How to Sext: Complete Guide with Examples & Tips (2025)

Yet many of us feel a flutter of nerves at the thought of writing something sexy. What if it sounds silly? What if you misfire and totally ruin the vibe? Take a breath though. Erotic communication is something you can actually get better at with practice—it's not just for naturally smooth talkers. This guide covers starting sexting without the cringe factor, gives you real examples (ranging from sweet to pretty filthy), and even gets into kinky texting if that's your thing. We'll talk about finding your voice, whether it's dominant and demanding or bashfully submissive, and keeping that sexy back-and-forth going. By the end, you'll see that sexting is just another language of love and lust, and anyone can become fluent.

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So grab your phone and your imagination... here's how to sext like a pro.

How to Start Sexting Without Being Awkward

Beginning a sexting conversation can feel awkward, especially if you've never done it with this person before. The good news is almost everyone feels a little dorky at first. The key is making it feel authentic to you and your relationship, instead of copying cheesy lines from porn. You don't gotta suddenly text like some dirty-talking movie character. If you're goofy, let that playfulness show. If you're poetic, go ahead and get flowery. The sexiest texts feel genuine, like you, just a very turned-on version of you.

Start with consent and context. Before diving into explicit sexy talk, make sure you and your partner are on the same page. "Like any sexual experience, it's important to talk about boundaries ahead of time," says sex therapist Sari Cooper. You might send a light flirty message to test the waters, or ask playfully, "Hey, feeling a little naughty tonight... you up for some fun texting?" Consent is sexy. It shows you respect your partner's comfort. It can be as straightforward as, "I keep getting very X-rated thoughts about you... would you like a preview?" accompanied by a winking emoji. This gives them a chance to say "Ooh, tell me more" (or to set a boundary if they're not in the mood). Also pick the right moment—make sure they're not busy or in public. A quick "can you talk somewhere private? I have something delicious on my mind..." works pretty well to signal your intentions.

Ease in with flirtation. If you're nervous, don't feel like you gotta open with hardcore erotica. Sexting can start gentle and build up. For instance, "I've been thinking about how soft your lips felt last night" or "Work is boring... my mind keeps wandering to the way you looked in bed this morning." These are sexy but not over-the-top. They set a suggestive tone and invite your partner to respond. Another good opener is a question that encourages a flirty response: "if I were there with you right now, what do you wish we'd be doing?" or "Remember that fantasy we joked about? I can't stop picturing it..." Questions like these give your partner an opening to share their own dirty thoughts, so it's not a one-sided monologue.

Use privacy-friendly apps if you're worried. One source of first-time sexting awkwardness is worrying about privacy or leaving a "trail" of steamy texts. Consider using apps designed for privacy—many couples use encrypted messengers like Signal or Telegram which have disappearing messages, or Snapchat for self-deleting photos. If you both feel safer knowing texts or pics won't linger, those tools can help you relax and be bolder. However, remember that no app is 100% foolproof. There's always a risk someone could screenshot. So only send what you're comfortable with and trust your partner to keep private. Keep identifiers out of explicit photos (no faces, distinguishing features) if you're worried about leaks. And respect each other's privacy—never pressure for content the other isn't ready to share. Sexting should be a judgment-free, safe space for you both to play.

Accept the awkward, and use humor if needed. Even with preparation, the first few texts might feel clunky. That's okay though! Give yourselves permission to laugh with each other if something comes out wrong. A typo can become an inside joke. A terribly cheesy line can be followed by "(LOL I've always wanted to say that 😜)". Sometimes acknowledging "Alright, that was cheesy, bear with me" can break the tension. The vulnerability of saying "I feel a little shy, but really turned on" can itself be endearing and hot. In all intimacy, physical or textual, a little awkwardness is normal. Don't let it derail you—just ride it out and let the excitement build. People often get caught up worrying "am I doing this right?" and forget to be present in the moment. Sexting is no different. Try not to overthink each word. Focus on what turns you on and share that. If your heart's racing as you type, you're probably on the right track!

Set the mood on your end. Get comfortable before you start. Slip into bed or somewhere private, maybe dim the lights, play a sexy playlist—whatever makes you feel more sensual and confident. Some people even dress (or undress) for the occasion. Wearing something that makes you feel sexy can translate into bolder words. If you're really nervous, you can even pre-type a couple tantalizing lines in a notes app to copy-paste when the moment comes. It's like rehearsing a sexy script you wrote for yourself. Once the convo gets flowing though, try to respond to what's happening in real-time rather than sticking rigidly to a script. Be dynamic and improvise based on your partner's replies—it'll feel more natural.

Sexting Examples

Ready to put words to your dirty thoughts? Crafting a sexy text is an art, but you don't need an MFA in erotica to do it well. The best sexts paint a picture or evoke a feeling—they can be sweet and suggestive or raw and explicit, matched to your relationship's vibe. To help you out, here are a range of sexting examples for different moods and scenarios. Use these as inspiration or tweak them to fit your style. Don't just copy and paste verbatim. Make sure it sounds like you. And remember the golden rule: imagine receiving the message you're about to send. If it would make you smile, blush, or get turned on, it's probably a hit.

1. Flirty and playful: Perfect for testing the waters or maintaining a sexy vibe through the day. These are suggestive but not graphically sexual, yet they get the point across. If you're struggling to find the right words, you might also explore dirty talk techniques to build your confidence:

• "I can't stop thinking about the way you kissed me this morning. My mind keeps wandering back to it... and getting very distracted."
• "Just so you know, I'm lying in bed wearing that underwear you like. Wish you were here to take it off... 😉"
• "You have no idea how sexy you looked to me last night. I've been replaying it in my head all day."

These texts compliment your partner and drop a sexual hint without being too direct. They build confidence on both sides—you're basically saying I'm turned on by you, which is a huge ego boost. One of the keys to great sexting is making your partner feel desired.

2. Setting a scene: This type of sext pulls your partner into a little erotic daydream. You describe a scenario involving both of you—could be something you've done before or a fantasy you want to explore:

• "If you were here right now, I'd push you against the wall, slowly kiss down your neck... and I wouldn't stop there."
• "I'm imagining us on the couch. You straddle me, I slide my hands under your shirt, and we forget all about the movie we were going to watch."
• "I wish I could teleport to you. The things I would do... I'd start by massaging your shoulders, then kissing lower... and lower... 😉"

These examples invite your partner to see and feel the scenario. Notice the use of present tense ("I slide my hands...", "you straddle me")—it makes the fantasy feel immediate and real, like it's unfolding right now. You can also ask questions like "what do you want me to do when I get there?" to get them contributing details. A collaborative fantasy via text can be incredibly steamy.

3. Dirty talk and explicit desire: Once you're both warmed up, you might ramp up to more explicit language, if that's comfortable for both of you. Here you describe exactly what you want in raw, sexy terms. Some people find graphic words extremely hot (they want to hear "pussy", "cock", etc.), while others prefer euphemisms or sensual descriptions. Gauge your partner's style from their responses, and don't be afraid to ask what they like hearing. For more guidance on using explicit language effectively, check out our femdom dirty talk guide. Examples:

• "I'm so wet just thinking about you tasting me. I can't wait to feel your tongue on my pussy, teasing me slowly... 💦"
• "The thought of your cock in my mouth right now... I'm literally biting my lip. I want to make you moan my name."
• "I wish you were here so I could ride you until we're both shaking."
• "Do you know how badly I want to **** you right now? I want you bent over, begging for me." (Fill in the blank with your preferred verb, fuck, take, please, etc., depending on your dynamic.)

Whoa! Heart racing a bit? Sending something like that for the first time can feel daring, but it can really crank up the heat if your partner's into explicit talk. Important tip: If you drop a very explicit sext and get a slower or timid response, don't panic. They might be blushing on the other end, not sure how to top that message. You can follow up with something like "too much? 😅 I just can't help it, you make me crazy..." This gives them an opening either to say "No, not too much at all!" and step up, or "Haha I'm shy but loving it." Either way, it keeps things going.

Also, not every sext has to be a literary masterpiece. Sometimes a single spicy emoji or a one-liner can hit hard. A well-placed "😈" or "🍆💦" can make your partner laugh and blush at the same time. An excited "God, I'm so turned on right now thinking of you" is simple but effective. Even a soft "You make me so hot 😚" has its place on days you're feeling more affectionate than kinky. Mix it up based on your mood!

4. Sexts to make her horny: Complimenting her and describing what you want to do to her in detail works wonders. For example:

• "I keep fantasizing about slowly kissing every inch of your body... taking my time until you're trembling and pulling me closer."
• "I love how you taste. I could go down on you for hours and still not get enough of you."
• "Remember how you scratched my back when you came? I can't wait to feel that again. You drive me wild."

Notice these focus on her pleasure and her effect on you: you taste amazing, you drive me wild, I want to please you. It's incredibly arousing to know your partner is deeply excited by you and obsessed with making you feel good. If you're trying to get a woman very horny over text, dwell on the sensual details—how her skin feels, the sound she makes when she's turned on, how you crave her body. And by all means, feedback from her helps! If she says something like "I love when you talk about my thighs," then you know to lavish those thighs with attention in your next sext.

Remember that these examples are just starters. The real power of sexting comes when you start personalizing the exchange. Bring up memories: "I can't stop thinking about that time in the car when I couldn't keep my hands off you." Or inside jokes turned dirty: if you have a code word for needing sex (like "wanna go do laundry?"), you can text "my laundry basket is overflowing today...". If you want more creative ideas for building sexual tension through words, explore our collection of roleplay scenarios that can easily translate to text. The more you make it yours, the more connected and turned on you both will feel. Sexting is personal. It's your private sexy language as a couple or play partners.

Getting Kinkier: Kink Texts and BDSM Sexting

What if your fantasies go beyond vanilla flirtation and into kinkier territory? Good news: sexting is a fantastic medium to explore BDSM dynamics and other kinks, especially because it gives you a safe, controlled environment to negotiate and play. You can role-play scenarios that might be difficult or impossible in real life, all through words. In fact, some couples find it easier to express taboo desires in writing. The screen gives a slight buffer that can free your inhibitions. That said, diving into BDSM sexting requires the same fundamentals as in-person kink: consent, communication, and trust. The power dynamics may be a turn-on, but both partners are always equal behind the scenes when it comes to agreeing on the play.

Discuss boundaries and triggers first. Before you start a full-blown master/slave text role-play or a ravishment (consensual non-consent) fantasy via text, have a quick out-of-character check-in. This can be earlier in the day or just before things get hot. For example: "Hey, I loved that idea of a rough kidnapping fantasy you mentioned. Over text, are there any words or themes to avoid that might genuinely upset you?" Cover things like derogatory language, name-calling, themes of degradation, etc., before they come up in the heat of the moment. For a deeper understanding of establishing boundaries in kink, read our guide on BDSM boundaries. As BDSM author Jay Wiseman quips, he's an "absolute slut" for negotiation. He loves negotiating because it sets the stage for safe, mind-blowing play.

Embrace role-play and storylines. Sexting is essentially writing erotica together. This is your chance to indulge in elaborate role-play scenarios if you want. Always had a teacher/student fantasy? Doctor/nurse? Two spies who get into a dangerous entanglement? Go for it. You can set the scene in a message: "Let's pretend I'm the strict professor and you're my favorite (naughty) student who'll do anything for extra credit…" 🎓😉. Or maybe, "Imagine I've captured you, and I have you tied to a chair in a dark basement… you hear my heels approach on the cold floor behind you." For more inspiration, explore our CNC roleplay scenarios or try one of our detailed femdom roleplay scripts. Now you're weaving a story! Some novices think all BDSM has to involve elaborate roles and costumes – it doesn't (plain old you and your partner is fine too) – but trying a role-play via text can be a thrilling "special occasion" scene. It's like co-writing a sexy theater script. And guess what: you have the luxury of time to compose your lines. In person, you might not know what to say as a Victorian governess or a strict drill sergeant without giggling. But over text, you can pause, think, even google some florid phrases or classic dominant lines if you need inspiration. It's a bit like kinky improv, but you get a teleprompter.

Keep in mind, role-playing through text still requires suspension of disbelief. You both know it's a game, and that's what makes it fun. Use signals to delineate when you're "in character." Some people like to put an asterisk or say "OOC:" (out of character) if they need to step out to clarify something in the middle of the scene. For example, mid-sext someone might send "(OOC: is it okay if I use some degrading names now?)", and the other can say yes or no. Then resume the scene—this keeps the fantasy on track without real misunderstandings.

Use BDSM lingo, or don't. Your choice. Part of the thrill for many is the power exchange vibe in kinky sexting. You might get off on using titles like Sir, Mistress, Daddy, slut, slave, etc. If those push your buttons, definitely integrate them into your texts. "Yes, Sir, I understand Sir" can immediately put you in a submissive headspace if you're the one typing it. Likewise, a dominant might order: "Strip. Now. Send me a pic within 2 minutes." A commanding text like that can make a sub's heart leap. An educational note: Dominance and submission is all about consensual power play. One person takes control (Dom) and the other gives control (sub) for mutual pleasure. If you're new to these dynamics, learn how to be a dom or explore the different types of submissives. It's not about one being actually superior or "better." As BDSM educator Mollena Williams-Haas emphasizes, submission isn't about becoming less. It's about achieving something more together. So even in sexting, the Dom and sub roles are roles. Keep the underlying respect and care for each other intact.

If you're new to kink texts, start with light power-play elements. You don't have to know all the fancy jargon—simple things like commands and obedience can be very sexy. For example, a Dom text might be: "I want you to touch yourself right now – slowly – but you're not allowed to come until I say so." 😈 That one line sets a clear power dynamic (you're giving an order and even controlling their orgasm timing through orgasm control techniques) and creates a delicious torture for the sub who's reading it, squirming. Meanwhile, the sub can reply with something like: "Yes, Sir… I'm already so wet. I'll be good and wait, but it's so hard 😫". Now you've got a D/s exchange going! The Dom should keep giving instructions or describing what they'd do if they were there, and the sub keeps expressing their sensations and willingness to comply (or playful resistance, if that's part of your scene).

A pro tip for Doms: since you can't physically enforce anything over the phone, use language to convey your dominance. Be clear, be confident, and paint a picture of consequences/rewards. "If you're a good girl and do as I say, maybe I'll send you that pic you've been begging for…" or "You didn't obey me fast enough. That's one punishment you've earned. Don't worry, I'll think of something suitably deviant." For gentler approaches to discipline, explore soft dom punishments. Such messages create a thrill of authority. Also, react to what your sub says. If they text, "I'm touching myself like you ordered, Sir, and I'm already close…", you can amp it up: "Close already? Naughty. Stop right now. Hands off. You'll come when I permit." This interplay of teasing denial and permission is BDSM gold.

For submissives texting, your job is to let your Dom know you're eagerly engaging and to express how their words make you feel. It's all about tone and language that reflects surrender. Use polite, deferential words. Instead of "I want you to do X to me," a sub might say, "Please, will you do X to me, Sir? I've been so good..." or "I'm yours to command. Do whatever you want to me." The difference is subtle but powerful. For more phrases and techniques, check out our guide on submissive dirty talk. According to one guide on sub texting, phrases like "Yes, Sir/Ma'am," "I'm yours," or framing statements as "What would please you?" instantly set a submissive tone. For example, compare a normal text: "What do you want to do tonight?" with a subby text: "What would you like me to do for you tonight, Sir?" The latter clearly shows who's in charge. Little things like capitalization (many subs lowercase their "i" or use lowercase for their name, and capitalize Dominant titles as a sign of respect) can add psychological spice if you're into it. Emojis can even play a role. A "🥺" can convey puppy-dog submissive eyes, or a "🙏" for begging. Some subs use the 💦 or 🍆 emoji followed by "please?" as a coy way to ask for permission or for what they desire. Find the flavor of submission that excites you, whether it's innocent and eager-to-please, or bratty and teasing (where you pretend to resist to get "forced"). Then portray that character in your sexts—it can feel liberating to let that inner sub persona out.

How to Respond to a Sext: Keeping the Momentum Going

So your partner just sent a real spicy sext—maybe a descriptive fantasy, a bold confession of what they want to do to you, or even a sexy photo. And now it's your turn to reply. Gulp. How do you keep the momentum going, especially if their message made your brain short-circuit for a second? Don't worry, here are some tips to respond like a smooth operator (or at least a very enthusiastic participant!).

First, read (or look) carefully and feel it. It might sound obvious, but in our flustered excitement we can sometimes miss details. If they wrote a paragraph, take a moment to really visualize what they described. Let yourself react naturally. Maybe you smile, gasp, blush, get turned on. All those reactions are fodder for your response. For example, if their text legitimately made your stomach flip and your pulse race, tell them that: "Wow, that made my heart skip a beat (and definitely woke up other parts of me too 👀)." If it's a sexy pic, luxuriate in it for a second. Imagine it's in front of you in real life. Then your response might be, *"Holy ***. You look incredible... I can't even handle this picture right now 😩🔥." Being authentically awed or aroused is highly encouraging to the person who sexted you. It shows them they're hitting the mark.

Remember, a sext is a bit vulnerable. The other person might be wondering, "Did I go too far? Do they like this? Are they bored?" So your job in responding is partly to reassure and reward them by showing appreciation. Even if you plan to get equally explicit in a moment, start by acknowledging what they sent. Think of it like positive feedback: "God, that scenario you painted... it's legitimately one of the hottest things I've ever read." or "You have me so turned on with that message, I'm actually blushing." These kind of responses are gold because they encourage your partner to keep sharing and escalating.

Match their energy (and then build on it). A good rule of thumb is: respond at a similar level of explicitness or intensity, and if possible, take it a step further or forward the action. If they send something mild and flirty, you don't typically jump to extremely graphic in one leap. You flirt back similarly, maybe a bit more daring to gently push the envelope. Conversely, if they dropped a hardcore sext, replying with something too tame can deflate things. For instance, if they write "I want to bend you over the bed and take you until you scream my name," a lukewarm answer like "hehe, that sounds fun 😇" probably isn't cutting it. You don't have to out-dirty them (it's not a competition), but try to meet the moment. You could reply: "Jesus, yes. I'm already imagining that... my legs are shaking at the thought of you behind me, pinning me down." Now you've confirmed you're into it and you've enriched the fantasy with your own imagery (shaking legs, being pinned).

Think of sexting like a game of catch: they toss you a ball (an idea, a fantasy, a dirty line), you catch it and throw it back with your spin. If you just drop the ball, the game stops. If you wildly throw a completely different ball, you might confuse things. But if you throw back in the same arc, this sexy rally continues.

If they ask a question in their sext, definitely answer it (assuming you're comfortable). "What would you do if I was there right now?" deserves an imaginative answer, not a shrug. This is your chance to shine—they're literally giving you a prompt. Even if you're shy, try to answer with some erotic detail: "If you were here right now... I'd push you onto the couch, climb on top of you, and slowly grind against you until neither of us could stand it." That's a fine answer! It doesn't have to be Shakespeare, just has to add to the fantasy.

Use emotional reactions and encouragement. Sometimes, especially if the sext was really good, you might be initially at a loss for words. It's okay to start your reply with a visceral reaction: "Oh my god...", "Wow, you've got me speechless).", "🔥🔥🔥" (the emoji says it all). These convey that you're impressed or extremely turned o. You can then follow up with more words once you gather yourself. For example: "Oh my god, that picture... I'm literally hard/wet just looking at it. You're stunning." or "Fuck, that text got me so hot I had to loosen my shirt... You really know how to push my buttons 😏."

Let them know how their sext affects you physically: "I can feel myself blushing", "I'm already throbbing just from reading that", "My whole body just tensed up, wow." This not only serves as feedback, it's also sexy imagery for them. They now picture you flushed or aroused because of them, which is a huge compliment and turn-on.

If you want them to keep going or elaborate, encourage them. Simple phrases like "Tell me more," "Don't stop," "Keep going..." are music to a sexter's ears. Or ask a follow-up question about what they sent: "You want to do __ to me? How exactly would you do it...? 😉" This invites them to get even more explicit and detailed, ramping up the heat. Just be prepared. If you ask for specifics, you'll likely get them! Which is what we want in a steamy sext exchange.

Reciprocate with something personal. If all their sexts are about doing things to you, consider throwing in something about what you want to do to them, or how you imagine them feeling. Maybe they said, "I want to make you beg while I tease you." You could mirror and up the ante: "I'll beg as much as you want, but once you let me loose... I'm going to make you beg for me too. I want to hear you moan my name when you can't take anymore." Now it's a two-way fantasia. Both of you are participants in this mental playground, not just one giving and one receiving.

Know that it's okay to set boundaries mid-sext. While we want to keep momentum, what if they send something that genuinely makes you uncomfortable or you're not sure how to engage with? Maybe a fantasy that isn't your cup of tea, or a level of dirty talk that threw you off. You might fear screeching the brakes on the whole session, but ignoring it and replying in a way that masks your discomfort can lead to miscommunication. It's better to handle it with a mix of honesty and options for redirection. For instance: "Oof, you know I love your creativity, but [that scenario] is a bit much for me 😅. How about instead, we do [alternative scenario]?" See, you're not shaming them for bringing it up.

If you're truly stuck, use mirroring or emojis. Maybe you receive a sext that just knocks you out and you don't know what to say at all. Instead of panicking and leaving them in awkward silence, mirror part of what they said with a question or add "I want that": e.g. they say "I'd bend you over the desk and spank you until you're dripping." You can simply reply "'Until I'm dripping...', oh god yes, please." By repeating their phrase, you show you're dwelling on it (flattering) and by adding "yes please" you show consent and eagerness. It buys you time to think of more to add, or you can end it there and see if they continue.

Emojis or a brief "unghhh 🔥" can also serve as a placeholder if needed, kind of like "that got me so flustered I have no words." Just don't leave it at that every time. Follow up with some actual words once your brain reboots enough to type a sentence or two. You can even be playfully self-deprecating: "You've officially short-circuited my brain with that pic. 🔥 Give me a sec to recover, haha." This can actually tease them. They know they've overwhelmed you (which strokes their ego) and now they're awaiting what comes once you "recover."

End on a strong note. All good sexting sessions eventually wind down. Maybe one (or both) of you finishes masturbating, or it's late and someone is falling asleep with a goofy grin, or you simply run out of steam. Don't ghost mid-sext. Try to give a nice closing message that reaffirms how much you enjoyed it and your connection. For instance: "That was amazing. I can't wait till we can do some of that in real life 😘. Sweet dreams, babe. I know what I'll be dreaming about..." This wraps things up with affection and a hint at continuation later. If it's daytime and you're just pausing, maybe: "I better get back to work (unless I want to get fired 🙈), but wow. You have me distracted now. Later tonight, maybe we continue? 😉" Setting up a future encounter keeps the excitement lingering.

Also, aftercare, even in sexting, can be a thing, especially if the content was intense. Just like physical BDSM scenes require aftercare, intense virtual play can benefit from emotional check-ins too. A simple "You okay? That got pretty hot!" gives them a chance to say if anything left them uncomfortable or if they're just blissed out. Most likely they'll reply "More than okay 😁 that was awesome." But it's caring to ask. It shows you see them as a whole person, not just a phone-sex object.

Finally, embrace the fun. Sexting is meant to be pleasurable and playful. If you respond with your genuine arousal, appreciation, and imagination, you really can't "do it wrong." The fact that you're enthusiastically engaged is what matters most. Confidence will build with each flirtatious exchange. Over time, you two might accumulate some greatest hits—lines or scenarios that you know really work. You'll also likely laugh about some awkward bits, which becomes part of your unique sexual rapport.

In conclusion, learning how to sext well is a journey, one that's meant to be sexy and fun. Don't pressure yourself to be perfect or compare your style to anyone else's (porn scripts are not real life!). If you come at it with genuine desire, respect, and a sense of play, you'll find your own groove. Whether you're keeping a long-distance love affair sizzling, spicing up date night with your spouse, or exploring a flirty new connection, sexting can open a whole new world of erotic communication. It's like having a private little universe where only you two (or more, if poly) exist, sharing your dirtiest thoughts without shame.

Happy sexting, and may your inbox forever be filled with the perfect amount of dirty. Stay safe, stay sexy, and have fun!