds, to some people, like the wrong gendered script. Still true, though. A few minutes of eye contact, kissing, or just being held can tell him this is not only about getting off. It's care. And once he feels that, he might open up sexually in ways he wouldn't if things were purely goal-oriented.

What Men Often Like During Foreplay

Right, let's get into the fun part: what kinds of foreplay do men actually enjoy? No universal playbook. Anyone selling one is lying. Still, when men talk honestly (surveys, forums, late-night conversations with the bravado finally dropped), the same requests keep showing up:

• Proper Make-Outs: A surprising number of men miss proper make-out sessions once a relationship settles down. And it's such a shame, because kissing (really kissing, bodies pressed together, fingers in hair, nibbling at a lower lip) can be intensely arousing. One man shared that kissing with tongue while gently scratching the back of his head is a guaranteed way to get him revved up. Another said, "When she kisses my neck slowly, I basically turn to putty." The neck, ears, and collarbone are sensitive for many men. A few gentle nibbles or warm breaths there? Delicious shivers. I maintain that a truly great kiss is one of the most underrated sexual experiences there is.

• Touching Beyond the Obvious: Yes, most men enjoy genital stimulation (shocker). But a huge number of men say the hottest foreplay starts away from the penis and slowly works inward. Tease the other erogenous zones first: nails lightly down his back, a shoulder massage, circles on his chest. Some men have very sensitive nipples; don't assume they don't just because nobody's ever bothered to find out. His inner thighs are another hot spot. As one Reddit user put it, "The suspense of her hands roaming everywhere except there drives me wild, in the best way." Teasing is key here. By touching around the most sensitive areas first, you build anticipation that makes the eventual direct touch far more explosive.

• Oral, Both Ways: Plenty of men put oral sex near the top. The nice surprise: giving can be just as hot as receiving. Knowing they're turning someone on turns them on. Fancy that. Oral can be a two-way street in foreplay, or something you take turns with. Some couples even make oral the main act, delaying intercourse or skipping it entirely, which can take pressure off and amplify the excitement enormously.

• Massages and Slow Touch: A sensual massage works on multiple levels. It relaxes tense muscles (helping that transition from work-mode I mentioned earlier), establishes loads of skin-to-skin contact (releasing all those feel-good chemicals), and is essentially full-body foreplay in disguise. Warm oil, kneading the shoulders, rubbing his back and thighs; men carry a lot of tension in their neck and back, and feeling those knots worked out is bliss. Then, as he unwinds, you can gradually incorporate more erotic strokes. By the time he turns over, he's usually in a very happy, very turned-on trance. Lovely stuff.

• A Bit of a Show: Give him something to look at, in the least porn-director way possible. That might be the outfit you already feel wicked in, a ridiculous two-song striptease, or letting him watch while you touch yourself. The hot part is the invitation. One man said his favourite foreplay moment is "when she enters the room in just her underwear, gives me a sly smile, and beckons me over; my brain nearly short-circuits." The point isn't perfection. It's desire, made visible.

• Words That Hit: Words can do a lot. Put your mouth near his ear and say the thing you are trying not to blurt out. If compliments feel easier, make them bodily and specific rather than greeting-card sweet. They tell him you're not just present; you're into him. For those who enjoy raunchy talk, well, describing what you want to do to someone (or want done to you) tends to accelerate things rather quickly. One man shared that when his partner "uses her confident voice to tell me exactly what she's going to do to me, I basically lose it." I love that. The confident voice. Something about someone who knows what they want and says so? Absolutely irresistible.

• Light Dominance or Submission Games: A good number of men fantasise about a bit of power play in foreplay, and I mean this in the broadest sense. It doesn't have to involve handcuffs (though it absolutely can, and I heartily encourage it if you're both into that). It can be as simple as one of you playfully taking charge. Many men secretly enjoy when a partner pushes them onto the bed and climbs on top, or pins their hands down during a kiss. On the flip side, some relish being the one in control: holding wrists, setting the pace, telling you exactly what's going to happen. Midori and Janet Hardy both come back to the same boring-but-necessary point: power play only works when it is chosen. Once you've got that, even mild stuff can add a wicked little charge. Start tiny if you're curious: a light spank, wrists held down, a ten-second roleplay scene. Talk limits first. Safe word if needed. The heat is better when nobody's guessing.

• Toys and Props: Some men like sex toys or props in the build-up. And no, toys are not "for women"; that myth can go in the bin. A vibrating toy on his inner thighs or perineum can drive him wild. Blindfolds are brilliantly simple; when he can't see, every touch feels more intense and unexpected. In our BeMoreKinky preference data, "Place a soft blindfold" landed at 97.5% yes/maybe, while "Wear a soft blindfold" reached 96.9% yes/maybe, a useful reminder that many couples want foreplay to feel like discovery, not a rush toward penetration. One man recounted how his partner blindfolded him with a silk scarf and then alternated ice cubes and warm kisses across his body; he described it as "mind-blowing, my whole skin was goosebumps." For those open to it, a prostate massager during foreplay can produce insanely pleasurable sensations and stronger orgasms, but it's a very personal preference and one that requires a conversation first. Treat toys as shared mischief, not as a stand-in for anyone.

These are common favourites, not a menu every man orders from. One guy melts when you play with his hair; another wants it pulled. So ask. You can ask.

Ask Him, Don't Guess: How to Learn His Turn-Ons

The best foreplay advice is still the least sexy sentence: talk. Yes, "communication is key" has been said to death. Annoyingly, it keeps coming up because it works. Talking is often the gap between "fine" sex and properly good sex. Simple, but people still freeze up when it is time to say what they like. Maybe out of fear of offending, maybe out of embarrassment. Maybe because it feels like admitting you don't already know, and who wants to admit that?

If you were cooking his favourite meal, you'd ask what he actually likes. You would not dump extra chilli in everything and then sulk when he picked it out. Yet people do exactly that in bed, trying to mind-read and then wondering why the mood goes a bit meh.

Ask him, for real. Not like a clinical survey, more like two people planning something delicious together. "What's something you really love as foreplay that maybe we haven't done in a while?" or "We always do XYZ; do you secretly wish I'd do more of something else?" Asking can be hot on its own because it says, "I care what feels good for you."

If he gets shy, give him choices. "Which would turn you on more: me starting with a massage, or me kissing down your stomach?" You can also encourage him to show you, guide his hands to your body, then say, "Now show me how you like to be touched." This kind of playful demonstration is foreplay, and rather hot foreplay at that.

As sex columnist Dan Savage often says, "GGG" (good, giving, and game) partners communicate openly and are willing to try each other's fantasies, but that starts with knowing what those fantasies are.

Sometimes a man might not even be sure what he likes, especially if past partners always took the same approach and nobody ever thought to ask. That is where experimenting helps. No exam vibes. Frame it like an exploration: try different touches, encourage feedback. Some couples use a simple system borrowed from BDSM (green for yes, more of that; yellow for ease up; red for stop), which doesn't have to be clinical at all. You can laugh your way through it. The point is making honesty feel safe, where saying "actually, I don't love that" isn't a rejection, it's useful information that makes the next time better.

That flexibility has a research backbone too: a 2025 study found trait sexual desire predicted momentary arousal, but the pattern shifted with gender, what the person was responding to, and relationship status. In plain English: preferences are real, but they are not carved into stone. Context changes what lands.

Share your own wants too. Nobody enjoys being the only one confessing. When you say, "I love it when you kiss my neck slowly; it drives me mad," you show him that preferences are useful, sexy information. Positive reinforcement works absolute wonders.

If there's a desire disparity (say he wants foreplay but is afraid to ask because he thinks you don't enjoy it, or vice versa), put that concern on the table gently. Men sometimes hold back on asking for more foreplay out of worry they'll be seen as "needy." (There's that cultural script again, doing its damage.) Tell him plainly: "I like this. Let's not rush." If he tends to skip foreplay, turn it into want: "I love it when we fool around before we get going. It gets me so much hotter." That's much harder to argue with.

Simply asking, then actually listening, tells you things guessing never will. He might have been dreaming of something he never mentioned: maybe he wishes you'd blindfold him, or wants more playful kissing, or has a thing for stockings. You do not find that out by staring at the ceiling and hoping for telepathy. Once you know, you can build foreplay around him, not around some generic script.

Foreplay Ideas to Start Before the Bedroom

Who says foreplay has to begin at bedtime? Some of the most effective, tantalising foreplay starts hours, or even days, before you actually get physical. Think of it as planting erotic seeds throughout the day that you harvest later when you're together. The anticipation that builds can turn a mundane Tuesday night into something properly sizzling.

No grand gesture required. Most of this slips into ordinary life just fine:

• A Text He Should Not Open in a Meeting: If he's at work or running errands, send one line with teeth in it. "Guess what colour underwear I'm not wearing today…" is one direction; "Can't wait to kiss you later" is another. Go filthy, if that is your thing. The idea is to let him know intimacy is on your mind; that he's on your mind. Even a simple "Thinking of last night… ;)" can spark his imagination at midday. Sexting can massively increase excitement for both of you as you anticipate seeing each other later. If you want help getting the tone right, here is how to sext in a way you will both enjoy. You're creating a private little world between you that runs in parallel to your ordinary, boring day. And that is hot.

• Little Love Notes: If sexy texting feels risky (or his phone lights up where it shouldn't), go analogue: a note in his pocket, or an email about a dream you had. Men enjoy feeling desired mentally just as much as physically; don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

• Physical Affection in Passing: Don't save all the touch for the bedroom. When you walk past him in the kitchen, slide a hand across his back. When you greet each other after work, give a longer-than-usual kiss, the kind that says I missed you rather than just hello. On the couch, tuck yourself against him and leave your hand on his chest for a while. His body gets the hint early: something nice is brewing. Think of it as pre-heating the oven; later, it won't take as long to get things hot because you never went completely cold.

• Date Night Atmosphere: Sometimes foreplay starts by making the room less hostile to sex. If you both usually collapse into bed in sweats and scroll until someone passes out (no judgement, we've all been there), change the pattern. TV off, music on, lights low. Maybe say, "No phones tonight after 9, let's focus on us." A change of environment works too: go out for dinner, hold hands and flirt like you did when you first started seeing each other. Then bed does not have to do all the work.

• Compliments He Will Replay Later: Try the kind that leaves an image behind: "You look fit in that shirt; makes me want to peel it off you later." Later version: "Remember that time we made out in the car? We should relive that." Feeling attractive helps people get turned on; a real compliment can do more than you think. And most of us under-compliment our partners anyway. It costs nothing and the payoff is enormous.

The effect of starting foreplay before the bedroom is that by the time you're actually alone together, there's a sense of finally. Instead of "So, shall we?" it's "Finally, we get to." He's been gradually turned on rather than feeling pressured to spark from zero to 100 in an instant.

Not every day will allow this kind of simmering build-up, of course. Still, drop a few of these into an ordinary week and you may see the mood change outside bed as well: more warmth, more little looks, less of that flat roommate energy. Because, surprise, he's enjoying the romance and attention as much as you are.

Touch, Kissing, and Whole-Body Exploration for Men

Back to the body: touching and kissing. I keep saying this because the opposite message is everywhere: men are not just a penis delivery system. From head to toe, there are opportunities to give a man pleasure and goosebumps, if you take the time to actually explore. And I mean explore, not rush through to get to the bit you think matters most.

Start at the top. Running fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp, kissing along his jawline and behind his ears; lots of men absolutely love this. A slow make-out, with little breaks to kiss his neck or bite an earlobe, can undo a man. The pause makes him want your mouth back. The pull-away is where the tension lives.

Shoulders, arms, and hands. Don't skip these. Kissing along shoulder blades, lightly biting where neck meets shoulder; these can send jolts of erotic energy through him. One man described it as "surprisingly intense when she kissed down my arm; I never knew my forearms could feel erotic." Because nobody told him they could. Nobody bothered to find out. Holding his hand and sucking his fingertips one by one is oddly intimate and hot; it mimics what you might do elsewhere and sends a very clear message.

Chest and torso. The chest can be a playground. Circle his pecs with your tongue, plant slow kisses across his sternum, maybe a gentle bite if he likes a pinch of pain with his pleasure. Pay attention to his nipples, about 50% of men report enjoying nipple stimulation, and some find it extremely arousing. Start softly: a tongue flick, a thumb rub. If he inhales sharply or moans, stay there a bit. His body will usually tell you whether that zone is worth revisiting.

Kissing down from his chest to his navel, maybe dipping your tongue in the belly button, can cause all sorts of delicious squirms. Kiss around the waistband of his underwear, the crease where thigh meets pelvis, without touching his genitals yet. For a lot of men, that is the maddening part: you're close enough that his hips start chasing your mouth, but you still have not given in. The tease earns its keep.

Inner thighs and legs. The inner thigh is an erotic superhighway that gets criminally overlooked. Use your hands, lips, even drag your hair across his thighs. The skin is thinner there and very receptive. Kiss a trail upward, get deliciously close, then back off and take a detour to the other thigh, teasing, again. By the time you actually reach his penis, he'll likely be quivering. That's the reward for patience, for both of you.

Back and buttocks. Trace your tongue or fingertips down his spine. Scratch or massage the lower back, right above the bum; it often elicits groans of pleasure and sits near many nerves that connect to the pelvis. And yes, his bum counts. Plenty of men like a firm grab there, or a light spank, even if they'd rather perish than announce it over breakfast. If he seems curious about anything anal-adjacent, pause and ask; go slow, use care, and remember that nerves do not care about gender stereotypes.

And yes, the genitals. After the rest of him has had some attention, then make your way there. At that point, a hand or mouth on him usually lands much harder than it would have at the start. Even then, vary it. Don't settle into one speed. Vary pressure and pacing; responsiveness can skyrocket when it's not monotonous.

Try this gently: while your mouth is busy elsewhere, press or rub the perineum, the spot between testicles and anus. Some men feel that as a deep, prostate-adjacent throb. Be gentle at first.

Include his testicles if he enjoys it; some men love having them fondled or licked, others need a lighter touch. Cradle them in your hand, see how he responds. Always be careful with teeth around that area. A Reddit user put the warning plainly: "Teeth on my balls is an instant mood killer, trust me."

The theme here is exploration. Treat his body like a map where every region could have hidden treasure. A lovely exercise is to set aside a session where you say, "Tonight is all about you; I'm going to explore every inch of you; all you have to do is enjoy." Men so often get the message that they should be the "doers" in sex. How liberating it can be for him to just lie back and be thoroughly explored.

As you roam, listen to his reactions. Breathing speeding up when you kiss his neck? Low groan when you licked his nipple? Hips pushing forward when your hand grazed his thigh? Those are your green lights. If he tenses up or pulls away, that area might be ticklish or not a turn-on; no drama, just move elsewhere. Bodies have their own weird little yes/no lists.

Full-body touch also builds a kind of trust that race-to-the-finish sex rarely gets near. Letting someone kiss your eyelids or stroke your feet is oddly vulnerable. By cherishing all of him, you send the message that you accept and adore him completely. Many men in candid interviews have said things like, "It's not just about turning me on; when she takes her time with me like that, it makes me feel loved." And honestly, I think that's what foreplay is really about. Pleasure and care, all tangled up together. They were never separate things.

What To Say: Compliments, Sexting, and Dirty Talk

Good foreplay isn't only about hands and lips. Sometimes what you say (or type, or moan) ignites desire just as powerfully as any physical touch. For a lot of men, hearing explicit desire from their partner is a serious aphrodisiac. If touch is the body's appetiser, words are the feast for the mind.

Compliments That Actually Land. Make compliments specific. "You smell so good. Come here." Or "Your arms drive me crazy when I feel them around me." These do two things: they boost his sexual confidence, and they make him associate your voice with pleasure and approval. Men face a lot of cultural pressure to be confident lovers automatically, as if it's just supposed to happen; a few well-placed compliments can actually relax him into arousal. And compliment his efforts during foreplay too. "I love that, don't stop" or "God, that feels amazing." A lot of men are wildly turned on by hearing that their partner is actually enjoying themselves. It tells him, in real time, that you're in it with him, and he usually does more of what made you make that sound in the first place.

Whispering and Voice Tone. The delivery matters. Lean close, drop your voice, and say the thing where he can feel your breath: "I can't wait any longer to feel you." Even non-verbal sounds (a soft moan or sigh) speak volumes. Don't fake it, obviously, but let him hear you when something feels good, and there are gentle ways to make him moan back without it feeling forced.

Keep sexting and dirty talk simple here. A message in the afternoon, a specific compliment, or one direct sentence during kissing can be plenty. For a man who is used to being the pursuer, obvious desire can be its own form of foreplay.

Visual and Playful Foreplay Without Feeling Like You Have to Perform

Many men get a big turn-on from what they see. But that does not mean anyone has to put on a pressured "performance." Foreplay isn't an audition. It's a play space for you and your partner to experiment and delight each other.

Also, visual does not mean visual-only. In men with distressing low sexual desire, brain imaging suggested that visual attention to sexual cues may not automatically translate into emotional sexual arousal. Which is a useful reminder: the hot part is not just what he sees, but whether what he sees feels connected, wanted, and meant for him.

Visual foreplay can be as small as eye contact, slow undressing, wearing the shirt he already loves, or letting him notice that you want to be looked at. Lingerie, mirrors, costumes, striptease, and roleplay can all work, but they are optional tools rather than a job description.

Playfulness matters too. A goofy foreplay card, a blindfold, a stripping game, or a tiny scenario can interrupt autopilot and make the room feel less predictable. Keep it connected to him, not to an imagined audience.