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•By J & L, founders of BeMoreKinky

Homemade Dildo Safety: 9 Things to Use and 15 to Avoid

Maybe you're looking at something on the nightstand and having that very stupid, very human thought: "Could I…?" It happens. Curiosity, horniness, sheer creative impulse, desperation at 2am when the shops are shut and your last vibrator shuffled off this mortal coil: whatever brought you here, welcome. Zero judgement from this corner.

Here's the thing though: there's a meaningful difference between "improvised dildo that does the job nicely" and "improvised dildo that lands you in A&E with a story the triage nurses will retell for years." I've heard more cautionary tales than I can count, some hilarious, some harrowing, and I'd much rather you learned from other people's mistakes than earned your own.

Before You Use Anything as a Homemade Dildo, Check These 7 Things

Before anything goes near your bits, stop. I know. You're aroused and stopping to run a mental checklist is approximately the last thing on your mind. Do it anyway. These seven questions take about thirty seconds, and if whatever you're holding fails on any of them, put it back and find something else.

  1. Is it smooth? Run your fingers over every inch. If anything catches, snags, or feels even slightly rough, it's out. Your internal tissue is far more sensitive than your fingertips: a tiny seam that barely registers in your hand can feel vicious once it's inside you. Hairbrush handle, yes. Bristles, obviously no. A smooth deodorant cap, not a decorative ornament with mould seams running down the sides.

  2. Is it blunt at the end? Whatever's going in first needs to be rounded or flat. The tip of a carrot? No. The corner of a remote control? Absolutely bloody not. Pointy ends are how you jab your cervix or give yourself tiny tears. Nobody needs that. If the end looks like it wants to stab something, it is not a dildo.

  3. Is it sturdy and unbreakable? Do not wing this one. You do not want something that can crack, shatter, splinter, or snap inside you. No glass objects (lightbulbs, ornaments, drinking glasses; yes, people have tried all of these). No thin brittle plastic. No dried-out candles. If you can't apply firm pressure, squeeze it, bend it slightly, without signs of structural weakness, it doesn't go inside your body. The line between pleasure and an emergency room visit is exactly one fragile object.

  4. Is it clean and sanitise-able? Only use things you can thoroughly clean. Warm water and soap at minimum. Hard plastic, metal, and silicone are easier to wash; metal or pure silicone can even be boiled. Unfinished wood, soft rubber, and textured stuff can still hold bacteria. And think about what the item has previously touched. A spatula handle might be food-safe in theory and still have old oil or chilli on it. Chilli residue on mucous membranes is a horrible pairing. Please do not test that one.

  5. Can you cover it with a condom? Slide a condom over any household object you use for insertion. This is not fussiness; it is the cheap little barrier between your mucous membranes and the object's grime, seams, and possible breakage. It contains any bits that could break off. It makes cleanup a doddle. If the object is too large for a standard condom, try an XL or a non-lubricated glove with the fingers cut off and rolled over. No condom available? Then whatever's on that object is going inside you.

  6. Does it have a grip or a flared base? You need a way to keep hold of it the whole time. For vaginal use, this is about not losing grip at an enthusiastic moment. For anal use, it is non-negotiable: if it doesn't have a flared base wider than the widest part of the object, it does not go in your arse. I'll say more on this later, but for now: no base, no anal. End of discussion. Even for vaginal play, ask yourself whether you can hold it firmly once everything is slippery with lube. If no part stays outside for retrieval, choose something else.

  7. How does it feel externally, and are you comfortable? Before inserting anything, test it on less vulnerable areas first. Inner thigh, vulva, between your labia. Pay attention to temperature (metal can be shockingly cold), texture, and weight. This is a safety check as much as a pleasure check. If something feels off, too hard, too scratchy, too wide, listen to that instinct before it's inside you. And check in emotionally: are you relaxed, turned on, actually okay with this? A bit of excitement is normal. Actual dread or anxiety is your body telling you something. Listen to it.

What Household Items Are Least Risky for Vaginal Use?

Right then. Actual objects. You want names, not a vague safety sermon, so here they are.

"Least risky" is not "risk-free." Nothing here comes with the guarantees of a purpose-built, body-safe sex toy, and I'd always recommend investing in one if you can. But these items check more safety boxes than most, people have used them successfully, and with a condom, lube, and common sense, they're your better options:

Partners during penetration, the kind of confident insertion a well-chosen vaginal-safe dildo allows

Our BeMoreKinky preference data lines up with that instinct. When people were asked about having toys inserted into them, a realistic dildo landed at 81.7% yes/maybe, compared with 60.9% for glass and 69.2% for metal. I don't read that as people being prudish; I read it as people knowing, bluntly, that a purpose-built realistic toy feels like a safer bet than a hard, novel insertable. Random household objects sit even further down that risk ladder.

  • Smooth Handles (Hairbrushes, Kitchen Utensils): The handle of a hairbrush or a clean silicone spatula is a classic pervertible, the kink community's term for everyday items repurposed for play. I love that word. Choose handles that are thick enough to actually feel satisfying but not so thick they cause pain. Plastic or metal is easier to wash properly than wood. If the handle is wooden, check the varnish, check again for splinters, and put a condom over it. Cover the whole thing with the condom to eliminate any scratchy parts entirely, keeping the business end (bristles, spatula head) well away from your bits.

  • Large Markers or Grooming Tool Handles: A chunky permanent marker with the cap firmly on gives you a blunt, rounded end and reasonable girth. Tape the cap on or cover the whole thing with a condom, because fishing a loose cap out of your vagina is nobody's idea of a good time and I guarantee it's happened to more people than will ever admit it. The handles of certain toothbrushes or electric toothbrushes (turned off, unless you want the buzz) can work similarly. The bathroom test is simple: two-finger-ish girth, smooth plastic or silicone, 4 to 6 usable inches, and a bit left outside to hold. Anything fiddly can stay by the sink.

  • Small, Rounded Bottles: A travel-size shampoo or cosmetic bottle can be okay if the shape is boring: round cylinder, rounded top, not huge, roughly 1 to 1.5 inches across. Screw the cap down hard, tape it if you have tape, then condom over everything. The wider cap end acts as a pseudo-base. Never use glass bottles. More on that shortly. Remove any labels and glue residue too; sticky isn't sexy and glue residue near your vulva is horrible.

  • Silicone Kitchen Items: If you have a 100% silicone spatula or baking tool, you've basically got body-safe dildo material sitting in your kitchen drawer. Silicone is non-toxic, non-porous, can be boiled to sanitise, and won't break. Use the handle end if it's smooth, and condom it to keep things hygienic. As long as it's pure silicone with no sharp parts, it's one of the better options you'll find in your house. Who knew a trip to the baking aisle could double as a sex shop visit.

  • The Cucumber: Yes. The humble cuke. The mascot of improvised dildos everywhere, and honestly? It's popular for good reason. For vaginal use, pick a firm medium cucumber, not soft, not bendy, not the one dying in the fridge drawer. Wash it, peel it, cut off any stems or pointy ends, and round off the tip if needed. Then condom it; you might need a large condom for a girthy one. Use plenty of lube, because cucumbers provide absolutely none of their own. Go at a reasonable pace; they're firm and unforgiving. If it starts feeling softer, stop and bin it. (More on produce, including zucchini, further down.) Yes, condom the vegetable. I know.

  • Your Own Fingers: And then there are fingers: not technically a household "object," but still the original DIY toy. If everything in your house is failing the safety check, your own clean, trimmed-nailed fingers with lube are right there. You can use a nitrile glove for a smoother sensation. Sometimes in the quest to get creative, we forget that simplicity works perfectly well, and has done since probably the dawn of human sexuality.

A note on pain: Using a DIY dildo should not cause unintended pain. Unlike consensual impact play or sensation play where a sting might be exactly the point, discomfort during insertion means something's wrong. Try more lube, change the angle, size down, or stop. A "hmm, not sure" sensation can become "absolutely not" quickly. You are trying to get off, not pass a test.

Now for the tricksters: objects people think will work brilliantly but actually carry hidden problems. Some of them can technically work. Most are still a bad trade.

  • Candles: A smooth wax candlestick looks phallic, solid, promising. I get the appeal. Here's the issue: standard candles are brittle and can snap under pressure, especially thinner ones. They soften with body heat, leaving waxy residue that's an absolute nightmare to deal with. Wax is porous and not body-safe in itself. If you're absolutely set on this, choose one thicker than an inch in diameter, keep it cool (not frozen, but room temperature), remove the wick (that string will scrape you), and use a condom. But honestly? There are better options sitting right next to you, and some companies even make body-safe silicone dildos that look like candles if the aesthetic is what gets you going.

  • Glass Bottles or Jars: Perhaps you've heard of someone using a beer bottle or perfume bottle. Massive hazard. Regular glass can shatter, even thick glass, especially if there's any imperfection or temperature stress. And then there's suction: insert the neck of a bottle and it can create a seal, suctioning itself to your vaginal walls or (in anal use) literally getting sucked into your rectum. This has happened. People have needed surgery. I cannot stress this enough. If you love the idea of glass, buy a proper borosilicate glass sex toy. They're designed specifically not to shatter dangerously and they feel gorgeous. Random household glass? Not worth the gamble. Not ever.

  • Shower Heads and Faucet Attachments: The showerhead as a clitoral stimulator? Brilliant, go for it, enjoy that water pressure. It's a classic for a reason. But inserting a detachable shower head? Leave it. They're bulky, have multiple parts with metal seams and rubber rings that can scrape, and harbour bacteria from the water system. Keep shower play external. It's good enough external, I promise.

  • Electric Toothbrush Heads or Phones: The vibrating brush head, even covered, will scratch you raw internally; those bristles are not forgiving. And your phone: not shaped for comfort, full of bacteria in every crevice, heats up when vibrating, and has hard corners. Use your phone externally if you must (in your knickers, perhaps, no judgement), but the idea of inserting one is unhinged. Any electronic not purpose-built for internal use is a risk: components can short out, batteries can leak. I have heard the TV-remote-in-a-condom story; in that version, the batteries came out mid-thrust. Do not audition for the sequel.

  • Raw Produce (Without Preparation): A vegetable straight from the fridge or garden brings all its baggage with it: pesticide residue, dirt, bacteria (E. coli is really not sexy). Inconsistent firmness can mean breakage. Sugar and rough skin are also not doing your vagina any favours. If you're going to use produce, the preparation steps I outlined earlier aren't optional.

  • Household Massage Tools: Those plug-in back massagers with various attachments aren't tested for internal safety. Attachments can come loose. The materials might not be body-safe. They're often rigid and oversized. The Hitachi Magic Wand is famously brilliant on a clit, life-changing, I'm told by many, but do not try to insert that enormous vibrating head. It's not shaped for safe entry and you will bruise yourself. If you want internal vibration, buy something designed for it.

  • DIY "Fleshlight" Hacks Repurposed for Insertion: You might see guides for making masturbation sleeves (glove in a cup, sponge in a Pringles can). Those are designed for a penis to penetrate into. Do not turn those inside out for vaginal or anal insertion. Sponges, rubber bands, and plastic containers can tear you or lodge somewhere. A hole is not a design feature.

Vaguely phallic plus vibrating is not the same thing as safe. The infamous frozen hot dog is a perfect example: they break apart once thawing (mush), and nitrates plus meat juices inside a vagina is a fast track to a horrific infection. No thank you.

Homemade Dildos for Anal Play: Why a Flared Base Is Non-Negotiable

Right. Anal play changes everything. The stakes are higher, and I need you to pay attention here.

If it doesn't have a flared base, it does not go in your arse. Full stop. I will keep saying this until people stop ending up in emergency rooms, which, judging by the statistics, will be approximately never, but I live in hope.

Here's why this is a hard line: unlike the vagina, which has a definitive end point at the cervix, the rectum is essentially an open-ended tube leading into your colon. The muscles of the anus can, and do, suck objects inward through peristalsis (the natural muscular motion of the gut). Once an object passes the second sphincter, it can travel alarmingly far in, and you will not be able to retrieve it yourself. Countless emergency room X-rays document objects that have vanished inside people: cucumbers, vibrators, bottles, lightbulbs, you name it. Medical journals are full of these cases. This is not how you want to spend your evening.

A flared base means the object has a wide end that physically cannot pass through the sphincter. It's an anchor. All proper anal toys, including plugs, prostate massagers, and anal-safe dildos, have either a wide circular base, a T-bar, or a long handle. This is intentional, non-negotiable, and the single most important feature of any anal toy.

So what does this mean for household items? Essentially: your options are extremely limited. Very few everyday objects have a built-in flared base. Some people get creative, using the body of a bottle as the "base" with the neck inserted, or a flashlight with a wider battery end, but every one of these workarounds comes with serious caveats. Removable caps that can pop off. Materials that aren't sturdy enough. Improvised "bases" that aren't actually wider than the object. If you're rigging something together with tape to create a flange, you're already well into territory where you should just buy a proper toy.

And here's the honest truth: anal play is the one area where DIY really might not cut it. There are inexpensive butt plugs and anal-safe dildos available for under £10-15. A basic silicone plug with a flared base is so much safer than any household gamble, and so much less embarrassing than a trip to A&E. Anal sex educators like Tristan Taormino practically beg people: if you're going to explore anal insertion, get a proper toy. It's not a big ask.

If you're determined to experiment anally with a household item regardless, stick to very shallow play: a well-lubricated gloved finger or two, or the tip of something while keeping an iron grip on it at all times. The moment you're tempted to let go, or to "see if it'll stay in," stop. That impulse is exactly how objects get lost inside people.

Also important: anal tissue doesn't self-lubricate. You need more lube than you think, and then more on top of that, and the surface needs to be properly smooth. Any scratch internally can become a fissure or infection. Small tears happen easily, and because of what passes through the rectum, infection risk is real and unpleasant.

I'll leave you with a story that circulates online: someone used a zucchini anally without a proper stopper. Mid-session, the forward pressure cracked the zucchini inside him. He was lucky enough to hear it and pull it out before it snapped in two completely. Five inches of squash nearly lodged beyond reach. That's a surgery scenario. He got lucky. Not everyone does.

Anal play demands a base. If you can't guarantee that, save the idea for vaginal use or wait until you have a safe toy.

Fruits and Vegetables: Cucumber, Banana, Carrot, Zucchini, and Why They Can Fail

Fruits and vegetables are probably the most commonly mentioned DIY dildos, partly because they're obvious in shape, partly because it's almost a cultural trope at this point. But used carefully, some produce can provide perfectly decent pleasure. The useful bit is knowing where they give way.

The usual suspects:

  • Cucumber: Relatively firm, smooth, come in various sizes, and the coolness can feel quite lovely. Where they fail: They can break, especially if they have soft spots or you're thrusting vigorously. They tend to snap in the middle (where the seeds are the structural weak point). Many are coated in wax or pesticides. How to use safely: Choose fresh and firm. Wash and peel it. Use a condom (so if it cracks, the pieces stay contained). Vaginal use only; never fully insert one anally.

  • Zucchini: Similar shape, often a bit softer, with a potentially woody stem. Where they fail: They can crack (as the cautionary tale earlier illustrates). The skin can be rougher than a cucumber. Larger specimens may have hollow-ish cores, not what you want. How to use safely: Wash, peel, condom. Cut off both ends. Choose a smaller one; giant baseball-bat courgettes are more likely to break and are uncomfortably thick anyway. If your thumb leaves a dent, choose something else.

  • Carrot: Hard, which seems like a plus. Nicely tapered. Where they fail: That hardness is unforgiving on internal tissue. The pointy tip can jab your cervix (nauseating pain; I cannot overstate how horrible this feels) or cause micro-tears anally. How to use safely: Pick a thick, straight carrot. Wash and peel. Cut off the tip; you want a flat or rounded end, not a spear. Condom and lube, always. Go slowly; carrots don't give at all. Even with greens left on as a "handle," those would tear off easily, so don't rely on them for anal safety. Keep carrots vaginal only.

  • Banana: Curved, soft-ish, sensual-looking. And one of the worst choices in practice. Rude, I know. Where they fail: Deceptively low firmness. Peeled, they turn to mush quickly (body heat + pressure = banana purée inside you, and I wish I were exaggerating). Peeled banana mush in a vagina is a fast-track to a yeast infection from the sugars. Unpeeled holds form slightly better but the peel has ridges and splits easily. They break mid-shaft. Honest advice: Use it externally if you must. For insertion, it's not worth the hassle. If you absolutely insist: unpeeled, yellow but not overripe, stem cut off, condom on. Keep thrusts shallow and gentle; it will not survive vigorous use. And vaginal only, never anal. One good clench and you're explaining banana mush in your rectum to a doctor. That is not a conversation anyone needs to have.

  • Other produce: Corn on the cob is absolutely not for internal use; the cob is fibrous and can splinter, and kernels create a horrific texture on sensitive mucosa. Eggplant is usually far too wide, and if you find a slender one, it's probably too soft. Sausages/hot dogs are extremely squishy, break easily, and processed meat plus internal body = bacterial disaster. Keep the bratwurst for the barbecue where it belongs.

Two more things for produce: be mindful of time, because a long session warms vegetables to mush, and mush is where things go wrong. And afterwards, bin it. Do not eat it, save it, or hand it to a housemate with a straight face. Its work here is finished.

And one more time for emphasis: never fully insert produce anally. You cannot guarantee it won't get lost, and organic material lodged in a rectum is not just embarrassing; it's dangerous.

How to Test an Object Before Insertion

Give the object two minutes of attention before it goes anywhere sensitive; that is less annoying than discovering a sharp seam halfway in.

Visual inspection: Get it under a bright light. Turn it slowly. Crack? Chip? Raised seam? Put it down. Run a fingernail along every join; if your nail catches, your internal tissue will notice far more. Caps and battery covers need to be properly shut, not "probably fine."

The touch test: Drag pantyhose, tissue, or cotton over the surface. A snag means the object has a rough patch. You can buff minor roughness with fine sandpaper on hard materials. Also, and this is a useful trick I was taught years ago, feel it with your lips. Lips notice tiny scratches in a way fingertips often miss. If it feels lovely there, promising. If it rasps, believe the rasp.

Dress rehearsal: Put the condom on. Apply lube. Does the condom roll on without immediately tearing? Is it secure enough that it won't slip off during use? This is your real-world simulation; if something's going to fail, far better to discover it now than at the worst possible moment.

External try-out: Use the prepped object on accessible sensitive areas first. Rub it around your vulva, between your labia, or trace it around your anus if that's the plan. Pay attention to:

  • Texture: Does it truly feel smooth, or can your more sensitive tissue detect something your hands missed?
  • Temperature: Too cold? Warm it in some water first. A cold shock is not what you're after when you're trying to relax into things.
  • Size: As you press it against the opening, does your body agree with the girth? If your body is already arguing at the doorway, size down or warm up longer. There is no prize for forcing it.
  • Your gut feeling: If something feels wrong, pause. Fix the problem while it is still outside you.

Couple easing into careful penetration, mirroring the slow, shallow insertion a homemade dildo demands

Go slow and shallow initially: If the external test went well and you're aroused and ready, begin insertion slowly. Maybe 2-3 inches, then pause. How does the shape feel? Any painful pressure or weird angles? Adjust position, angle, lube. Anal entry is its own slow little negotiation: breathe, use more lube, and keep your hand locked on the base or handle.

Listen to your body: Stretch can be fine. Sharp pain, strong discomfort, or that sudden "nope" feeling means stop and pull back. If this object is not working, fine. You found out early, without hurting yourself.

If all systems go: Enjoy yourself. But maintain awareness throughout: check periodically that the base is secure, the condom is intact, and you're still well-lubricated. These small check-ins don't kill the mood; they're what let you actually relax into it.

DIY Builds You Should Think Twice About

People get astonishingly inventive with DIY sex toys; forums and YouTube have the receipts. Some are impressive in a Blue Peter sort of way. Others are accidents waiting to happen. The regular offenders:

  • The Suction Cup Plunger Dildo: The idea is simple enough: buy a new plunger, stick the cup to a floor or wall, and use the handle. Sounds clever on paper. In practice: many plunger handles are unfinished wood (splinters) or cheap porous plastic. The suction cup can unstick when you're riding it, leading to either a comedy pratfall or the handle jabbing in too far with nothing to stop it. And even new plungers aren't medical-grade anything. If what you actually want is a mounted dildo, they exist and are designed for exactly this purpose, with body-safe materials and a proper shape. Buy one. They're not expensive.

  • PVC Pipe Dildos: Tutorials exist for crafting dildos from PVC pipe, capped and covered with latex or tape. PVC from a hardware store isn't body-safe; it can leach chemicals, especially when warmed by body heat. Cut pipe edges are sharp even when sanded. It's completely rigid with zero give. One wrong angle and you've bruised your cervix or bowel wall. With so many potential failure points (tape unwinding, cap popping off, glue dissolving), this is far more complicated and dangerous than just ordering a basic silicone dildo for under £20. At that point, the cheap silicone dildo is the less dramatic option.

  • Stuffed Condom or Glove Dildos: The pitch is a condom or glove stuffed with cotton, sponge, or water until it looks insertable. A water-filled condom is essentially a small balloon. It offers no firmness for penetration and will burst. Cotton or sponge pieces can end up stuck inside you if the outer layer tears. As for the "ice dildo" variant (freezing water in a condom): direct ice can cause frostbite on mucosal tissue. Actual frostbite. On your genitals. If you try it, only glide externally for seconds at a time. It's not a practical insertable. It's a novelty that can hurt you.

  • Multi-Part Inventions (held together with tape or glue): Any DIY dildo involving multiple pieces attached together is a fundamentally weak design. Tape loses adhesion when lube gets on it. Glue dissolves with moisture. If your plan requires attaching things to other things, assume that whatever can come apart, will come apart, likely while inside you, at the worst possible moment. A single, solid object is always safer than a Frankenstein construction. Every time.

  • Motorised Hacks: Attaching objects to reciprocating saws, rigging vibrating devices to household items. I wish I were making this up but people do this. Power tools can seriously injure you. One wrong setting and that's a trauma requiring surgery. Even simpler hacks like taping a bullet vibrator to something are unpredictable: the tape can fail, the vibrator can come loose internally, electronics can overheat. If you want vibration, even a cheap £5 bullet vibe used externally against your toy is far safer than embedding something inside you that could short out.

The boring rule: more parts, more failure. Tape gets slippery. Glue gives up. Caps shift. With an insertable, the trouble may already be inside you before you know about it. If your invention looks precarious sitting on the bedside table, imagine how it'll perform under pressure. Inside your body.

When a Clone-A-Willy-Style Kit Is the Safer Homemade Option

Want the "I made this" satisfaction? Use a kit built for that, not a shampoo bottle held together with optimism. Clone-A-Willy is the famous one: make a mould of an erect penis (yours or a partner's), fill it with body-safe silicone, wait.

Ridiculous? Slightly. Romantic? Also yes. This is the kind of sex-toy craft project I can get behind, because the finished thing is actually meant to be inserted.

What do you actually get?

Usually: a moulding tube, powder for the mould, and two-part silicone; some versions add a little vibrator. The fiddly bit is keeping the penis hard while the mould sets, which is frankly part of the entertainment. After the pour and cure, you get a smooth silicone toy. Not a kitchen compromise. An actual toy.

For long-distance relationships, it's weirdly romantic. For anyone who wants the satisfaction of "homemade" without the risks of raiding the kitchen drawer and crossing your fingers, it's the obvious answer.

There are similar kits for making butt plugs, for moulding vulvas, and from various other brands. So if "homemade" is the bit that turns you on, you do not have to gamble on a shampoo bottle. You can make the thing and still use proper materials. Creativity and not ending up in hospital. What more could you want.